Update

Oh, do I dare to post?  Things are going really well here in Loo-Loo Land. 

Of course as I am writing this Miss M is probably morphing into her past self.  Kidding.  She has really started to respond to intervention at this point.  She is 9 now and so I am sure maturing is a factor  too.  If you have not read the previous post you may want to.  Those interventions and etc. are the ones I am referring to.

All of the kids are doing well.  I am now officially the mother of a teenager and that is going in a pretty typical way.  The worst thing we are dealing with struggles to respect limits on Internet time, so yeah I'm grateful!  Big Sis fell over the pig that she was moving out of the chicken coop, I told y'all we moved to the country.  In reality she twisted her leg first and then fell down.  She grew 3 inches in recent months and that probably put a strain on her tendons and ligaments.  Her patella slipped to the right and tore her tendons.  It is a slow healing process but she does not need surgery (thank you) and with physical therapy she is on the road to recovery.  In about 3 months we should be at the end of that road.

Mister Man is doing well and is now only taking a low dose of ADHD medicine.  We tried no meds at all but that was a no go.  He had muscle lengthening surgery on both legs just 2 weeks after Big Sis' injury cause that's how we roll in Loo-Loo Land.  The surgery had been planned, the Big Sis injury was not.  Great timing, NOT!  He is doing really well and recovering quickly.  The surgery was a great success and I now wish I had had it done earlier.

Lil Bro graduated Kindergarten with flying colors.  His Kindergarten teacher does feel that  he is prone to refusing to do something that he does not know how to do and insisting that someone else do it for him.  Um, it was a not so subtle message on his report card.  So we are working on accepting that even though he is the size of a 4 year old he is a 6 year old and he needs to behave as such.  It's a work in progress.

I have been really ill, which is no fun and especially with the kids issues and going back to school.  I have been working on my prerequisite courses during the Spring and Summer semesters so that I can apply to the nursing program this Fall.  I am taking it one step at a time and hoping that my health holds out.

And this has been a 6 month Loo-Loo Crew update!

This bathroom was having a face lift

(we were in the process of removing wallpaper, that's why the wall looks like that.)

Big Sis (pre-injury) out by the pig pen with her friend.

The Hubs said this was a hillbilly hot tub!

Country Livin'

We moved! Same area, different location. We are now out in the country. It is a nice location because it is about 2 and a ½ miles off of the main road but when you get back to the main road every convenience is available.

There has been good progress but of course there are still issues. We had to call the police on our 8-year-old daughter. It was time. It should have been done a long time ago. The previous rage outburst she had made it clear that her father was losing the battle to keep her and him safe. I felt confident that this was not a chemical issue at this point that she was in control and so I told her the next time I would call the police. There was a next time and so I did what I said.



It was an interesting experience. It made an impression on her and they made it clear the next time they would remove her from the home and either take her to the police station or the local mental health hospital.



We took steps here at home to further support the fact that we are not going to take it anymore. She has to earn back her toys. She has unlimited access to reading and writing or drawing and coloring. She has had to do lots of chores to help the family and it all seems to be making an impression on her.



Her little brother walked in the room and asked where her TV was. She did not give the old answers of “they took it” or “I don’t know”. She owned up to her behavior and explained that she lost it because of her big tantrum and that the police had to come and that she had to earn it back. So here’s hoping that we are on the right track.



The new home lay out is very good for everyone. There is a lot more space and everyone seems to be responding to that well. The house is on a bit of land and there is no traffic so there is more freedom for the kids to just go and play. So far they are loving it!

Pre-School Graduation

Thursday Lil Bro graduated from Pre-school. It was a grand old time and a big to-do for the little ones. Miss is at Grandma’s for a visit this week and so we did not have her stuff to deal with which made it really nice.

As we were leaving a funny thing happened. One of Lil Bro’s classmates is Chinese. His family moved here to the sunshine state. He and Lil Bro were fast friends. Mr. Man, who is of Korean heritage, saw me talking to this little boy and his Mom. And having Asperger’s means he tends to be awkward in social settings but he is interested at times in making a social effort. This was one of those times. Mr. man walks up to us and says to the five-year-old Chinese boy, “Hey I’m one of you guys too. So …” I didn’t really wait for whatever might be following so. I just took over the conversation and said that this was Mr. Man and it was so nice talking with you blah blah let’s get the heck out of here.

