The Lunch

For the past two weeks we have noticed that Miss Fabulous has had chicken nuggets in her lunch box.  We did not pack nuggets and she did not have money to buy lunch.  When the nuggets appear we have noticed that the packed lunch is not eatten at all or very little.  We weren't sure what was going on here and wondered if she was swipping nuggets off other's trays.

This morning Mr. Man announced that he saw Miss with a lunch tray yesterday.  This discussion began because they get to buy lunch on Friday's.  Clearly he did not think she should get to buy lunch on Friday since he had seen her with a lunch tray on Thursday.  She said that she most certainly did not have a lunch tray that he must have seen her friend that looks just like her.  I can assure the jury that no such person exist.  Mr. Man rebutted that no it was clearly her and that she had even said hi to him.  At this point we directed the conversation else where because clearly the adults have more detective work to do in the case of the unauthorized lunch tray.

This stuff is not in the parent handbook, you know?

(This photo was from our camping trip last fall.)

Keep Moving Forward

I read this post and thought of my own beautiful boys.  This summer has gone really well overall, better than the summers have been in years.  Everyone is more stable than they have been in years.

The boys have become even more closely bonded.  They say things like "we're the brothers!"  I have been encouraging them how special their relationship is, not everyone gets a brother and it was important to Dad and I that they have each other.  Mr. Man has taken this information to heart and when the two are playing together says things like, "Are we 100% brothers or what!?"

The pool has been sick with yellow algae and so for the past few days they have not been able to get in and play.  Thankfully the pool should be back to swimable today or tomorrow.  In the mean time I have been letting the kids play with the hose on the patio.  They have used buckets sponges and soapy bubbles and it has been precious to watch.

Lil Bro has had fun watching the buckets fill with water and watching the ripples the running water makes in the bucket full of water.  Toy alligators have gone for a swim, sometimes in the dog dish which is yuck but we have lots of soap involved so it all works out.  It is awesome to watch his imagination at work and to know that he does not have the struggles that Miss Fabulous and Mr. Man have had to and continue to overcome.

Having a little brother that has such an imagination has been so beneficial to Mr. Man and his gains socially.  Brothers rock!

Miss Fabulous is doing well at the moment.  She feels real pride in applying herself and making improvement in her school work.  I hope that this will carry over into the school year when it begins in a few weeks.

Sometimes Miss makes some funny observations.  The way that she chooses to phrase things can be entertaining.  For instance we were browsing channels and there was an advertisement for a program with a cesarean section on TV.  Miss Fabulous looked at the TV and said, "Hey look they are letting that baby out of there."  The Hubs said to me quietly, "Yeah they are letting him out of the clink."  It was a hilariously precious moment with a healing kid just being a 7 year old kid and not being hyper vigilant and on guard but just living the moment.

Have you seen the movie The Robinson's?  Mr. Man loves that movie and when he first saw it he said, "That's just like me and you isn't it Mom?"  At that time he still struggled a lot socially and it was a surprising observation from him.  Tears came to my eyes and I will never forget it.

The message in the movie is "keep moving forward."  And that's just what we are doing.  Thank you all for joining us along the way.

Little Bits of Normal

I think it might be hard for anyone to really know what normal is anymore but as far as I can tell we had a bit of it around here this past weekend.  Hold on there let me back the train up and mention our minor derailing on Friday evening.

Miss Fabulous in all fairness had not had the best week.  I mean from her point of view with it kind of stunk it up bit.  You know with the whole summer school/ enrichment program's Mrs. Teacher expecting her to do work and all and then not letting her have recess with the other kids when she did not do said work.  And you know Mom called her out on several things this week, also in the no likey category.  So I pretty much knew we had it comin so to speak.

Friday night she got through pizza dinner with no problems, go figure.  However, when it came time to clean up the toys which meant get ready for bed which meant that we the parents would be discovering the fact that her pants were not clean which meant she would need to get a bath ... ah heck she just decided to blow her lid a big one.  I mean it was no holds bar going right for the violence and aggression.  Poor Dad was taken a back and it took him a minute or two to get with the program.  He tried to block and redirect her but she wasn't having it and she wasn't being safe.  He did a great job of keeping her safe and when it was all said and done she cleaned up the toys and got a bath.  Bummer, I would have preferred to skip the rage outburst and just get right to clean up and bath but it wasn't my call.

Oh yeah so where is the normal you ask?  After that she did pretty well for the rest of the weekend.

She played with the siblings.  She did not want to include Mr. Man and we do understand that the sisters like to have some play time with out boys so we set a time when it would be Mr. Man's turn to join the "play date".  Funny thing was she was all done playing when it was his turn to join.  Mom directed the crew (the 3 oldest kids) to go ahead and enjoy their play date.  Mr. Man wanted to play with his beanie babies and Big Sis was okay with that so they moved forward.  3 2 1 "Mommmmmmmmmmmmmm Miss Fabulous is being mean and has a bad attitude and isn't playing nice."  Enter Miss Fabulous crying hysterically that Big Sis was tattling on her.  Mom asked if what Big Sis said was true?  To which Miss answered YES!!!  I said then Big Sis was not tattling and that she could return to the play date or she could have a tantrum and then return to the play date.  Banshee screams and door kicks and two minutes later she went back into the room and played beanie baby mania for all of 5 minutes and then Mr. Man was all done with the play date too.

