School’s out for Summer!

For the first time in years I am excited about summer break!

Mr. Man is doing well overall and I think that he will have a good summer.

Lil Bro is a fun kid and I am sure he will have a great summer.

Big Sis is all about summer and swimming fun. Her virtual school program was a hit and we are going to be schooling at home again this next school year.

We have summer camp day program lined up for Miss M and she is satisfied with that. We have also arranged several visits with Grandma and Paw Paw during the summer.

In June we are taking a family vacation for 10 days to the Great Smokey Mountains. We are planning to camp some and stay in a motel some. All 7 of us are going and the two Chihuahuas, in a Mom Mobile with a travel topper thingy on the top of the van. We should be a merry load of entertainment for our fellow travelers out and about on the high ways.

The last family vacation we took was when Miss was three and a half and not yet diagnosed. I was in over my head and out of my league big time. Somewhere on the side of the road on that trip I swore to my mother in law as God as my witness I will not travel out of the sunshine state with this child again until we get a handle on whatever it is she has going on. So five years later here we go.

Things are mostly the same with Miss. Her pants are poopy most days, which means she isn’t earning some privileges and she gets lots of practice at hand washing laundry because she takes responsibility and cleans the poopy pants. It’s getting worse instead of better. But life goes on.

She has had more issues with taking things that are not hers from school. We handle it, return it, etc. The teacher e-mailed me 2 weeks ago that Miss was refusing to do her best work on an important math test. The teacher had her redo the test 3 times. A few days later Miss received a “student of the month” award. Why should the child do better and try harder if she is rewarded for not doing? But life goes on.

She bullied a child at school again. I can’t remember if I posted about that or not. If I am repeating myself, bare with me. She demanded that the child play with her, the child did not want to so Miss started harassing her and when that didn’t work she got the student in trouble by reporting that the child called her a name that she didn’t. Miss never comprehended that she did anything wrong. I tried to reason with her that this was unkind and she got someone in trouble when they didn’t really do anything. Miss felt she deserved to be in trouble because she made her mad.

Even the behavior therapist sees that her need/demand for control is so valuable to her that it is very difficult to come up with leverage that will motivate her to make the right choice. He is supportive to our family and that is the real benefit.

We continue to know that we are being blessed with the means in which to cope with Miss’ issues. We pray that in time she will truly change from within. In the mean time we continue to do our best to help her and to keep moving forward.

With school being out I hope to have more opportunity to keep the blog updated.   Here are a few picture updates:

Mr. Man and his best bud at the awards.

Mr. Man with his Teacher.

(Sorry these photos are chopped up but the names were showing on the awards.)

    Miss at the awards.

The Hubs with his fish.

Jasmine the chihuahua!

Navigating Parenthood

Navigating parenthood with multiple children who are inherently different is complicated. As parents here in loo loo land we fumble through, always giving it our all and doing our personal best. Sometimes that still isn’t enough but it’s what we have.  RAD is still with us, very much healing but here. I wish there was a pill or a magic potion, a vaccine for RAD.

Today my troubled daughter had a very good day. We traveled 2 hours south for brother’s eye appointment with his specialist. His vision is doing awesome by the way. The littlest brother was a total and complete ace number one pain in the butt all day today. He decided to be 4 going on 5 and it was not convenient to say the least.

Despite little brother being a pain Miss and Mr. were the big kids and did very well. As a reward for good choices (which had been lacking over the past few days) we went to dinner without little brother. Little brother earned going to bed early tonight because he was obviously tired.

We were sitting at the table in the restaurant having a nice time with nice conversation. We were eating the yummy bread while we waited for our food. My daughter who has been with me since she was 2 and a half years old and fed very very well everyday that she has been in my presence, gazed around the room and snatched the bread in front of her when she thought no one was looking.

I did not say anything to her, it didn’t matter that she took it and it was totally fine for her to have it. The need to get it on her own, to insure for herself that she will have what she needs, is still with in her. It made me sad for her, for what she went through those first years.

I posted that I was able to arrange for a staff member to check on Miss during lunch to ensure that she isn’t taking food from others. The staff member contacted me this week and let me know that Miss is obviously watching to see if she is being watched. The food taking is not going on at this time and so naturally others behaviors have stepped up.

Miss has been coming home with jewelry and things from other children (more and more) and so I contacted the director of the after school program where the “gathering” seemed to be happening. She has nipped that in the bud for the time being. Miss of course is not happy with me for that. Additionally Miss had been fake doing homework during homework time at the after school program. She would do a small portion of her work and then claim to be done. They don’t check the children’s work they simply provide them time to work on homework. I tried to handle the situation with Miss myself. I talked to her two different times and at the last talk I let her know if she continued to choose not to do her homework then I would have to ask Ms. H to have her stay at the homework station for the whole homework time whether she was finished or not whether she had homework that day or not.

Naturally she needed to test me. When she came home and announced that she did not finish her homework at aftercare, a very simple and quick handwriting practice assignment, I asked her why she made that choice. She said, “Because I wanted to go and play.” Well thanks for the honesty however did Mom tell you that she would need to talk to Ms. H if you made that choice again? Yes. So you understand that Mom is going to speak to Ms. H and you will need to stay at the homework station from now on? Yes.

This strong willed child seems to have a perpetual figurative middle finger in the air at all times. I spoke to the director and she was very supportive and said no problem they will have Miss stay at the homework station the full 30 minutes and that will still give her 25 minutes of outside play during the first outside time.

So … Mom is not Miss Fabulous’ favorite person at this time. We have talked about choices and the choices we make lead to earning or losing privileges. It seems that Miss either has tantrums or poop in the pants. The behavior therapist suggested that we make dessert earned with clean pants and not earned with poopy pants. Miss said that was not fair because dessert was lost with tantrums not poopy pants. It was a valid point of view and so we talked it out. I explained that poopy pants are the same as tantrums because they are a choice. We can choose to keep our pants clean and we can choose to handle anger the right way and not tantrum. Or we can choose not to do those things. At first Miss was simply mad and things did not sink in.

Today everyone had the day off from school and Miss was clearly still mad at Mom. I went in to her room and we talked things through again. I told her that we don’t want her to feel that things are not fair because that is frustrating to a person and it makes the person feel mad. I told her that I wanted to try again to help her to understand that Mom and Dad’s decisions were fair. Lather, rinse, repeat. I reminded her that I wasn’t expecting anything from her that I did not expect from my other kids. If they have poopy pants or tantrums then they are letting me know that they don’t want dessert.

I told her also that I understood that I was not the Mom that she wanted and that it was okay for her to feel that way but I am the Mom she has so it would be better to try to make the best of that. She said okay and she had a pretty good day today so here’s hoping.