With Mr. Man’s literal thinking it is at times a real benefit. It seems in regards to adoption and being adopted this way of thinking has helped Mr. Man. He knows that he grew in another tummy and he knows that he is part Asian and that Mom and Dad aren’t. He is fine with all that. It is kind of like here is the person that drives me home on the bus and here is the person who’s tummy I grew in. They are all people with a job and he is fine with that. He asked me why he grew in someone else’s tummy and not mine and I simply said, “Because that is where you started out at. If you had started in my tummy you would have grown there but once you start in a tummy you have to stay there until you are ready to come out, there is no changing tummies.” I was winging it but that answer totally made since to him and he was happy with that.

It was the same kind of answer for the why am I Asian and you aren’t? Because the person who’s tummy you grew in was Asian, you get that from her. Made since and he was fine with that. For him there is no question that I am his real Mom that this is his real family that Big Sis is his real sister. Once when Miss screamed at me that I wasn’t her real Mom anyway Mr. was totally offended by that. He said, “You are the real Mom, she must be trying to make a joke.” That is how he explains anything that does not make since to him, jokes don’t make since so it must be a joke.

Dealing with his issues has been so much easier because of that natural parent child love that exists between us. Having to deal with a child’s issues who are also constantly sabotaging the relationship is very very challenging.

Love and support to all those who are doing the job daily!

School’s out for Summer!

For the first time in years I am excited about summer break!

Mr. Man is doing well overall and I think that he will have a good summer.

Lil Bro is a fun kid and I am sure he will have a great summer.

Big Sis is all about summer and swimming fun. Her virtual school program was a hit and we are going to be schooling at home again this next school year.

We have summer camp day program lined up for Miss M and she is satisfied with that. We have also arranged several visits with Grandma and Paw Paw during the summer.

In June we are taking a family vacation for 10 days to the Great Smokey Mountains. We are planning to camp some and stay in a motel some. All 7 of us are going and the two Chihuahuas, in a Mom Mobile with a travel topper thingy on the top of the van. We should be a merry load of entertainment for our fellow travelers out and about on the high ways.

The last family vacation we took was when Miss was three and a half and not yet diagnosed. I was in over my head and out of my league big time. Somewhere on the side of the road on that trip I swore to my mother in law as God as my witness I will not travel out of the sunshine state with this child again until we get a handle on whatever it is she has going on. So five years later here we go.

Things are mostly the same with Miss. Her pants are poopy most days, which means she isn’t earning some privileges and she gets lots of practice at hand washing laundry because she takes responsibility and cleans the poopy pants. It’s getting worse instead of better. But life goes on.

She has had more issues with taking things that are not hers from school. We handle it, return it, etc. The teacher e-mailed me 2 weeks ago that Miss was refusing to do her best work on an important math test. The teacher had her redo the test 3 times. A few days later Miss received a “student of the month” award. Why should the child do better and try harder if she is rewarded for not doing? But life goes on.

She bullied a child at school again. I can’t remember if I posted about that or not. If I am repeating myself, bare with me. She demanded that the child play with her, the child did not want to so Miss started harassing her and when that didn’t work she got the student in trouble by reporting that the child called her a name that she didn’t. Miss never comprehended that she did anything wrong. I tried to reason with her that this was unkind and she got someone in trouble when they didn’t really do anything. Miss felt she deserved to be in trouble because she made her mad.

Even the behavior therapist sees that her need/demand for control is so valuable to her that it is very difficult to come up with leverage that will motivate her to make the right choice. He is supportive to our family and that is the real benefit.

We continue to know that we are being blessed with the means in which to cope with Miss’ issues. We pray that in time she will truly change from within. In the mean time we continue to do our best to help her and to keep moving forward.

With school being out I hope to have more opportunity to keep the blog updated.   Here are a few picture updates:

Mr. Man and his best bud at the awards.