Our current focus is to help Miss Fabulous finish things and follow through.  Sometimes we have to play with a sibling for a few minutes just to be nice people and that's life.  And ... tantrums won't get her out of what she needs to do.  Darn!  Going up sure can be full of a lot of things you don't want to do.  And that's one to grow on.

This weekend included:

1.  a trip to the mall where no one fell apart before during or after the outing.  Good stuff! 
2. A day trip to a Florida Spring which included swimming in water that was 72 degrees (sounds warmer than it is),
3. packing our own back packs for what we would need for the day (we are all becoming independent little people),
4. car trip, dinner out, changing clothes in a public restroom, piling in and out of the van multiple times,
5. loads of inquiring looks containing questions such as "are these people all together?" "is this a his hers and theirs situation and if so where is the Latino DNA giver?" "is one of those kids Asian too?" and last but not least "did that kid just try to pee in the grass over there?"

Yes it was a fun filled action packed weekend!  As far as the peeing in the grass goes um well you see we have a pool and Lil Bro sometimes has to go pee while swimming and we don't want him to pee in the pool for goodness sakes so we have um well kind of said that yeah he could pee in the grass since we have a privacy fence and all.  Probably not the best idea but ... anyway so when Lil Bro was swimming in the spring and I said "do you have to go potty" and he nodded yes and I turned to make sure that another adult knew to watch the other kids while I took him potty.  Why yes I did turn around to see my 4 year old's swim suit half way down and he was preparing to pee in the grass and yes an on looker nearly hurt herself laughing her behind off. 

What can I say?  We keep it interesting!

The Pool of Trust

Lil Bro is all signed up for Pre-K which begins Aug. 9.  This school offers a schoolers camp which I like much better and after talking with the Hubs was prepared to move Miss Fabulous over to it.  The next day I went to sign her up, one day later mind you, and that morning a family with 3 schoolers had come in and taken the last 3 spots.  Bummer.

We are looking for a different camp program.  The things that we loved about the program have changed and so it is worth the change to move her somewhere else.

Big Sis is all signed up and enrolled for the virtual public school program which she will do at home starting Aug. 9.  We are excited about this change.

Mr. Man is struggling.  We messed with his meds and that was a mistake.  Re achieving stability does not come as easily as resuming the med regiment he was on previously.  Hopefully we will get there again.

Miss Fabulous has done well overall this weekend.  She got into hysterical hyper laughter which she could not get control of.  I was braced for the down side of that but it never came so that was good.

We have all been spending a lot of time in the pool together.  Lil Bro is now swimming with no floaty suit, he is awesome!  You can really see who a kid trust and who they don't in a pool.  You can also see the level of trust they have.  Lil Bro swims to Mom and Big Sis with no caution with total confidence that we are there to protect and help him.  It is simply a knowledge with in him.  I love it.

He will not swim to Miss Fabulous at all and he swims to Mr. Man with caution and thought.  Interesting.

Mr. Man will let me float him on his back and cuddle him up like a baby.  He sinks right in to me.  But his sensory issues mean we have to be very careful where we touch him, avoid the pits.

Miss Fabulous never fully trust anyone in the pool.  She may want to ride on a back with a "whale swim" but she is always in control in some way.  Always aware of the side, of where she would look to make herself feel safe.  As far as we have come in managing the behaviors we do not have her complete trust.  It's sad, I'm not sure that she can trust another person completely.  I hope that we are getting there little by little.

This Morning They Made Hot Cocoa

Can we make hot cocoa?

Sure it's only 91 degrees already, go for it.

Big Sis can you help me?

 Yes, let me do it.

Gathering of a box of cocoa involved lots of instruction and bossiness and a stool.

What's a serving size mean?

It means that you only need 1 packet of cocoa that you absolutely should not use 2 packs of cocoa to make your one self a serving that's what it means.  You only need one.

Oh.

Gross!  Don't taste the dry powder!

Oh.  Why?

Because you need to wait for the water first before you taste it that's why.

Oh.

My finger hurts.

You aren't supposed to touch the hot water, duh.  Get a piece of ice for it.

Oh.

Keep the ice on it because if you don't it will hurt a lot worse later, trust me I know.

Oh.

Two minutes later they strolled out of the kitchen with their mugs in hand as if they were 22 years old.

BTW his finger is fine, no children were truly harmed in the making of this post. :0)

On being fair...

Life tends not to be, I've noticed.



In our brood of 4 we have 2 typical and 2 not as typical kids. The typical kids need to do typical things like have friends sleep over. Show of hands, who's eyes are rolling with me right now? I try to dodge that bullet as often as I can truthfully. But then there comes a time when it is time to man up Mom up and just do the right thing by my kids. I have lost complete control over the eye rolls and sighs at this point.

Today for lunch I served one kid a grilled bread sandwich. The kid was like, "Um Mom, um can I have some cheese on my grilled cheese sandwich?" Hello that is stressed out! I was like, "Oh so you actually wanted cheese on the grilled cheese sandwich? Oh, no problem. Coming right up." You know when a person slip trips and tries to act as if that did not just happen. It was somewhat like that. lol!