It Was A Nice Two Weeks ...

and now we are back to reality.  Miss is pushing every button that Mommy has and I am trying to hold it in with a smile.  So far I am doing okay but it is certainly stressful.

I was explaining to my oldest why little sister is on a program to earn a "bath pass" but she has to take a bath daily.  Mr. Man had voiced his unhappiness with the program as well.  And during my parental explanation I said, "Parenting is not a democracy, it is not always "fair" but it is always "right" because your Dad and I know best and have all of your best interest at heart."  My mother in law thought I should right that down.

I went on to explain to the oldest that she has a lot more privileges than her little sister because she proves with her behavior choices that she can handle those privileges.  That may not always look fair to someone else but as the parent I know that it is what is right for the children involved.  The conversation ended with her giving me a "okay" shoulder shrug and going off to get her bath so I count that as a successful conversation.

There was more on the lunch room chicken nugget status this week.  The nugget debris is still coming home in Miss' lunch bag.  I asked her what she had got from the lunch room and she said nothing.  I asked why there was nugget crumbs in her bag and she gave me the "I don't want to talk to you" shoulder shrug.  It is amazing how much can be communicated with the shoulder shrug.  Later I asked the question in a different way and got further.  I asked who gave her food in the lunch room and she said K did.  I asked why and she said "because I like them."  I asked what K ate and she said "nothing because she was not hungry."

That did not sound good to me.  We have one child eating two lunches and one child not eating any lunch.  I remembered that the exceptional education coordinator at the school who is also the IEP coordinator who gives us a fight in getting what we want and need, had mentioned that she monitored the lunch room when Miss was eating lunch.  She can be very difficult to deal with but she knows RAD and she knows that Miss has it and she has made that clear to me.  So in this case she seemed like the best choice.  I contacted her and let her know the situation and my concern that the other child was not eating lunch.  She assured me she would handle it and it seems that she did.  So far no more nugget debris and it would seem that everyone is eating their lunch.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

Maybe that really is true, that being away from someone makes us value them more when we are together again. I think it is true. But the surprising thing is it seems to be true for Miss Fabulous as well.

When I still see the RAD markers surface in her life and ours I find myself asking, “How healed is she? How healed is she ever going to be?” But the truth seems to be just as other RAD experienced parents have said that the healing is a long time coming. And yet she is healing just the same.

Last week was our school districts Spring Break. After our weekend of camping, which I will post about later, Miss went to stay with the Grandparents for Spring Break week. She had a great time being the only child and playing in the hot tub and getting undivided non-stop attention. It used to be that although the break was needed and enjoyable the he** that she ensued on this household upon her return made it almost not worth it. But this time she came home like most kids do, that is she was thrilled to see every one of us and has been sweet as a peach. Of course it often seems put on and fake but she is making a real effort that much is clear and we are happy with nice even if it is a little fake-o.

Tonight after her bath she asked me to help her with her hair. She asked nicely and was respectful. I kind of had a pause for a moment as if candid camera was going to be jumping out from behind the bathroom door to real the joke. But no, that did not happen. While I was braiding her hair she asked if I remember the time that she got mad and screamed and then I showed her the birth date papers. I looked confused because I was and she said never mind. But I racked my brain and thought back to a time maybe a year or more ago, I’m pretty sure I blogged about it, when she got angry at me and said that I wasn’t her real Mom anyway. Once everything had calmed down I went and got all of the kids birth certificates. We always do a second adoption here in our home state so that the kids official documents are issued from our state and not only from their country of birth. So when you line up everyone’s birth certificate they all look alike, even Big Sis’s. I showed her all the documents and told her that I was her real mother just the same way that I am Lil Bro’s, Mr. Man’s and Big Sis’s mother. I said see the papers say that I am your Mom and that The Hubs is your Dad.

I told her that I understood that she grew in someone else’s tummy and so did Lil Bro and so did Mr. Man and that those woman are very special because they gave each of my children life but I am your real Mom and that’s how it is going to be forever. I have never heard her say the real Mom bit again. Although it will no doubt be coming my way again once the teen years hit, heaven help me.

She said yes that was the time she was talking about and then she said, “But you are my real Mom.” It was a very sincere apology for something that she had said to me months ago. 

Miss had soccer practice today and she really gave it her all and she was down right impressive and because she did not sabotage herself and really tried her best it gave me a great opportunity to praise her all up and cheer her on.  I was the Mom giving her the thumbs up and she was the kid waving to me from the field when she scored the goal.  It was awesome and she really seemed to feel good about really trying and succeeding.  And I think it lead to her wanting me to know that she knows who her real Mom is even though all the baggage from the past hurts and so sometimes I am the Mom that gets to be the punching bag.

Twilight Zone Report Card Day

I am having a twilight zone moment.  I am hoping for clarification from other smart parents.

Over the past few weeks Miss has had notes sent home saying that she was off task many times through out the day, that she had "kicked some boys at recess" but Miss clarified that she tripped the boys first because they would not play with her and then she kicked them, and also there has been the whole lunch room thing which I mentioned in my last post.  Granted the teacher probably knows nothing about that since she is not with them during lunch.  But in addition she has work sent home WEEKLY that has to be signed (at the teachers request) because of the failing grade received.

Yesterday was report card day.  Mr. Man's was typical with good grades and a basic comment about him progressing well in second grade.  However, Miss Fabulous had a mind-blowingly fabulous report card to the point that I feel alarmed.  Unless you parent a challenging child that probably sounds really odd.  Here's why I feel alarmed ...

The child that we have in our home and family life does NOT make friends well.  She doesn't express truly caring for or connecting with people.  She can go through the motions of "getting along" when we have visitors but only for a short period of time and she often/usually rages after they leave. 

She recently said, "I love everyone!"  When I casually asked her what it means to love someone I could have just as easily asked her to explain nuclear fusion.  It was a nice thing to say and she understands that so she said it but she doesn't have a grasp on what it means.  Not even on her four year old brother's level.  He can explain to a person what love means in his four year old way and it is sincere and you can ascertain that he knows what loving someone is.  Even her brother with Asperger's Syndrome can clearly explain what loving his family means, despite being socially awkward.

At soccer practice we see the other 7 kids becoming a team and connecting with and supporting each other.  She doesn't seem to know how.  She smiles at the other kids in an awkward way and keeps to herself on the bench while she waits for her turn to go and play.  When they perform activities that are to promote team effort she gives half effort and it is clear to anyone watching her.  When it is about her she tends to go all out.  Not that this is surprising or life ending but I'm painting a verbal picture so that you can empathize with my Twilight Zone. 

With our congregation she is aloof and disinterested or she puts on a fake awkward smile and attempts to make nice when people approach her.  She is disconnected from the children her age.