Mr. Man with his Teacher.

(Sorry these photos are chopped up but the names were showing on the awards.)

    Miss at the awards.

The Hubs with his fish.

Jasmine the chihuahua!

Navigating Parenthood

Navigating parenthood with multiple children who are inherently different is complicated. As parents here in loo loo land we fumble through, always giving it our all and doing our personal best. Sometimes that still isn’t enough but it’s what we have.  RAD is still with us, very much healing but here. I wish there was a pill or a magic potion, a vaccine for RAD.

Today my troubled daughter had a very good day. We traveled 2 hours south for brother’s eye appointment with his specialist. His vision is doing awesome by the way. The littlest brother was a total and complete ace number one pain in the butt all day today. He decided to be 4 going on 5 and it was not convenient to say the least.

Despite little brother being a pain Miss and Mr. were the big kids and did very well. As a reward for good choices (which had been lacking over the past few days) we went to dinner without little brother. Little brother earned going to bed early tonight because he was obviously tired.

We were sitting at the table in the restaurant having a nice time with nice conversation. We were eating the yummy bread while we waited for our food. My daughter who has been with me since she was 2 and a half years old and fed very very well everyday that she has been in my presence, gazed around the room and snatched the bread in front of her when she thought no one was looking.

I did not say anything to her, it didn’t matter that she took it and it was totally fine for her to have it. The need to get it on her own, to insure for herself that she will have what she needs, is still with in her. It made me sad for her, for what she went through those first years.

I posted that I was able to arrange for a staff member to check on Miss during lunch to ensure that she isn’t taking food from others. The staff member contacted me this week and let me know that Miss is obviously watching to see if she is being watched. The food taking is not going on at this time and so naturally others behaviors have stepped up.

Miss has been coming home with jewelry and things from other children (more and more) and so I contacted the director of the after school program where the “gathering” seemed to be happening. She has nipped that in the bud for the time being. Miss of course is not happy with me for that. Additionally Miss had been fake doing homework during homework time at the after school program. She would do a small portion of her work and then claim to be done. They don’t check the children’s work they simply provide them time to work on homework. I tried to handle the situation with Miss myself. I talked to her two different times and at the last talk I let her know if she continued to choose not to do her homework then I would have to ask Ms. H to have her stay at the homework station for the whole homework time whether she was finished or not whether she had homework that day or not.

Naturally she needed to test me. When she came home and announced that she did not finish her homework at aftercare, a very simple and quick handwriting practice assignment, I asked her why she made that choice. She said, “Because I wanted to go and play.” Well thanks for the honesty however did Mom tell you that she would need to talk to Ms. H if you made that choice again? Yes. So you understand that Mom is going to speak to Ms. H and you will need to stay at the homework station from now on? Yes.

This strong willed child seems to have a perpetual figurative middle finger in the air at all times. I spoke to the director and she was very supportive and said no problem they will have Miss stay at the homework station the full 30 minutes and that will still give her 25 minutes of outside play during the first outside time.

So … Mom is not Miss Fabulous’ favorite person at this time. We have talked about choices and the choices we make lead to earning or losing privileges. It seems that Miss either has tantrums or poop in the pants. The behavior therapist suggested that we make dessert earned with clean pants and not earned with poopy pants. Miss said that was not fair because dessert was lost with tantrums not poopy pants. It was a valid point of view and so we talked it out. I explained that poopy pants are the same as tantrums because they are a choice. We can choose to keep our pants clean and we can choose to handle anger the right way and not tantrum. Or we can choose not to do those things. At first Miss was simply mad and things did not sink in.

Today everyone had the day off from school and Miss was clearly still mad at Mom. I went in to her room and we talked things through again. I told her that we don’t want her to feel that things are not fair because that is frustrating to a person and it makes the person feel mad. I told her that I wanted to try again to help her to understand that Mom and Dad’s decisions were fair. Lather, rinse, repeat. I reminded her that I wasn’t expecting anything from her that I did not expect from my other kids. If they have poopy pants or tantrums then they are letting me know that they don’t want dessert.