The kids played from 9:30 to 1:30 in the pool today. They had a quick lunch break and that was it. It is 7:25 pm and the 4 year old has not had a nap and is going strong. What's up with that? He should be ready to collapse.

This friend that was over is one of those situations where the kids get along really well but the parenting stiles are totally different. For example that Mom delivered her kid and my kid to me at nearly 7 pm and they had not been fed. I don't feel comfortable sending someone there own kid back at 7 pm and not have fed the kid. Maybe that's just me.

It is really kind of willy nilly over there and we can't and don't do things that way over here. Funny thing is, the kids want to be over here. Maybe it's the food. Or ... kids need structure to feel their best.

While the friend was over we had struggles with Mr. and Miss. Fabulous as they both are that is a given. Mr. is head first into the it'snotfairs and theyareleavingmeout I wantstoplaytoos while Miss starts out hanging back quiet and shy with near perfect behavior. If that lasted we would have a friend over every single day. I'd have them lined up around the block. It doesn't last and the down side is no fun.

So Miss had a rage in the pool. She never assaulted anyone which is awesome but verbally it was a rage. The banshee screams which non of our neighbors seem to care about where in full force. Big Sis says to the friend, "At this point she is attention seeking so what we need to do is just ignore until she gets her behavior under control." :-0 Okay there therapeutic sister, you rock!

As soon as Miss got herself under control Big Sis went and gave her love and a hug and she then rejoined the game. It was awesome!

We had another whale of a tale later on to the tune of "Mommy never comes back!" A bit delayed from last weeks travels (I am guessing) but we have made a point to keep Miss very distracted and busy this week. Maybe it helped, who can know.

In other news I have been meaning to mention that we did finally get approval for Miss M's testing. Yes I did say approval. Mr. CBA gave me the low down. They were concerned that Miss would attack the clinician during testing "given her history."

Honestly that was a bit surprising. Number one this university has a center dedicated to autism and in fact the autism center is where the psychology department is. Are they telling me they never get attacked over there? I doubt that.
But secondly Miss is stable and has been for months and I made that very clear. She hasn't even attacked the CBA in months. We already presented record of testing that we had done in Dec. and no one was attacked during that.

But most importantly she is 53 pounds and 7 years old and I wouldn't let her attend the testing packin' weapons, come on we that are not uncouth!

The whole thing made me laugh. This traumatized kid was very clearly just that, a traumatized kid. She refused toys and things to color with. She stayed close to me and chewed her fingers or picked her skin or fidgeted with her clothes. She clearly wanted to leave and she looked about as dangerous as a whipped puppy. But I guess once you attack social workers and finish the job by peeing on their floor and assault psychologist in your own home to the point they want to admit you to a psych hospital and your psychiatrist has a big fat file on what's up with you, and and and I guess any clinician in their right mind would have to consider that this kid that definitely seems to have some learning issues might possibly feel threatened during a testing session.

This is getting a little ramblingon at this point but ... I never knew that my parenting experience would be like this. I had visited this child every 6 to 8 weeks during a sixth month period before she was our daughter and came home to us and I thought I really and truly thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I had no clue.

I did not want to be a therapeutic parent. I would not have checked that box on an application to adopt. And yet here I am, doing what I can do and hoping it is enough to get us through.

Forward Movement

Things are somewhat improved here in the loo loo house. Miss is doing better. Is her bipolar taking on more of a mature cycle where we will see these dips every few months instead of every few weeks? Just RAD stuff rearing it's ugly head? Time and tracking will tell I guess.


We had become sloppy to non existent with the tracking because Miss was doing so well, rage seemed a thing of the past. But we need to get with the program around here and track all this interesting stuff.

I feel at least in part that Miss is unhappy with Mr.'s earning program. I am now emphasizing her earning of computer time with good behavior. It is difficult when a family has not only more than one child but more than one child with behavior issues and those issues require different motivators to improve. Mr. is very dependant on his schedule. That kind of program does not work for Miss but feeling that he is getting something that she isn't or more attention is ruffling her feathers, I think.

For a while Mr. was having big time behavior problems and Miss was doing excellent. Mr. improves and Miss starts going down the tubs. Coincidence? Maybe but I don't think so.

At any rate the weekend has gone pretty well. Dad took Miss and Big Sis on some trails yesterday and they had a grand adventure. Overall she did well. She was afraid of a look out tower they went to explore and did not want to listen and ended up taking off but other than that they made out well. She did not go far with the "taking off" thing. Dad helped her through it.

At the moment we are watching Ki Lan which is an awesome show. The social emotional skills it teaches are on a pre-school level and Miss can understand them and they are being presented in a fun way. Score!

Muddy Thinking

(Note:  this post began this afternoon but as is typical ended later this evening.  My children are not playing outside at 9:30pm.)

My kids are currently digging in the dirt outside. A BIG part me feels like gross, yuck, nasty, and I don't want to have to clean that mess ... but I know that it is a wonderful creative outlet and good for their brains so I suck it up and don't say a thing. There is probably not enough spray n wash on the planet to get those stains out but we will do what we can.

Mr. has been MUCH improved. Thank you magic med and the Japanese scientist who made you! His brain has settled down and he is currently able to deal with frustration and disappointment with out a total melt down. His personal connection with family members is better too.