With her siblings she truly struggles with interaction.  She either seems to watch from the outside looking in or she sabotages group interaction.  When she interacts positively with a sibling it is always one on one.  Even with the professional behavior therapist here she is going to "attention seek" by getting upset and crying and stomping and pouting or by getting angry.  Last week the CBA had to put this child in a restraining hold because she flew into a rage because I directed her to review her homework with the CBA instead of meeting her demand that I go over the homework. 

However, these are the remarks from Miss' report card - "Miss has been working hard on trying to do her best on all of her work.  She needs to slow down and take her time when doing all of her work.  She is such a great helper to all of her classmates and they all love her.  Keep working hard Miss!!!"

As a parent a person should read that on a report card and be thrilled but I live in the Twilight Zone on report card day.  Out of 28 categories on the report card Miss received 20 OUTSTANDINGs and 8 SATISFACTORY marks. 

Under LIFELONG LEARNING, SKILLS OF INDEPENDENCE
Accepts Responsibility for own actions and
SKILLS OF COOPERATION
Respects rights and property of others and
works and plays cooperatively Miss received OUTSTANDING and part of the reason I live in the Twilight Zone on report card day is because I don't think tripping and kicking others at recess classifies as OUTSTANDING.  Apparently the teacher does?  She seems really sane so I don't think so but it makes me ask why?  Why does this teacher and ALL of Miss' teachers omit reality on report card day? 

Mr. Man received 16 OUTSTANDINGs, 10 SATISFACTORY marks, and 2 NOT DEMONSTRATED CONSISTENTLY marks for Writes legibly and Solves subtraction problems.  And he has an above average IQ according to the school's testing.  He definitely responds well to the structure and predictability of school routine and is better behaved at school than at home to a point but he isn't a completely different person. 

I am considering meeting with the teacher and the speech/language pathologist and asking them for examples of her OUTSTANDING positive interaction with peers and friends.  I am truly blown away and would like to present the professionals that work with Miss in real life examples of what the school is talking about verses the examples of what we see in family life.

What do you think?

Homework Headaches

Thanks for all the comments checking in on me!

Overall Miss Fab is doing well and is obviously stable at the moment.  However, she is digging in with both heals regarding homework.  Despite getting A's in math on her report card she maintains that she does not know how to do the work.  One  minute she can count money and the next she has no clue.  She wants us to do the work step for step for her.  In the past this gag worked pretty well for her.  She is very believable and as a parent your natural instinct is to help the child.  Unfortunately she is clearly manipulating the help and now that we have our ducks in a row and clearly understand her level of ability it is time for her to get to work.

She is going into full on rages, ripping up the papers with her aggressive erasing technique and flat out refusing to move forward.  After an hour and a half for 5 problems and a full on rage I decided that we would give her 10 minutes to get the work done or Dad would take her to school the next morning and explain to Mrs. Teacher why the paper looked the way it did and why it was still not complete.  She was clearly torn.  She did not like the thought of him coming to class and talking to Mrs. Teacher but she also did not want to give in and do the work.  She completed one more of the math problems and it was done correctly but refused to do the last problem.

Dad took her to school the next day and asked Mrs. Teacher if Miss Fab knew how to do this work and she was confident that she did.  He explained what had happened etc.  The teacher said that Miss refuses to answer when she is called on sometimes and sometimes she does not complete her work.  Dad explained in the past that it had been determined that was willful behavior and having to do work during recess time had encouraged her to get her work completed in a timely manner.

We have a conference scheduled with Miss Fab's teacher on Nov. 9.

Mr. Behavior Guy was not all together helpful yesterday.  He seemed to talk out of both sides of his mouth saying one thing one time and another thing the next time.  He started falling back on "I'm using this method and that method" regarding homework help and trying to determine which method works best.  The Hubs and I were perturbed and explained numerous times that we were confident that Miss understood the work and she needed to do it.  He would agree with that but his actions didn't support that.  It was disheartening because this guy has been coming to our house for 2 years, once a week to work with Miss.  He has seen her in a full on rage many times, he has watched the manipulation she uses and still she can convince him that she doesn't know something that she does know.  What chance do with have with a teacher?  None.

Ultimately the suggestion was to work the homework through with Miss on a separate piece of paper and then have her redo the work on her actual homework sheet to turn in.  This way she is still having to accomplish the work independently and she can not maintain that she doesn't understand it.  The consequence within the "method" is that she has to do the work twice if she isn't willing to do the work independently the first time.  We are going to give it a try.  If she refuses to do the work independently the second time, having the answers and the work right in front of her from the first time, then it is clearly willful and we are to stick to her not moving on to anything else until she does it.  We are in for some lonnnnnnnnnnng nights.

On a positive note the weekend went pretty well.  The Hubs and I took Mr. Man and Miss Fabulous camping, in a tent this past weekend.  Big Sis went to Grandma's for a visit and Lil Bro got the weekend to himself with Nana. 

                                                     Miss took this picture of Mom and Dad.

They fell asleep, you would have thought they were rowing!

It was a really nice experience for the kids.  And Mom made it through too. 

Dad was in his glory!

Thoughts?

Just blogging in here.  Things have been up and down lately.  September is not an easy month for Miss Fabulous and never has been.  We actually took custody of her in the month of September (5 years ago) and I saw behavior from her that I had not observed before that time (during other visits) including a weird unprovoked tantrum.  The first of many.

We have an appointment with Dr. Psychiatrist tomorrow and I will be discussing with him behavior that I observed Miss engaged in in the classroom.  It was not appropriate and yet the teacher and students were not aware of what was going on.  When she came home that day I told her I had passed by her classroom while I was there doing some volunteer work for another teacher.  I said that I had seen her doing something that was not okay to do at school and I asked her what that behavior was.  She told me exactly what I had seen and more, not good.

I have already discussed the situation with the behavior therapist and got his input on it.  Tomorrow we will talk to Dr. Psychiatrist and see what he advises.  A parent never gets used to dealing with this stuff.

As I said to the behavior therapist my fear is that Miss is a loaded gun.  Her view point of right and wrong is  'what are the odds of getting caught'.  He agreed.

If you have any thoughts or suggestions bring it on!  Thanks in advance!

Open House

Because life likes to be funny, odd that is not ha ha, Miss Fabulous' teacher was moved to another school and Miss has been moved into a class that is a mix of both second and third grade students.  The principal could have moved her to any second grade class but she choose to place her in this class. 

My first reaction was that of a deer in headlights about to be splattered.  But then I reflected on the fact that the principal had information in hand about Miss and her needs and so maybe there is a method to her madness.  This class seems to primarily be made up of more advanced students, bright quick learners with good reading skills.  Things that make you go hummmm?  Since Miss has an IEP and is already being placed into extra resource opportunities it could seem as if something were a miss. 