I told her also that I understood that I was not the Mom that she wanted and that it was okay for her to feel that way but I am the Mom she has so it would be better to try to make the best of that. She said okay and she had a pretty good day today so here’s hoping.

It Was A Nice Two Weeks ...

and now we are back to reality.  Miss is pushing every button that Mommy has and I am trying to hold it in with a smile.  So far I am doing okay but it is certainly stressful.

I was explaining to my oldest why little sister is on a program to earn a "bath pass" but she has to take a bath daily.  Mr. Man had voiced his unhappiness with the program as well.  And during my parental explanation I said, "Parenting is not a democracy, it is not always "fair" but it is always "right" because your Dad and I know best and have all of your best interest at heart."  My mother in law thought I should right that down.

I went on to explain to the oldest that she has a lot more privileges than her little sister because she proves with her behavior choices that she can handle those privileges.  That may not always look fair to someone else but as the parent I know that it is what is right for the children involved.  The conversation ended with her giving me a "okay" shoulder shrug and going off to get her bath so I count that as a successful conversation.

There was more on the lunch room chicken nugget status this week.  The nugget debris is still coming home in Miss' lunch bag.  I asked her what she had got from the lunch room and she said nothing.  I asked why there was nugget crumbs in her bag and she gave me the "I don't want to talk to you" shoulder shrug.  It is amazing how much can be communicated with the shoulder shrug.  Later I asked the question in a different way and got further.  I asked who gave her food in the lunch room and she said K did.  I asked why and she said "because I like them."  I asked what K ate and she said "nothing because she was not hungry."

That did not sound good to me.  We have one child eating two lunches and one child not eating any lunch.  I remembered that the exceptional education coordinator at the school who is also the IEP coordinator who gives us a fight in getting what we want and need, had mentioned that she monitored the lunch room when Miss was eating lunch.  She can be very difficult to deal with but she knows RAD and she knows that Miss has it and she has made that clear to me.  So in this case she seemed like the best choice.  I contacted her and let her know the situation and my concern that the other child was not eating lunch.  She assured me she would handle it and it seems that she did.  So far no more nugget debris and it would seem that everyone is eating their lunch.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

Maybe that really is true, that being away from someone makes us value them more when we are together again. I think it is true. But the surprising thing is it seems to be true for Miss Fabulous as well.

When I still see the RAD markers surface in her life and ours I find myself asking, “How healed is she? How healed is she ever going to be?” But the truth seems to be just as other RAD experienced parents have said that the healing is a long time coming. And yet she is healing just the same.

Last week was our school districts Spring Break. After our weekend of camping, which I will post about later, Miss went to stay with the Grandparents for Spring Break week. She had a great time being the only child and playing in the hot tub and getting undivided non-stop attention. It used to be that although the break was needed and enjoyable the he** that she ensued on this household upon her return made it almost not worth it. But this time she came home like most kids do, that is she was thrilled to see every one of us and has been sweet as a peach. Of course it often seems put on and fake but she is making a real effort that much is clear and we are happy with nice even if it is a little fake-o.

Tonight after her bath she asked me to help her with her hair. She asked nicely and was respectful. I kind of had a pause for a moment as if candid camera was going to be jumping out from behind the bathroom door to real the joke. But no, that did not happen. While I was braiding her hair she asked if I remember the time that she got mad and screamed and then I showed her the birth date papers. I looked confused because I was and she said never mind. But I racked my brain and thought back to a time maybe a year or more ago, I’m pretty sure I blogged about it, when she got angry at me and said that I wasn’t her real Mom anyway. Once everything had calmed down I went and got all of the kids birth certificates. We always do a second adoption here in our home state so that the kids official documents are issued from our state and not only from their country of birth. So when you line up everyone’s birth certificate they all look alike, even Big Sis’s. I showed her all the documents and told her that I was her real mother just the same way that I am Lil Bro’s, Mr. Man’s and Big Sis’s mother. I said see the papers say that I am your Mom and that The Hubs is your Dad.