Miss M has been testing some of her old ways lately. It isn't getting her anywhere and I am kind of riding it out and hoping she gets the train back on the tracks as one Mom puts it. We have not had any more rage but lots of other RADish behavior. She has with drawn some and isn't being as genuine with her hugs. I just say, "Oh wait a minute sister that was a hug from way back, how about a real hug?" She kind of giggles and then does give a real hug.

She is continuing to answer when I ask her about "the big feelings" that were behind a behavior. It isn't the major struggle that it was long ago. I have heard other more experienced Mom's talk about their children with RAD having a hard time letting those old behaviors go and actually missing them. I have heard still other Mom's talk about their children being guilty over something and that brings forth some old behaviors.

On that note we have a missing pair of glasses. These darn glasses! She wanted the glasses and then she got the glasses and did not want to wear them? Glasses she picked out and she wanted? For a while she was "forgetting" them at school. Her teacher asked me about the glasses and how often did she need to wear them. I said, "According to the eye doctor she needs them all the time, she is near sighted." So Mrs. teacher decided that she would have Miss M start wearing them in class. Now ain't that a hoot that them there glasses disappeared directly after that? Huh?

Miss M came up with a unsolicited (we did not ask about the glasses) story about how one student said another student in her class took the glasses and had them. Seemed fishy at best. I e-mailed Mrs. Teacher with the story and asked if she could look around for the glasses. Mrs. Teacher e-mailed me that no one had the glasses and that she would have all students clean out their desk in an attempt to find the glasses. I am guessing that someone was not real pleased with that whole situation, and maybe feeling a little guilty about having "lost" the glasses.

Miss M announced to me that, "I guess you will have to get me some new glasses." Me - "No sweetie, the insurance won't pay for another pair of glasses so soon and Daddy and I won't pay for new ones because you did not wear the ones you had." Miss M - "Oh."

Any who ... we keep on keeping on and wait for what's next.

Day 3 on the RAD planet W.O.D. (without Dad)

I thought that was a pretty catchy title I came up with, just sayin.

Sooooooooooo the little people around here are not too happy that Dad is not here.  He is a major player in this craziness and the apple cart is upset without him.  Lil Bro is doing okay and seems kind of out of sight out of mind at that moment but Mr. C is still in butt mode (as in being one) and Big Sis is all emotional on me and missing Daddy. 

In regards to Miss M I have to admit that we are kind of fudging the situation a little.  It is possible that we have promoted the idea that Dad is near by.  I mean really how far is Hawaii if you're 6 and have comprehension issues?  Not that far.  We have talked on the phone to Dad so he must be pretty near by, right?  That's a logical conclusion when you are 6, right?

It just seems that Dad has become the stabilizing affect (in part) for Miss M.  She seems more at ease when he is here, more secure.  I don't really know the 'why' of it and frankly I. Do. Not. Care.  I am just thankful that we have some stabilization!

For dinner tonight we had left over pasta and meat sauce, sweet potato and green beans so we were back on track with nutrition.  The boys wanted to PB and J on whole wheat/whole grain bread with applesauce and green beans so I was okay with that.  My alternate choice if you don't want the dinner is PB and J.

On a school note there is this link about comprehension on Miss M's "inclusion" teacher's web site.  I though it was really good.  It so describes Miss M's comprehension problem.  She catches bits and pieces or parts of what is said to her but does not form a complete picture.  Sometimes she catches enough bits and or pieces to get by with the picture of comprehension.  Other times she is completely lost.  The same thing is happening as she is learning to read. 

At any rate Mrs. Teacher has caught on that we are parents that care and want to help our child succeed.  She sent a note home on some work today where she had helped Miss M re-work incorrect math problems. 

These first two are just wrong, not sure of the process used.  Just rushing?  Not paying attention to what she was doing?  Don't know.
10-2= she put 3
6-3= she put 7

The next 5 she got correct.
9-2= 7
11-3=8
12-3=9
10-3=7 (she had put 8 but corrected that on her own)
8-1=7

The last 7 were wrong.
9-3= she put 12
6-1= she put 7
8-2= she put 10
11-2= she put 12
9-1= she put 10
7-3= she put 10
8-3= she put 11

So I can see where she flipped into adding the problems but how come those 5 problems in the middle went well and they seem slightly more difficult to me?  Is this consistent with comprehension problems?  Attention problems?

Mrs. Teacher's note read, "I helped Miss M with the ones she missed.  She says she understands now."

Miss M got 6 out of the 11 spelling words on the spelling test that we worked on ALL week.
wip (whip)
liglin (light)
wond (world)
again
chop
catch
yuor (erased that) youor (your)
again
wale (whale)
chin
match
She had again on there twice so I don't know if she omitted another word and the teacher did not catch it or what happened there.  There were 11 words this week and she has 11 words on her paper with the again in there twice.  At any rate a 55% on the spelling test is not helping her out any.

The report from Mr. Hawaii is that the surf is the biggest it has been since the 50's.  He ran across some professional surfer (who's name a forget) from Australia and they took a picture together.  He misses us all tons and his sleep schedule is all out of whack because of the time change.  Mahalo!

Brotherly Love

I am not sure what The American Academy of Pediatrics has listed as the average attention span of a 3-year-old but I did not think it was playing school with your 10-year-old sister for an hour and a half.