However, statistically the kids who fit the above description are well behaved.  Let me just say the crowd that Miss has been running with since Kindergarten, those who need more help with reading and basic learning skills, are more often than not described as a "hand full".  So maybe there is a method to the madness indeed.

The school had open house Tuesday night and The Hubs and I like the new Mrs. Teacher.  I sent her the customary e-mail giving her a little heads up on my Miss Fabulous and was hopeful that she already had the heads up from the principal.  Reading between the lines of what was said and what was not said I believe that she did already have the heads up. 

She explained that Miss had been very helpful to a new student that day and that she seemed sweet with the student and so forth.  She was clearly impressed but cautiously so.  I looked her dead in the eyes and smiled and said, "She certainly can be but it is best to remember that she is a complicated little person and there is more to the story than that."  She responded, "Absolutely and thank you so much for the e-mail with the back ground information, that is really good to know."  In the past what we have heard from other teachers is, "Oh I think we will do just fine, she won't have any problems in my class."  So at least at the start we are remaining positive that this situation has the potential to be a good fit for Miss.

Despite her rage on Saturday all in all she seems to be making good effort to handle the change that has come her way.  She is putting on a good face and continues to say that things are fine and that she likes the new teacher.  I know the reality is that this has rocked her at her very core.  Mrs. Teacher #1 has left her and so she feels abandoned.  She has lost students from her class that she did not want to lose and perhaps gained people she is not interested in gaining.  Her recess time is different and so she no longer sees her brother and her friends that she has been seeing at recess since Kindergarten her class now goes with the third grade students.  These changes would be difficult for a typical child who has not experienced trauma.  She really is doing well with what she has going on, at least for now.

Progress!

I'm Trying ...

to keep perspective. 

I have been absent from the bloggy world for a few weeks because we have been busy busy busy with

• kids going back to school
• Lil Bro beginning school
• Big Sis beginning her education at home
• doctor appointments
• family visiting from out of state
• Mommy being sick
• ect.

It seems that we are settling in to these changes and getting it together a bit more.

Big Sis and I both love love love her on line virtual public school.  The curriculum is through K12 and so far I am really thrilled with it and so is Big Sis.

Lil Bro has been adjusting to heading off to pre-k and accepting that Mommy leaves and comes back.  He seems to have wrapped his teachers right around his little finger so I guess that is going well.

Lil Bro had a speech evaluation through the public school system and we were surprised to hear that his speech is acceptable for his age however he has a mild language delay.  It is really mild as in he scored 26 and if he scored 27 he would not be considered to have a delay.  He struggled with questions, who type questions in particular.  That was surprising to us as we had not noticed it but it seems that we probably instinctively reword things until he does understand.  At any rate I am sure we will have that all fixed up in no time.

There is the name of a fruit in Lil Bro's school, let's say it's banana (it isn't but let's say that).  He was none too happy about going off to "banana school" and requested "oh please don't send me back to that banana school, they got bugs!"  He also explained that the circle time carpet "makes me cry!"  "Oh please don't leave me on that circle carpet, it always make me cry!"  Circle time carpet is when the Mom's have to go.

Although he is not happy with Mom leaving he has come to accept it and there are no more tears or complaints about banana school.

Mr. Man and Miss Fabulous are adjusting to life as second graders.  Mr. Man is having a great year so far and has a wonderful teacher (we picked her).

Miss is up to her shenanigans.  She has replaced rage outburst with things like smearing poop all over her rear end and the toilet seat when Mom said she could not go in the pool yet because it was not pool time yet.  She is faking illness at school and it would seem running around in the hallway with her classmate.  Why do I conclude this?  Her classroom is 10 feet from the clinic and she took 5 minutes to get there.  Why was she there?  She pulled her loose tooth out and swallowed it and claimed it was wedged in her throat.  She was apparently so convincing that the nurse didn't know what was up or down and called me to see how I wanted to handle the alleged tooth in throat.

I asked was Miss coughing or seeming to choke on anything?  No. 
Did she speak funny like she had irritation in her throat?  No. 

The nurse actually said that there was no way to know for sure with out an x-ray.  That poor woman was so bamboozled that she actually considered an x-ray for a teeny tiny baby tooth that all medical evidence showed was NOT in the child's throat.

What was going on however is that Miss had a substitute teacher that day who does not fall for her stuff and so she was ready to go home for the day.  The nurse kept Miss in the clinic for 35 minutes for this non-sense and gave her 2 cookies.  I don't know but I don't think giving crunchy cookies to a person who may need an x-ray for a tooth stuck in their throat is a wise course of action.

I explained to the nurse when she called me that Miss had a behavior history and being that she had a substitute teacher that she did not like I felt pretty confident that she simply wanted to go home.  The nurse clearly thought I was heartless and handled the situation by giving Miss cookies.

I bet you will never guess where Miss headed the next day for "chocking on a grape"?  Yep she headed to the clinic the next day as well.  The nurse seemed to have a better clue by day two.  She kept her for 3 minutes in the clinic, did not call Mom and did not pass out cookies.

We have had a billion and two other shenanigans but I'll spare you.  I will say that Miss is on Mama's 3rd last nerve and jumping!  She has moved right past plucking and is jumping on my last nerve.  I am however doing a bang up job not letting her see that.

I am trying to keep perspective and see the improvement that we have.  Family life is more manageable than it was in times past.  She is not raging 2 and 3 times a day.  In fact her rages are few and far between.  But I have to say I do get tired of the shenanigans!

I am trying to go through and read blog post and see how others are holding up.

CAT scan and Blood Draw Y'all

I picked up Miss Fabulous from school today, me and the crew that is.  We had lunch at Taco Bell and that was just enough time wasted to be ready to head off to Miss Fabulous appointment for a CAT scan and Blood Draw.  These had been ordered by her ENT to check for allergies and to get a look at what is going on in her sinus region.

I assured her this was just a picture of her nose with a really huge camera but like all cameras it could not hurt her.  What she heard was the voice of adults on the Charlie Brown cartoon.  With the info off of the recent psych eval I should have done a interpretive dance to communicate this message.  I have foot pain and my back hurts so that is iffy at best.

Pure terror on the poor child's face as she lay there strapped on to the table waiting to see what horror was to become of her.  She was frozen and shaking all at the same time with eyes wide open like saucers.  The whole thing took 2 minutes if that and when the technician returned she immediately started crying.  The technician felt sorry for her and started bringing her stuff like stickers and a bear.  I remained calm and assured her that everything was fine and we moved along.  She did not know that a blood draw was next.