I told her that I understood that she grew in someone else’s tummy and so did Lil Bro and so did Mr. Man and that those woman are very special because they gave each of my children life but I am your real Mom and that’s how it is going to be forever. I have never heard her say the real Mom bit again. Although it will no doubt be coming my way again once the teen years hit, heaven help me.

She said yes that was the time she was talking about and then she said, “But you are my real Mom.” It was a very sincere apology for something that she had said to me months ago. 

Miss had soccer practice today and she really gave it her all and she was down right impressive and because she did not sabotage herself and really tried her best it gave me a great opportunity to praise her all up and cheer her on.  I was the Mom giving her the thumbs up and she was the kid waving to me from the field when she scored the goal.  It was awesome and she really seemed to feel good about really trying and succeeding.  And I think it lead to her wanting me to know that she knows who her real Mom is even though all the baggage from the past hurts and so sometimes I am the Mom that gets to be the punching bag.

Twilight Zone Report Card Day

I am having a twilight zone moment.  I am hoping for clarification from other smart parents.

Over the past few weeks Miss has had notes sent home saying that she was off task many times through out the day, that she had "kicked some boys at recess" but Miss clarified that she tripped the boys first because they would not play with her and then she kicked them, and also there has been the whole lunch room thing which I mentioned in my last post.  Granted the teacher probably knows nothing about that since she is not with them during lunch.  But in addition she has work sent home WEEKLY that has to be signed (at the teachers request) because of the failing grade received.

Yesterday was report card day.  Mr. Man's was typical with good grades and a basic comment about him progressing well in second grade.  However, Miss Fabulous had a mind-blowingly fabulous report card to the point that I feel alarmed.  Unless you parent a challenging child that probably sounds really odd.  Here's why I feel alarmed ...

The child that we have in our home and family life does NOT make friends well.  She doesn't express truly caring for or connecting with people.  She can go through the motions of "getting along" when we have visitors but only for a short period of time and she often/usually rages after they leave. 

She recently said, "I love everyone!"  When I casually asked her what it means to love someone I could have just as easily asked her to explain nuclear fusion.  It was a nice thing to say and she understands that so she said it but she doesn't have a grasp on what it means.  Not even on her four year old brother's level.  He can explain to a person what love means in his four year old way and it is sincere and you can ascertain that he knows what loving someone is.  Even her brother with Asperger's Syndrome can clearly explain what loving his family means, despite being socially awkward.

At soccer practice we see the other 7 kids becoming a team and connecting with and supporting each other.  She doesn't seem to know how.  She smiles at the other kids in an awkward way and keeps to herself on the bench while she waits for her turn to go and play.  When they perform activities that are to promote team effort she gives half effort and it is clear to anyone watching her.  When it is about her she tends to go all out.  Not that this is surprising or life ending but I'm painting a verbal picture so that you can empathize with my Twilight Zone. 

With our congregation she is aloof and disinterested or she puts on a fake awkward smile and attempts to make nice when people approach her.  She is disconnected from the children her age.

With her siblings she truly struggles with interaction.  She either seems to watch from the outside looking in or she sabotages group interaction.  When she interacts positively with a sibling it is always one on one.  Even with the professional behavior therapist here she is going to "attention seek" by getting upset and crying and stomping and pouting or by getting angry.  Last week the CBA had to put this child in a restraining hold because she flew into a rage because I directed her to review her homework with the CBA instead of meeting her demand that I go over the homework. 

However, these are the remarks from Miss' report card - "Miss has been working hard on trying to do her best on all of her work.  She needs to slow down and take her time when doing all of her work.  She is such a great helper to all of her classmates and they all love her.  Keep working hard Miss!!!"

As a parent a person should read that on a report card and be thrilled but I live in the Twilight Zone on report card day.  Out of 28 categories on the report card Miss received 20 OUTSTANDINGs and 8 SATISFACTORY marks. 

Under LIFELONG LEARNING, SKILLS OF INDEPENDENCE
Accepts Responsibility for own actions and
SKILLS OF COOPERATION
Respects rights and property of others and
works and plays cooperatively Miss received OUTSTANDING and part of the reason I live in the Twilight Zone on report card day is because I don't think tripping and kicking others at recess classifies as OUTSTANDING.  Apparently the teacher does?  She seems really sane so I don't think so but it makes me ask why?  Why does this teacher and ALL of Miss' teachers omit reality on report card day? 