Okay so eventually he began entertaining himself with a fishing rod and the train station while his sister carried on with her reading fest, but still an hour and a half playing school.  I was impressed.

Something else I have noticed is that the boys seem to stick together like magnets.

We really do own more than one chair.  But it is so precious to see how they gravitate together.  It's mainly Lil Bro doing the gravitating but Mr. C seems to enjoy it so that is positive.

Lil Bro ask to "go get kids" repeatedly during the day.  He is ready to pick them up from school at about 9am, they have been gone for an hour at that point.  I noticed to that at the park and play areas they gravitate together.  Even if they are playing with another child they seem to momentarily check in with each other every few minutes.

Of course these are the moments when they are not beating the snot out of each other using hands for hurting.  *ahem*

I went to snap a shot of them doing something else and before the shutter clicked on the camera it turned into get your hands off the stroller.  I believe Lil Bro was pushing the stroller and Mr. C had another idea for whatever reason.  Ahhh ... siblings.

Ride On

This picture of the two big kids was a labor of love.  They looked so cute from picture day at school but Mr. C did not want to have his picture taken.  Still it is cute I think.

Here is some bike riding pictures.

We rode down to the circle and went round and round.

This is me and Lil Bro and our self-portrait.

Mr. C was finally willing to pose for me.

Lil Bro was reading to get running!

Here he goes!

Miss M fell asleep with her huggable hound - the class pet.

When they are all tucked in with their snuggly little lovey it is hard to imagine all they can accomplish when they are awake!  I'll relate more on that later.

The Award Goes To!

See the pink hair dooy

that's Miss M watching Mr. C getting his award for

Academic Excellence.

Mr. C standing next to his little friend from class and

the big guy next to them is Mr. C's bestest friend.

Here is Miss M in the pink shirt, again dead center.

Mr. C is in the green shirt with his back to the camera.

She patted his back when he went by to say good job!

Now that's progress!  She didn't trip him or anything.

Here is Miss M with her teacher and class as they left the awards.

She did not get an award this day but she seemed okay with it.

Here is Big Sis after receiving her award for Reading

Something or other.  Can't remember but it was to recognize

her ability in reading.

Since I am posting about school days, check out these cute photos

from pick up Wednesday afternoon.

You can be assured that is a healthy smoothie in that cut.

With Spinach! Yeah that's it, spinach.

Not a McDonald's chocolate shake.

Best joke he ever heard.

Let me kiss that boo boo on your chin from the sliding board

accident you had today.

Here Big Sis finally joins us.  What a sweet face!

So yesterday I took the kids on a bike ride to the park.

1 mile each way.

Have you seen a person with Asperger's on a bike?

Well, it is a challenge for sure.

Throw in tight heal cords from mild CP and ...

I will leave it at challenge.

But the up side to that is kids who biked for 2 miles and

played at the park for an hour with friends

are way tired at bedtime.

These two were snuggled together and out before I even

came in the room for their routine.

Snaps!

We had a cold snap here in FL this past weekend.  Monday was still a little chilly but things are coming back to normal [temperature wise] for the rest of the week.  But this picture of Big Sis is so darn cute.  She over reacted just a tad with the cold snap!

Apparently she thought our house was going to convert into an igloo.

Little Bro on the other hand does not want to wear long pants or long sleeves or that stinking coat! He will however be happy to be seen sporting this attractive winter hat which he so lovingly refers to as, "Hey dat my hat. Gimee dat my hat."

Monday morning I had to return the Rug Doctor that we rented Sunday to wash the carpets with. All of the bedrooms have carpet and they take a beating for sure. Anyway it was cold, cause we still be snappin as of Monday, yo. Mr. Man was NOT going to put on the appropriate clothing and I was on a deadline. I had to have the darn machine back by 9 am or we paid for another day. I had not scheduled a toddler meltdown nor had I allotted the proper amount of time for said meltdown.



And since we have an abundance of Grandmother types roaming the streets shopping at Publix, where I had to return said Rug Doctor I knew that if I showed up with this tiny little 3-year-old wearing shorts and a T-shirt with this lovely winter hat then I was with out a doubt going to catch some flack. So what to do? No time for the toddler take down where I wrestle winter clothes on to him and he rips them off proclaiming Noooooooooo with all the passion of Mel Gibson’s battle scene in Braveheart. At which time I am even further out of time AND I now have a toddler wearing Nada.


I did the only logical thing.  I carried the long sleeves and long pants that he was supposed to be wearing in my hand at all times like a GET BACK GRANDMA force field.  So I load up this Rug Doctor into the back of my Mom mobile while loading Lil Bro into the Mom mobile and I am buckling his car seat and he says to me.  Are you ready?  You know it's coming.  He says, "It cold out here Mom!"  You bet buddy, let's roll!

Myself and Lil Bro lug the Rug Doctor into Publix and make it to the return counter with no bullying Grandma interventions hang ups.  Check in is a breeze.  We head out of the store.  ALERT!  Grandmother straight ahead.  She gives me the look and starts to approach when she looks down at the CLOTHES IN MY HAND and says to herself, "Oh, okay."  My force field totally worked!

Apparently when it's cold outside we all get alittle more cuddly too.  Are they cute or what?

Here's the thing

It's midnight and I should be off to bed already but my head is full of random thoughts so I am going to put them here.