Sadly I can not prepare her ahead of time because it doesn't help her, it just begins her anxiety sooner than necessary.  We walked into the room for the blood draw and she saw the equipment and knew where we were.  She sat quiet until the technician pulled out the needled and then she started screaming and kicking the technician in the leg.  The Tech called for back up and I simply sat next to her and remained calm.  The back up person was a gift.  She was kind but firm and kindly called Miss out on the fact that she had simply entered into a state of drama.  She started asking her age specific questions.  Miss would pause the screaming and answer the questions and then continue screaming. 

Afterward we went and got a soda, that was a hit.  Overall I was really impressed with her bounce back.  It didn't send her whole mood into a downward spiral.  The rest of the day went well. 

I was able to speak with Mrs. Summertime Teacher today.  Miss is still not finishing her work but is putting forth more effort and the work that she is doing is better overall.  She is earning a few minutes of recess at the end of recess.  I love this teacher!  Miss feels secure because she isn't getting away with things as much and she is getting praise for doing real work and consequences for not doing real work.

I asked Mrs. Teacher if she recommended that I take the recent psych eval and ask Mrs. Principal to match Miss with a teacher that will be more likely to motivate her in a similar that Mrs. Summertime Teacher has.  She said definitely!

So that's my next move.

The Written Report

We received the written report from the University this weekend. 

"Psychological Evaluation for Learning Disability:  WISC-IV & WIAT-II Interpretation"

"The current psychological evaluation will provide diagnostic clarification and recommendations based on M's performance."

"Relevant Background Information:"  This could also be titled "Mom says ..." and "Dr. Psychiatrist says" and "Mr. Behavior Guy says."

"Methods of Evaluation:  Clinical Interview, Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children, Fourth Edition (WISC-IV), Wechsler Individual Achievement Test, Second Edition (WIAT-II)."

"Behavioral Observations:  ... remained silent and smiled when spoken to.  ... obtained information from Psychiatrist and CBA due to concerns about selective mutism demonstrated throughout the clinical interview ... As voluntary mutism would preclude psychological testing ...

On the first day of testing M was pleasant and cooperative with the examiner.  Furthermore, rapport was easily established with M.  The examiner noted periods in which M seemed to tune out and disengage from the task at hand."  She discusses how she handled that, pretty straight forward stuff.

"The examiner noted a pronounced tendency for M to be hasty in her decision making, arriving at answers impulsively without fully considering the sequential problem solving steps needed to deduce an answer logically.  These behavioral observations were consistent across testing sessions and M demonstrated similar observable deficits in sequential problem solving strategy and impulsivity in giving answers on the second day of testing."

"Test Results and Interpretation:  WISC-IV
general cognitive ability is with in Low Average range of intellectual functioning, as measured by the Full Scale IQ score.  Her overall thinking and reasoning abilities exceed those of approximately 21% of children her age.  ...  verbal reasoning abilities as measured by the Verbal Comprehension Index are in the low average range and above 16% of her peers.  The Verbal Comprehension Index is designed to measure verbal reasoning and concept formation.

... nonverbal reasoning abilities are in the Average range and above those of approximately 39% of her peers.  ... designed to measure fluid reasoning in the perceptual domain with task that access nonverbal concept formation, visual perception and organization, simultaneous processing, visual-motor coordination, learning, and the ability to separate figure and ground in visual stimuli.  M presents a diverse set of nonverbal abilities, performing much better on some nonverbal skills than others.  The degree of variability is unusual for a child her and age and may be noticeable to adults who know her well.

... M's ability to sustain attention, concentrate and exert mental control is in the low average range.  She preformed better than approximately 9% of her age-mates in this area.

... M's ability in processing simple or routine visual material without making errors is in the Average range when compared to her peers.  She performed better than approximately 66% of her peers on the processing speed tasks.  Processing visual material quickly is an ability that M performs well as compared to her verbal reasoning ability.

... M's speed of visual information processing us significantly better developed than her attention, concentration, and mental control.  The direction and magnitude of this difference is rare, found only in 6.3% of the population".   The terms "rare" and "uncommon" are further used to describe "visual information processing which is significantly better than her verbal reasoning concept formation ... 11 % of the population."   ... "nonverbal reasoning and concept formation is significantly better developed than her attention concentration and mental control.  The direction and magnitude of this difference is uncommon, occuring in only 15.1 % of the population." 

When asked verbally the clinician indicated this was consistent with "her psychiatric diagnosis' ."

"Analysis of broader patterns across composite scores reveals insufficiently developed attention and concentration.  Her working memory, auditory short-term memory, and long-term memory retrieval abilities are inadequately developed.  M's auditory acuity, discrimination, and vocal processing abilities show insufficient development.  Furthermore, insufficient language development and lexical knowledge contribute to her inadequately developed vocabulary and verbal comprehension abilities.  It is possible that the scores were negatively influenced by insufficient use of encoding and rehearsal strategies.  The extent of outside reading could have also impacted the scores.  Additionally, the scores may have been negatively impacted by insufficient  interest and reading patterns."

The report goes on to talk about the different levels of testing.  Good information.

... "... no learning disabilities ... Her difficulties in school and the inconsistencies observed by M's family may be attributable to impulsiveness, low frustration and boredom tolerance and poor interpersonal coping."  ... suggestions are giving for helping her in the classroom "would address her weakness in auditory learning."

... "Persistence is an area of difficulty for M.  While she has the basic capacities of reading, she does not apply problem solving skills consistently and demonstrates deficient frustration tolerance.  She has a proclivity for jumping to conclusion rather than working through the problem in a step by step sequential manner.  ...  rather than work through the steps she jumps to a conclusive answer that also seems to be arbitrarily assigned.  Furthermore, M does not exhibit the ability to delay her responses and does not engage in retrieval of information from long-term memory in answering factual questions." 

She's got it but doesn't choose to use it.  hmmmmmm

This is my favorite part and for a parent that has been beaten up was parental validation.  ...  "The inconsistency seen across M's test scores at school are further evidence that her difficulties arise from an inconsistent application of her abilities.  While her teachers may consistently state that M is persistent and effortful in her work, the test findings are more consistent with the parents conceptualization of the issue of M not consistently applying herself." 

"While she may appear to be attending in class due to her consistent ability to maintain eye contact, this is misleading.  M appears to to tune out and it is  noticeable when she is no longer listening and comprehending what is being said to her."  ...

The clinician encourages "a system of contingency management" at home and at school.  And organized sport activity like soccer is also recommend.

It is a 10 page report so I have tried to hit the highlights here.  Hope this is useful.

Little Bits of Normal

I think it might be hard for anyone to really know what normal is anymore but as far as I can tell we had a bit of it around here this past weekend.  Hold on there let me back the train up and mention our minor derailing on Friday evening.