Mr. Man received 16 OUTSTANDINGs, 10 SATISFACTORY marks, and 2 NOT DEMONSTRATED CONSISTENTLY marks for Writes legibly and Solves subtraction problems.  And he has an above average IQ according to the school's testing.  He definitely responds well to the structure and predictability of school routine and is better behaved at school than at home to a point but he isn't a completely different person. 

I am considering meeting with the teacher and the speech/language pathologist and asking them for examples of her OUTSTANDING positive interaction with peers and friends.  I am truly blown away and would like to present the professionals that work with Miss in real life examples of what the school is talking about verses the examples of what we see in family life.

What do you think?

The Lunch

For the past two weeks we have noticed that Miss Fabulous has had chicken nuggets in her lunch box.  We did not pack nuggets and she did not have money to buy lunch.  When the nuggets appear we have noticed that the packed lunch is not eatten at all or very little.  We weren't sure what was going on here and wondered if she was swipping nuggets off other's trays.

This morning Mr. Man announced that he saw Miss with a lunch tray yesterday.  This discussion began because they get to buy lunch on Friday's.  Clearly he did not think she should get to buy lunch on Friday since he had seen her with a lunch tray on Thursday.  She said that she most certainly did not have a lunch tray that he must have seen her friend that looks just like her.  I can assure the jury that no such person exist.  Mr. Man rebutted that no it was clearly her and that she had even said hi to him.  At this point we directed the conversation else where because clearly the adults have more detective work to do in the case of the unauthorized lunch tray.

This stuff is not in the parent handbook, you know?

(This photo was from our camping trip last fall.)

Ummm? Life As We Know It

Our bath time pass earning program seems to be crumbling a bit.  It has lasted longer than we ever anticipated it would but for a week now Miss has failed to earn a bath pass because she tantrums and has to start the earning all over.

Last week I received a note from teacher that Miss was "off task" several times which translates to acting up in class.  e.g. Can't keep our hands to our self, making noise outburst during class to receive attention, etc.  This week I received a note that Miss was kicking other students during recess.  She came home that evening and proceeded to tantrum about Mom checking her homework.  Let me clarify this because maybe your mind is saying that she did NOT want Mom to check the homework.  Quite the opposite with my attention seeker.  She knew it was ALL done wrong and so she would need to redo it and that would set her up to have a tantrum.  Mom didn't play along but instead took one look at the ALL wrong homework and said, "Since Mr. Behavior Guy is here tonight I think it would be awesome for you to go over this with him and if there are any changes he can help you make them."

That did not sit well with Miss.  She screamed, "NO!  YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME!!!"  I tried not to feed attention into the tantrum.  A few minutes later I suggested that if she did not like how her homework looked she might want to take a minute and make some changes before she and Mr. Behavior Guy went over it together.  She screamed, "NO!  YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME DO MY HOMEWORK RIGHT!!!" 

I explained that I needed to work on my laundry at the moment but that Mr. Behavior Guy was happy to help her.  That did not work out so well, at first.  She would not go for Mr. Behavior Guys attempts to move her away from the door to where I was doing laundry.  She was giving the door a beat down.  Interestingly the door was not locked, she could have come after me but she did not.  In the past she would have. 

He asked her to help him find the homework paper that he didn't see it etc.  She said, "OH GIVE ME A BREAK YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS!  I AM NOT COMING OVER THERE!"  Then she continued on with the door beat down.  He finally had to let her know that she needed to move to her room to calm down and that either she could go on her own or he would help her.  She would not go and so he proceeded to pick her up and take her to her room.  She would not let it go and proceeded to attack him.  He had to put her in a hold.  The Hubs was not at home and I can not handle her during a rage.