Tonight I was helping Miss M with her homework and we were working on some math. She gets these hang ups on things. We think she had it, but she didn't. Or didn't fully have it. Or didn't put all the pieces with it that went. For instance she is constantly getting math problems wrong that have 0 in them. Weeks ago they taught what zero meant. She wrote that it meant "you don't have one." And indicated Mom. Anyway, I was explaining that anything plus zero is the same as adding nothing to what you already have. I used pennies as a visual. She looked at me with this ah-ha moment and said "oh." "I thought I knew it but I didn't knew it." In Miss M speak that seemed to mean that she had it now. She did the rest of the 0 problems correctly.

She can't make a figure 8. She will do it sideways and then she knows that's wrong. I showed her to do two 0's on top of each other and there you go. Not the proper way but it works. She was getting frustrated and I thought let's just skip this upset shall we. So she does it that way most of the time and from time to time seems to want to master the whole figure 8 thing but by master it I mean she just wants it to go her way and to not have to work for it and when it doesn't go that way she wants to get mad or move on. Personally I prefer the moving on option and so encourage the "snowman" figure 8.

These darn glasses! I knew they would be an issue and they are. Constantly disappearing. Wears them here and there and doesn't want to wear them here or there. I just make it a "your choice" issue. Being that she was going through life just fine without glasses and it was a total shock all the way around that she needed glasses I say whatever ya want babe. It isn't like Mr. C and the eye crossing stuff and he has to wear the glasses. So there.

Miss M revealed that she flicks people at school "but not at home cause that's not okay, right?" Oh, you flick people at school huh? "Yeah like I flick Joshua and he tells me to shut up and I told Mrs. Teacher that he said that to me and Joshua got his bone (behavior chart hound dog thing) move 3 places!" Oh yeah, huh?

She seemed pretty proud of herself that she told on Joshua.

One thing that is becoming more clear lately is that Miss M does not understand that her actions prior to the kid telling her to shut up are a part of the problem. Does not get it. At home she has started back with some of her bullying behavior toward Big Sis. The same kind of stuff that she is pulling at school, and not getting caught at. So Big Sis has said no thank you to playing with Miss M when Miss M asks. Miss M was really upset about it this weekend and said with Oscar winning performance "I thought Big Sis was my friend but I guess she's not!" And then the boo-hoos came rolling. I talked with Miss M and asked her if she had played nice the last time she played with Big Sis. She did the shoulder shrug I don't want to answer thing. I brought up some of the occurrences and she agreed that is what had happened. I asked was that nice behavior? Good choices? She answered correctly because she has the dialog down pat but it isn't really her answer which is the sad part. She seems to play the roll, good or bad but never understands. She went right back expressing how she felt wronged by Big Sis who didn't want to play with her. I asked her if she was upset that she had made bad choices and those choices were the reason that Big Sis did not want to play or was she just mad that Big Sis didn't want to play. She said she was just mad that Big Sis didn't want to play.

Lord we have been teaching these lessons in so many different ways for this child since she was 2 and a half. Is is ever going to click?

It's the same with the bullying behavior at school. She does not connect, accept whatever the part where she did wrong in the first place and that lead the other child to do what they did. I hope that we are going in the right direction for her to one day get it.

(art work by Robert David Bretz)

Growing Up

Okay so update on the whole sleep in your bed plan: Well we are better off than we were a week ago so that equals progress, right?

Lil Bro is going to sleep in his bed each night and I am sitting with him until he falls asleep. Then he is staying put most of the night. The two brothers come creeping in our bed about 3am or so which is better than Lil Bro coming out of his room before I had even gone to bed.

Apparently this new found space in our bed clued Daisy the Pit Bull in that she should come and join us so that we do not feel lonely. So there is still 50 pounds of extra person in our bed most nights.

Miss M is doing better. This evening in fact was down right pleasant. She worked with me on her homework with out any real trials and tribulation. Dinner, bath, snack, and bed went along just fine. She was fast asleep in no time.

Today the 1st graders went to see Cloudy with a chance of meat balls. Miss M enjoyed that tons and probably helped with her happy attitude this evening. Mr. C stayed home today because he does not like to go to the movies. The dark, the noise, the crowd and the 3D stuff all bother him greatly so he declined to go. So I had both my boys home all day. It was really nice. Mr. C is well regulated and just a lovely little guy to have around these days. Lil Bro is completely Denise the Menace naughty but C.U.T.E. cute as a button!

He and I are both sick with a cold virus. I took him to the pediatrician yesterday. Another kid took Lamby! in the waiting room. Lil Bro handled it really well. He did not slug the kid but instead came to Mom and said with great distress he take-ah my Lamby! You git it! So I said to the offender hey buddy that's his Lamby can you give it back please? To which the offender threw Lamby at Lil Bro's head. To which Lil Bro said thanks! And went about his business so I figured we were all good at that point.

Big Sis is a bit crabby these days. She has been getting to bed a tad too late the past few nights for a variety of reasons and when she is lacking in sleep she is a bit crabby. I do not know who she gets that from. ahem.