Miss Fabulous in all fairness had not had the best week.  I mean from her point of view with it kind of stunk it up bit.  You know with the whole summer school/ enrichment program's Mrs. Teacher expecting her to do work and all and then not letting her have recess with the other kids when she did not do said work.  And you know Mom called her out on several things this week, also in the no likey category.  So I pretty much knew we had it comin so to speak.

Friday night she got through pizza dinner with no problems, go figure.  However, when it came time to clean up the toys which meant get ready for bed which meant that we the parents would be discovering the fact that her pants were not clean which meant she would need to get a bath ... ah heck she just decided to blow her lid a big one.  I mean it was no holds bar going right for the violence and aggression.  Poor Dad was taken a back and it took him a minute or two to get with the program.  He tried to block and redirect her but she wasn't having it and she wasn't being safe.  He did a great job of keeping her safe and when it was all said and done she cleaned up the toys and got a bath.  Bummer, I would have preferred to skip the rage outburst and just get right to clean up and bath but it wasn't my call.

Oh yeah so where is the normal you ask?  After that she did pretty well for the rest of the weekend.

She played with the siblings.  She did not want to include Mr. Man and we do understand that the sisters like to have some play time with out boys so we set a time when it would be Mr. Man's turn to join the "play date".  Funny thing was she was all done playing when it was his turn to join.  Mom directed the crew (the 3 oldest kids) to go ahead and enjoy their play date.  Mr. Man wanted to play with his beanie babies and Big Sis was okay with that so they moved forward.  3 2 1 "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmm Miss Fabulous is being mean and has a bad attitude and isn't playing nice."  Enter Miss Fabulous crying hysterically that Big Sis was tattling on her.  Mom asked if what Big Sis said was true?  To which Miss answered YES!!!  I said then Big Sis was not tattling and that she could return to the play date or she could have a tantrum and then return to the play date.  Banshee screams and door kicks and two minutes later she went back into the room and played beanie baby mania for all of 5 minutes and then Mr. Man was all done with the play date too.

Our current focus is to help Miss Fabulous finish things and follow through.  Sometimes we have to play with a sibling for a few minutes just to be nice people and that's life.  And ... tantrums won't get her out of what she needs to do.  Darn!  Going up sure can be full of a lot of things you don't want to do.  And that's one to grow on.

This weekend included:

1.  a trip to the mall where no one fell apart before during or after the outing.  Good stuff! 
2. A day trip to a Florida Spring which included swimming in water that was 72 degrees (sounds warmer than it is),
3. packing our own back packs for what we would need for the day (we are all becoming independent little people),
4. car trip, dinner out, changing clothes in a public restroom, piling in and out of the van multiple times,
5. loads of inquiring looks containing questions such as "are these people all together?" "is this a his hers and theirs situation and if so where is the Latino DNA giver?" "is one of those kids Asian too?" and last but not least "did that kid just try to pee in the grass over there?"

Yes it was a fun filled action packed weekend!  As far as the peeing in the grass goes um well you see we have a pool and Lil Bro sometimes has to go pee while swimming and we don't want him to pee in the pool for goodness sakes so we have um well kind of said that yeah he could pee in the grass since we have a privacy fence and all.  Probably not the best idea but ... anyway so when Lil Bro was swimming in the spring and I said "do you have to go potty" and he nodded yes and I turned to make sure that another adult knew to watch the other kids while I took him potty.  Why yes I did turn around to see my 4 year old's swim suit half way down and he was preparing to pee in the grass and yes an on looker nearly hurt herself laughing her behind off. 

What can I say?  We keep it interesting!

Liar Pants on Fire

Caught Miss Fabulous in some major story telling.  Bold face look you in the eyes untruths.

She did not know that I already had the report from Mrs. Teacher about her missing recess because of not finishing work. 

When she came home we had our chit chat time and I asked, "So how was recess today?"  She said, "Uh fine well we didn't have recess today." 

"You didn't?"

"Well some people did not finish their work and so we did not go out to recess."

"Humm, that sounds different than what Mrs. Teacher told me."

Blank face.

We talked on and it was not getting any more truthful on her end so I asked her why she was lying to me about recess.  Very non-threatening tone of voice just curious kind of a thing.  She looked sheepish and said, "Well I don't know what Mrs. Teacher already told you."

I suggested that she just go with the truth and that the stories would then be the same.  That seemed to be a concept she had not considered.  The truth was she was the only one that had missed recess, she had to sit out of recess while the other kids played.  Two different stories for sure.

I explained to her in a 'for your information' kind of a way that things would not be going the way that they did last year and that the teachers were now aware that she was able to do the work and to do it on time.  That is was totally her choice if she did not choose to do her work but then she was choosing not to go out at recess and play.  "Either way is okay with Mom but I just thought you had the right to know."

Not that it is truly okay with me but I have come to accept that I can not make her do things and if she believes that her not doing something is upsetting to me it makes it all the more powerful to her.

She was very quiet and disconnected for a while.  She sat on the couch pinching her arm.  Then we had dinner and she seemed to come out of it.  Bath time came and she made a big to-do about that but didn't rage or anything.

Then the evening moved on as usual and she read stories with Big Sis and then I tucked her in.

Summer School Drool

Miss Fabulous started summer school this past Monday.  Correction she began the "summer enrichment program" which last for only 2 weeks because of budget cuts. 

At first the Mrs. Teacher seemed overly sweet and we had initial concern that we were going to have a repeat of the last school year for these next two weeks.  Not so.  Summer time Mrs. Teacher ROCKS!  She is kind but says what she means and means what she says.  Miss' tears did not get her recess time even though she choose not to do ANY WORK WHAT SO EVER. 

Mrs. Teacher explained that she gave reminders to the group that anyone that did not complete their work would not be having recess time.  She said Miss was very well behaved as she sat at her seat and refused to do any work.  Mrs. Teacher explained that she would not be going out to recess and the tears came with minor drama.  Mrs. Teacher asked Miss if it would be fair for her to have recess when she CHOOSE not to do her work and the other children did.  Miss said that it would not be fair.

I am loving this lady!  Thank you Mrs. Teacher for helping our little one with real true help so that she can continue to develop and grow in the right direction!

Today Mrs. Teacher explained that Miss put forth a better effort but still did not complete her work so no recess but Mrs. Teacher was pleased with the improved effort.  Cool beans Miss Fabulous!

We are on the edge of our seat waiting for the written report and results of the testing so that we can make the school aware of Miss needs for the upcoming school year.  A watched pot never seems to boil!

I was able to catch Mr. Behavior Guy up last night on what we found out via testing.  He had been on vacation so this was the first he had heard of the results.  This gives him good direction as to which direction to go in with Miss behavior education.