I think part of what is making Miss angry right now is that she was manipulating the teacher pretty well.  Miss had figured out that recess time on Thursday was walk and talk and that she would participate whether she did her homework or not on Wednesday night.  Every Wednesday night she would not bring some component of her homework home which meant that she could not complete her assignment.  I e-mailed the teacher that this was going on and it would seem that Mrs. Teacher got back to enforcing her own rules.  No homework, no recess time.  I am completely okay with this rule because Miss is a very active child and so she is getting all the physical activity that she needs.  On Thursdays she has cheer squad at school and then soccer practice in the evening.  Add to that non-stop motion and she is covered in the physical activity department.

Mr. is working on "Using Nice Words" to express his needs. 

Lil Bro is sick again and on antibiotics.  He has a sinus infection that has turned into a double ear infection.  It has not slowed him down in the least.  He has surgery scheduled for March 29th to have his tonsils and adenoids removed.  I am worried but know that it is necessary. 

Big Sis is holding steady as the "easy one".  Schooling at home is going well.  This week she was able to have an outing with some other friends who also school at home and they went to a veterinarian office for a tour.

I get to be the assistant soccer coach by default.  The other parents who said that they would do it puttered out.  Go me!  I have unofficially diagnosed one player as being on the autism spectrum and he and I do fine together.  And another player seems very ADHD to me.  He and I keep busy when he is on the bench by crowing like a rooster.  Whatever works!  Lil Bro is a great little player when he is paying attention, he is often distracted.  The little girl on the team is quiet and shy but she loves attention from the coach.  And then we have one natural little soccer player who had never seen a soccer ball before this season but he is doing awesome. 

I doubt that we will get suckered into coaching in the future but I must say it has all gone well thus far. 

Pictures of the Crew

Life over the last week has been pretty good.  We enjoyed a visitor from up North, visted with family from up North who were vacationing in Orlando FL, and our first Soccer games (as in 2) went well!

Life as we know it ...

I have not felt like blogging lately. My thoughts have been scattered and my mood has been low. I just had that “as good as it gets” pity party going on.

Things have not been in crisis mode, which I should be thankful for. My daughter continues to be stable and my daughter continues to be a pain to live with. Some how crisis mode allows me to feel more positive than everyday pain in the butt mode does. And then I feel ungrateful.

The month of February was filled with I don’t want to take a bath and I hate homework rages. We handled the rages, everyone stayed safe. Then the behavior therapist suggested a bath pass earning program. I turned away as my eyes rolled up in my head because seriously I was not feeling the bath pass thing. We have be done so many things to accommodate a child who struggles with behavior problems at home but not at school that I literally felt done accommodating. I wanted to dig my heals in and say no more! When you are dirty you get a bath period because you are seven and that is the Mommy’s call to make. I tried to put on a good face but I was resentful that yet again we have to figure out some way to get this child to do what everyone else here is doing with out accommodations, including a child with Asperger’s and a four year old.

But … I sucked it up and went with the suggestion and it is working. Everyday that Miss has no bath tantrum or homework tantrum she earns a check on the board. Three checks in a row and she earns a bath pass card which she can use when she chooses. She cannot use the pass if she has poop in her pants. If she has earned one or two checks and has a tantrum then we start all over again, it must be 3 checks in a row. When she uses the pass we right pass on the board but it does not count as a check. In three weeks she has only had one tantrum regarding homework or bath. I should be thrilled and I do act thrilled to her but inside I am resentful. I am resentful that it takes this kind of effort to get such simple things accomplished. I should not be I know and I’m working on it.

Right now we are working through “due process” with the school to try to get our son’s IEP labeled correctly. Right now it is a language based IEP. His “language exceptionality” is based in his Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis of Asperger’s. We have brought this up for years and been brushed off. So we are now working with an educational advocate and hope to make progress, time will tell.

Mr. had a surgical procedure, nothing major, but his recovery took longer than expected. He missed a good bit of school because of it and he discovered upon his return to school he could say that his surgery site bothered him and that he would go to the clinic and Mom would come pick him up. So we had to address that issue.

His anxiety at school has been increasing and he wants to be at home with Mom. I am flattered and happy that he is most comfortable at home but he still has to go to school.