This afternoon she was biting Mr. C's head off about everything and nothing. She stormed off to her room once we got through the front door. I followed behind and asked if everything was okay at school. To which I was answered yes that it was just Mr. C who was making her miserable. With Big Sis she is a really good kid and when she starts having not so nice kid behavior she responds really well to a big hug from Mom and a talk it out session. She has always been the great communicator which is such a blessing when you are trying to parent someone. Even as little as 3 years old she would say to me I need some Mommy time! And she did. She needed one on one time with Mom to reconnect and to feel all snugly safe again and then she was ready to go back to facing the world with both barrels blazin.

In our talk I explained to her that she is growing up and her interest are starting to change and that is all normal and great but her 6 year old brother and sister don't know what to make of it and it is kind of rocking their boat a bit and when that happens they both act up. I asked her to find a little time for Mr. C later in the afternoon to give him some positive attention because that was what he was looking for from her and he wasn't going about it the right way. I told her to take some time and work on a crafty type project that calms her mind first. She made paper coats and stuff for her toy ponies and dogs. It was so cute. After that she and Mr. C and Lil Bro all played Sponge Bob in the boys room. I listened in on the baby monitor and it was hilarious. They were cracking themselves up.

All in all, a good day!

Getting Dressed

All is going fairly well here in looloo land at the moment. Mr. C is making good choices a lot more. He had another freak out yesterday when something on the Mario Cart Wii game scared him. He starts seeing things that aren't there and feeling things that aren't on him, swatting and flapping and he just becomes a wreck. Big Sis is the one that is best able to calm him. She will go and cuddle him on his bed and he is able to simmer down.

He had a couple of emotional upsets yesterday and was able to take himself to his room with out being directed. He cried rather than getting angry and was able to be comforted.

Miss M had an "I'm not getting dressed" day. Dad was able to handle it well and reminded her that if she needed help to ask and if she took too long than he would have to take her to school. She was able to get it together with in a few minutes. Dad helped her dress and life moved on. She got out the door with the other kids and off to school.

Big Sis is doing great. Daisy the dog sleeps in Big Sis's bed and Big Sis feels safe and sleeps well. In turn the mornings are going well.

Lil Bro is all about being 3. He is doing great during the day when it is just he and I and he has no one messing with his agenda or stuff. He tends to be a pest to the big kids once they come home, especially Mr. C. We have had Lil Bro and Big Sis doing bath time together for the past 2 nights and that is going well. Two birds, one stone don't ya know.

We have been walking Daisy in the evening when it is gets cooler. Last night Big Sis and Lil Bro went with me. Big Sis pushed Lil Bro in the jogger and we all had a good long walk. Everyone slept well including Daisy.

My G I weekend

Well Thursday I went in for an upper GI Endoscope procedure. I have had dsyphasia or swallowing difficulty for a while and it was time to get it checked out. Other test had not revealed the problem. My doctor dilated or stretched my esophagus as well as busted a ring of tissue that was present call a esophageal ring. Doesn't that sound like fun? It wasn't.

I had an abnormal bout of pain following the procedure and so they sent me to the hospital for test to see if they had punctured my esophagus. They had not. So they sent me home with Tylenol. Does that work for anyone? Not me.

I called saying the pain was not better. Then I called to say the pain was getting worse. The doctor sent me to the hospital ER at that point. They gave me morphine via an I V (no swallowing). Thank you much. The doctor decided to admit me to observe me and manage my pain with the I V meds. I was all for that! I was able to go home Friday at dinner time.

I also developed a migraine type head ache from my fibro myalgia because of the bed I was in. That was lovely.

So as you can imagine my absence did not go over well here with the children. Lots of acting out. By Saturday Miss M decided to mega rage. 2 back to back in fact. My 10 year old looked at me and said, "well welcome home Mom." Out of the mouth of babes.

Little Bro was non to happy with Mom's unexpected disappearance. He pretty much gave Dad and Nan a fit. When Mom came home he had lots of hugs and kisses and announced "happy"! Now that was priceless.

Mr. Carter has been more articulate with his disapproval, "I have not seen you in 2 days."

Big Sis hit her head at the park Friday and had a tearful meltdown and needed to see Mom just for a minute at the hospital. That recharged her and she did okay.

All and all it was an eventful weekend and not one I care to repeat.

Wednesday 10-29-08

The morning went okay and they all got to school on time. M woke up grumpy and demanding but Nan directed her back to bed to "warm up" since we are having a cold snap here in FL. She agreed to that and when she did get up for good she was in a better and less demanding frame of mind. V and C are always slow in the morning and some what grumpy but they got dressed and did okay.

M was very touchy this afternoon and at about 3:30 she started jumping off the furniture with the hysterical wild laugh. That is my Q to do something to redirect. I said "Okay we are heading outside. Come on guys!" She ran and chased and fought and cried but never raged. C went bad though with total defiance.

I commented to Dad that it is interesting that M seems to relax when someone else is acting up. Her therapist had explained something to me a while back. She said that kids from these kinds of backgrounds sometimes are most comfortable when "things are stirred up." She said it has to do with their brain becoming used to stress hormones and when the stress hormones are not present that feels abnormal to them. Very odd.