All in all the kids are doing very well at this time.  Miss had a great weekend with really good behavior and choices.  Mr. Man is struggling at times but is over all stable.  Go team Loo-Loo!

More on the Results

There was so much information it is hard to get my thoughts together with out the documents in front of me so I am spitting it out as it comes to me.  Thanks for bearing with me.  I will post more nuts and bolts scoring type information once we receive that in the mail.

Did I mention the clinician started by saying, "Let's start with the good news, the good news is that Miss does not have any learning disabilities.  However, ..."  I thought here we go, what on earth has been revealed?



Miss' low tolerance for boredom and frustration is consistent with her "psychiatric diagnosis' ", primarily Bipolar disorder.  She is stable and does have the skills needed to work through boredom and frustration more appropriately.  Tantrums and disconnect are quick outs.

She is comfortable with her family and more likely to go right to the tantrum portion of the event, aren't we privileged?  In other settings she primarily disconnects.  The clinician said that she disconnects often and as soon as she is bored or frustrated or things just are less than interesting to her.  Again because she is staring right at you it can be difficult in a class of 20 plus kids for a teacher to realize that she is "checked out".  The clinician said, "If you are a teacher that is scanning for eyes you will likely miss that she is not engaged."

Again not ADHD.

But she also felt that after reviewing all the class work that I had brought to her and the report cards and everything else that it seemed shocking that the teacher felt that Miss was putting forth her best effort.  The speech teacher and the intern in the classroom all said the same thing though.  Children with RAD have skills like a magician!

Miss has no actual processing or sequencing disorder but that is an area of weakness and challenge for her.  The clinician felt that this seemed consistent with the malnutrition history and delayed motor skills that had come with that.  However, Miss has all the needed ability to push past this challenge and preform better.  The clinician said that it isn't that Miss doesn't have long term memory skills she just isn't interested in accessing them most of the time.

Her reading skills were much higher than we would have guessed. Again, she doesn't want to de-code so she just puts a word in but she has the ability.

More than anything the testing confirmed what we believed that we knew about her.  I was not confident on how challenged she was or wasn't by processing and sequencing problems or if she had any actual disorder but my belief was that she could do better than she was doing. 

With RAD it can be very difficult to trust what you believe you know about the child, at least it can be for me.  It was both reassuring and validating but it was also sad to know that I'm not wrong.  That she isn't the child she can so convincingly pretend to be with others.  I would rather be wrong.  I would rather her only hurtle in life be that she got stuck with a family that doesn't jive with her.  That our dynamics are too challenging for her abilities.  (Someone once said to us that Miss only problem was that we just had too many kids in our family.  That we had more children than we could handle.)

To know for sure that she has all the ability to do better she just isn't ... I guess on the positive side is a confidence boaster in terms of how we parent.

The clinician emphasized that Miss needs to be pushed to finish things to the end and that it was crucial that we continue to work on this now before she gets to middle and high school.   We need to continue to focus on her behavior being her choice and that she choose the results by choosing to behave in that way.

Keep doing what you are doing and hope for the best.  I feel a little yikes unnerved about that.

While we had this hour and a half meeting with Ms. Clinician the 3 non-camper kids did really well sitting through that bunch of boring.  They brought a puzzle to do and then Lil Bro climbed in my lap and started chanting "hungry, hungry, hungry".  Mr. Man played with my hair and complained about how long we had been talking and Big Sis stretched out on the sofa at one point. 

We are a funny group.

The Results Are In

The nominees in the category of 'who knows that kid best' are:

Mrs. Teacher

Critical family members

But in Friend

and

The Mom

And the award goes to...

















THE MOM!

Miss Fabulous has NO LEARNING disabilities, average to low average intelligence, wants things to be easy and instantly gratifying, her way, and she wants the easy route to getting there - excessively so.  VERY low frustration tolerance, boredom tolerance and her way of handling this is to explode and tantrum or disassociate.

The clinician said that it would be easy to miss the fact that she has disconnected mentally in the classroom setting because she is "still looking right at you" but "she isn't there anymore". 

At home and with family she is confident and comfortable to let it all hang out and so she explodes and tantrums.  She knows the right behavior choice, chooses not to make that choice because she wants what she perceives as the easy way to what she wants.

She has isolated herself emotionally.  Clinician said, "She has a wall up with borders and a mote.  She is not interested in anyone getting in."  She views other children as either a threat or competition that is in the way of getting what she wants.  Therefore we see lacking peer relationships and bullying.  At present she is not interested in being their friend she wants them to get out of her way. 

I swear the clinician said all this.

We will get the written report shortly but she showed us all the info.  Because this is through the university the supervisor has to sign off on the report before the clinician can give it to us and the clinician has to meet with the parents before she can present the report to the supervisor to be signed.

In terms of academics it is exactly as I/We suspected, she is capable of better results but the better results require effort on her part and she is not putting forth effort.  This is the reason for the inconsistency.  She needs to be motivated and made to push through to the results not babied with excuses made for her.  I AM TALKING TO YOU MRS. TEACHER!

Processing and sequencing are not strong points for her but she does not have a disorder and still falls with in the normal limits in those areas, again she just needs to be willing to make more effort to use the skills that "she clearly has".

As soon as I get the results in writing I am going to meet with the principal at the school and explain how last year went, how this year needs to go and ask her to make her decision on this years teacher based on this information.  This kid needs a butt kicker not a babier.

The clinician said there was a huge lack of effort on Miss Fabulous part during the testing.  Whether it was math or reading she always wanted to skip on to the answer and not do any work.  The answers were random and didn't seem to have base in knowledge most of the time.  Even when she was guessing at words instead of decoding there did not seem to be any reason to what word she was guessing.  We see this all the time.  When she was interested in the topic then she she could sustain attention and put forth better effort.

She did not test with in the range of a child with ADHD.  The lack of attention is from lack of effort.

Team sports was recommended because the emphasis is put on functioning as a group and no one person functions independent of the team.  Soccer is at the top of the list.

Sadly most things that she recommended are things we are and have been doing.  She seemed to understand that because she emphasised that Miss Fabulous knows what to do she is choosing not to do it.  I guess the old 'you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink' applies here.

I will add more later as I remember it, there was so much!

The weigh in ...

I am pruney from all the time we have spent in the pool this summer.  We have had a lot of fun, mostly.  Lil Bro is amazing us with his swimming skills.  He has amazing breath control, swims fast and dives like a fisherman.  His Dad is over the moon that he has a little athlete.  

We went to see Dr. Psychiatrist Friday.  That went well and I must say we were on our best behavior.

He is looking forward to the findings of the testing the university did.  He said he faxed them the entire file so that "they would know what they were dealing with".  I have an appointment Monday to meet with the clinician.