M's psychiatrist made a med change as of today. She is now on 2 anti psychotic meds, a older 1st generation and a new 4th generation. The Social Worker who's office M pee'd in yesterday called me twice today. He is pressuring the other agency for funding approval for the behavioral analyst. He said if he can't get an answer from them by Friday he will approach his supervisor and ask for the funding from their agency itself because of the "urgent need." So it seems M did herself a favor by blowing lose there with Mr. Peter. Way to go! We are finally on our way to needed services.

You're gonna miss this ...

You’re gonna miss this - You’re gonna want this back - You’re gonna wish these days
hadn’t gone by so fast - These are some good times - So take a good look around
You may not know it now - But you’re gonna miss this ...

It is obvious from reading these blog post that we live in a on going state of crisis at this time. We don't intend for this to be a permanent state of affairs but for the time being we get through it as best we can.

I was thinking about the things that are so precious to me in life, even with all this going on. My little E is the sweetest child ever and he has a heart of gold. As I'm writing this his 2 year old little self is fast asleep next to me in my bed because he refuses to sleep in his own bed for any length of time. One day he is going to be my last kid leaving home and I know the moments like these are going to be my treasures. I'm gonna miss it.

Even with all M's rage and challenges she has these moments where she says the funniest stuff and is so precious dressed from head to toe in pink with little pig tails. I'm gonna want this back.

C and his glasses that sit on his tiny nose. The way he says "excuse me" a million times in any given day. The one of a kind classic kid notes he writes me. I'm gonna wish this hadn't gone by so fast.

V who is already leaving the younger years behind and exploring new freedoms of Independence. These are some good times.

When V turned 1 year old, way back when, I can remember Dad saying to me "it has just gone by in a blink. 18 blinks and it's over!" Most days their bedtime can not come fast enough for me. But I know when reflecting on the over all picture, our little set of Kindergartners and our ever exploring toddler and lest we forget our big girl tween ... it for sure does go by in a blink.

Friday 10-24-08

Thursday cont. - Yikes! M had some definite struggles. V has chorus on Thursday afternoon so I take the other children to the park when the weather permits. Lately it has been so nice here, not to hot. M and C kept getting into disputes at the park. Their friend Sophia was there with her Grandparents so it was a nice little group. When it was time to leave they headed on to the car with no troubles but arriving at the car there were words over the water bottle and M's mood swung low at that point. She was irritated and not looking to make a come back. Bananas were smooshed, brothers hit, refusal to get in the car seat let alone put on the seat belt.

I had no time to indulge the tantrum as I had to get going to pick up V. So I closed the van door and made the appearance that I was going to drive off with M not in her seat. She started yelling "you can't do that I won't be safe!" I said "you are right so you best get in that seat and put the buckle on." She did and so I pulled back over to help her get the seat belt done. At which point she pimp slapped me.

By the time we arrived home 15 minutes later she was ready to rumble. She was just mentally not in a good place and so C being the quirky little guy that he is obliged her and pushed her buttons at which point she blew! I escorted the other 3 out to the backyard and locked them out of the house for safety sake. We have a burglar lock at the top of the sliding glass door which the kids can not reach. Prevents C from wondering but in these cases it also works to keep all in safe areas. M hit C really hard on the back before I could get them all separated. I called a friend who lives less than 5 minutes away to come for back up. She was very supportive. I also dispatched Nan to leave work, which she did.

That rage lasted an hour. But #2 quickly followed. She took her meds between the rages and so by the end of the second rage her med was kicking in and starting to help her. Nan was able to give her a quick bath and we put a movie on in her room and fed her dinner while she watched the movie. Despite all that she slept well last night.

Friday - M did okay this morning. C had a hard time getting it going but once he did he did great. V did okay too.

At 11:15 M had an appointment with her Psychiatrist. Nan and Dad were present too as was E but he was asleep so I guess that doesn't count. M refused to talk to doctor and she had told me on the way there that she was not going to, she never does. I told her that was fine, that she does not have to talk to him but that he is there to help her feel better.

So when we got there and he tried to talk to her she looked at me and gave me the "fix it" look. I just mentioned to him that she had explained in the car that she did not want to talk to him. He asked her if she wanted everyone else to leave so she could talk with him by herself. She said "NO!" He knew the answer but I think needs to put it in the notes that he gave her the opportunity.

Obviously the talking is more for the adults and today's session was so helpful to me. I have really been praying a lot lately for clarity. Every professional we have consulted with has said that we are not the cause of M's problems. I know that we don't mistreat her and so obviously how could we be the cause but the fact that she expressed this anger specifically at us and does pretty well everywhere else makes it hard to accept that we aren't the problem.

The explanation that the doctor gave was "you are the target of M's aggression not the cause. you are the target because she feels comfortable and safe with you so you are who she unleashes on. she knows you are going to love her anyway." Today it just really sunk in for some reason, I got the point.

He went on to explain that we did not get M until she was 2 and a half and that the first 2 years are so important in a child's development. They are learning to trust and so many fundamental things for being able to function as a person. He said that clearly M did not get that fundamental development and what we are experiencing are the "gaps".

We are still working on getting the behavioral analyst in the home to help us but it is so slow going. M is on a waiting list and they are "over run with cases". Whoopee! I wish I had the money available to just pay for what we need, but I don't. I have already been told (after they here what med she is on and what meds have not worked) "with a case like this she is going to need a maximum number of in home behavioral hours, aka not cheap.

I just need to keep reminding myself that we will get there, one day at a time.