The doctor did not change any ones meds.  The disruption that we have had lately is mild in comparison and he feels that the kids will level back out when school starts.

He asked Miss M if she gets angry and she looked at him with the "now I must kill you eyes" and said, "yes."  Then she went back to playing with the siblings with the toys in the office.  It's a plastic track kind of thing and some little people.

He tried to talk to her a little bit about why and she was not going to chat so  he asked Mom and Mom explained that she doesn't like to get a bath for one.  You know the usual stuff.

I am proud to report that Mr. Man only gained half a pound in 3 months and grew half an inch.  Our attempts to keep his weight in check are working.

Miss Fabulous had gained a pound and a half and had also grown half an inch.  The twins are still the same height.  Too funny.

That's all for now.

Q TIP

I am finding this post kind of swirly in my head but I'll try to be coherent.

When Mr. Man was in his wonderful pre school class there was a sign on the wall made out of cotton swabs that said Q TIP.  I asked what it meant and the teacher explained that it was their reminder to "quit taking it personal."

Clearly that's an easy thing to understand but over the years I have had a much harder time accepting that phrase.  I have learned the roll of the therapeutic parent and I think I do okay for someone that never had a back ground in psychology or social work.  But my Mommy heart still takes it hard when my kid screams that I'm not her real Mom or that she wants her real Mom.  Or when she is a raging ball of fury and I can't fix it. 

Quit Taking It Personal

But somewhere inside I wrestle with what haven't I done?  Where have I gone wrong that I can't get her to truly accept that I am her Mom and that we are her family forever.  And the realization that this is how she sees things is even more difficult to accept.  More difficult to Quit Taking It Personal.

Tonight Miss Fabulous had a major rage.  She was screaming all kinds of things at her father who was helping her and she started screaming, "Mommy doesn't love me.  I love her but Mommy doesn't love me, she hates me!"  She said it repeatedly.

Once she was calm we moved a head with bath and afterward while I was doing her hair I asked what made her think that Mommy didn't love her.

Quit Taking It Personal

See my mind and heart had heard that she thought that I don't love her.  That wasn't the case at all, she is very clear that I do love her and that "You think I am pretty and sweet and special."  She said, "B___ my real Mom hates me."  I hate that real Mom term but it is her term and how she sees things at this point in time and so I can respect that, I know what she means. 

She explained why she felt that way, very simple and to the point.  And I got it.  The realization that her problems have nothing to do with me actually sunk in to my heart and not just my mind.  Quit Taking It Personal because it has nothing to do with you, I got it.

The rages over hair and bath and being told no and whatever else are not about me, about us.  Whoever the punching bag might be.  I got it.

Now I just have to keep remember it.

More Pool Talk with the Loo Loo's

The summer is chugging along.  Overall things are going well.  Mr. Man is struggling a bit.  He is plucking Mom's last nerve for sure.

Miss Fabulous had been doing well through out the weekend, even with the extra day off.  Yesterday after camp and while the Behavior Therapist was here she did not want to get out of the pool for dinner.  She pitched a royal fit complete with banging on the sliding glass door and yelling and screaming.  My neighbors obviously just do not care, which works well for me.  This child is screaming "Mommy let me in" through an unlocked door which she had already been instructed to "come on inside when your ready". 

We did such a good job of going about our business that she OPENED the door to yell LET ME IN!  It was hard not to chuckle.  She had her towel and the patio was shady and it wasn't cold either so she was okay to take her time to come in.  If we had insisted that she come in she would have had a major rage in the house, where she was she was being perfectly safe and working it out of her system so we went with that.

She opened the door and said, "I am ready to come in now."  So we told her come on in and go get dressed for dinner.  She put her PJ's on and got into bed.  I went and checked on her and asked if she was tired and she said no that she just felt better being there.  Good choice!

She ate a double dinner and then went right out to sleep.

I think what might be behind the upset is the fact that she is not a good swimmer.  Her fear over takes her and she doesn't trust herself, even in the water she can stand in the feeling of her feet not being under her when she tries to swim frightens her and she stops trying.  It is okay with us.  We tell her to keep trying and good job and that she will get there but she is unhappy with herself and she is in a place where she realizes there is no one at fault other than herself, if one wanted to put it that way.  That in itself is huge.

Her little friends in camp are moving on to the deeper water because they are taking the test and passing it.  She is too afraid to try to take the test.  She is upset with herself about that and in addition her 4 year old brother who is the size of a 2 year old is swimming all on his own like a fish and everyone is really excited about it. 

It is one of those things that I think most kids go through.  Big Sis was 9 before she learned to ride a bike with no training wheels, and yes it looked ridiculous for this big ole' kid to be cocked over to one side because she had longgggggggggg out grown the training wheels.  Whatever eventually she wrestled with herself and learned to ride.  The pride and the since of accomplishment is huge when a person overcomes that kind of fear.  But no one can do it for that person and that's where Miss Fabulous is at.

Ah summertime...

The Pool of Trust

Lil Bro is all signed up for Pre-K which begins Aug. 9.  This school offers a schoolers camp which I like much better and after talking with the Hubs was prepared to move Miss Fabulous over to it.  The next day I went to sign her up, one day later mind you, and that morning a family with 3 schoolers had come in and taken the last 3 spots.  Bummer.

We are looking for a different camp program.  The things that we loved about the program have changed and so it is worth the change to move her somewhere else.

Big Sis is all signed up and enrolled for the virtual public school program which she will do at home starting Aug. 9.  We are excited about this change.

Mr. Man is struggling.  We messed with his meds and that was a mistake.  Re achieving stability does not come as easily as resuming the med regiment he was on previously.  Hopefully we will get there again.

Miss Fabulous has done well overall this weekend.  She got into hysterical hyper laughter which she could not get control of.  I was braced for the down side of that but it never came so that was good.

We have all been spending a lot of time in the pool together.  Lil Bro is now swimming with no floaty suit, he is awesome!  You can really see who a kid trust and who they don't in a pool.  You can also see the level of trust they have.  Lil Bro swims to Mom and Big Sis with no caution with total confidence that we are there to protect and help him.  It is simply a knowledge with in him.  I love it.

He will not swim to Miss Fabulous at all and he swims to Mr. Man with caution and thought.  Interesting.

Mr. Man will let me float him on his back and cuddle him up like a baby.  He sinks right in to me.  But his sensory issues mean we have to be very careful where we touch him, avoid the pits.

Miss Fabulous never fully trust anyone in the pool.  She may want to ride on a back with a "whale swim" but she is always in control in some way.  Always aware of the side, of where she would look to make herself feel safe.  As far as we have come in managing the behaviors we do not have her complete trust.  It's sad, I'm not sure that she can trust another person completely.  I hope that we are getting there little by little.