It’s Soccer time and Lil Bro and Miss Fabulous are both playing soccer now. The Hubs was recruited to coach Lil Bro’s team. There are 6 four and five year olds on the team, two of which are prone to crying when they don’t score a goal. They are cute as can be and the Hubs is doing a great job with them.

Miss started out strong and confident at her first practice. Second practice the coach tried to give her instruction as to how to kick the ball correctly and that was not a big hit with her. She went into passive aggressive mode where she missed every ball that came her way and only gave the appearance of participating but really was just kind of bopping around in the general area. I asked her what she thought of coach and she said that she could not understand him when he spoke. I told her to just do what he was showing her to do and she didn’t need to worry about understanding his words. As we know she is a very visual person and the coach was giving very good instruction visually, despite his accent.

So we hope that she will continue to be willing to show up to practice with out a bunch of boo-who. The evaluator who worked with her last spring recommended soccer to help Miss be a part of a team where the attention is not focused on any one person and you win by supporting the team.

Sometimes and Mostly

Insanity:  doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Albert Einstein
I hear ya Albert, we have had some of that ourselves around these here parts.  For instance certain ones don't like getting a bath, they have a tantrum regarding said bath, they therefore fail to earn dessert and they still have to take the bath independently.  They understand these facts completely but yet they continue to carry on in the same way repeatedly with the belief that things will be different this time. 
All in all we are stable. 

1. Tantrums have been just that and not spiraled into rage outburst.
2. Homework is a hassle but that's life.
3. Sometimes we choose to do our best on school work and sometimes we don't.  Sometimes is better than never.
4. More often than not we make good choices.

Do I, the Mom, think underlying issues are resolved?  Probably not, but I also think that will be a long time coming if ever.  But we are doing as well as one would expect with the alphabet soup that is our life!  Go team!

And now I share some hope inspiring thoughts for the day...



* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, And some days you're the statue.


* Always keep your words soft and sweet, Just in case you have to eat them.


* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.


* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it.


* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.


* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.


* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.


* The second mouse gets the cheese.


* When everything's coming your way, You're in the wrong lane.


* Birthdays are good for you.  The more you have, the longer you live.


* You may be only one person in the world ... But you may also be the world to one person.


* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.


* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.

Some have weird names, and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.


*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Revvin' in 2011

Hello all!  Here's hoping as you read this you are reflecting on happy times during your break from school and what not.

The Loo-Loo Crew is holding steady:

• Mr. Man has gone 6 weeks with no aggression!
• Miss Fabulous is making continued slow progress in her attachment to family members, having real feeling and owning them, and taking responsibility for her choices.  We have even seen some appropriate big sister behavior and interaction with Lil Bro.  Fantastic!
• We had our Family Anniversary Day and everyone shared what that liked best about the other members of the family and what they liked about being a part of this family.  Lil Bro at age 4 said, "I wike being in this fam-o-lee because I wike to wuv my Mommy and Daddy."  He gets it!  Love him!
• The Hubs and I just celebrated our 17 year anniversary!
• They have all been sick with the usual colds and cough and we have finally lost the battle and are saddling up to see the pediatrician today in fact.
• Big Sis has been doing well. We are dealing with the hormonal 11 year old stuff where her mood swings like the wind is blowing. But no major issues as yet.
  
  
 The PJ crew!

Big Sis making doggy treats!

Big Sis with the Fur Babies - Jasmine and Chico.

Mom and Miss Fabulous at school!

Mom and Mr. Man at school!

Miss lookin' cute!

The Cuddlers!

Update

Things have been busy for sure so I have been neglectful on the bloggy front.


Thanks to those who have inquired on how we are here in Loo Loo Land!

· We took a trip to visit family up north in November. The kids traveled well, which is always a plus! Miss Fabulous had a visit with Grandma and Paw Paw while we were away since the Dad was staying behind to finish some work on the floors here at the Loo Loo Ranch. Miss enjoyed time as the only child and swimming in the hot tub!

· The school seems to be getting a clearer picture of Mr. Man and Miss Fabulous and seem to be meeting their needs well this year. After Mr. yanked out clumps of his hair in frustration during a meltdown the school started making accommodations in handwriting and homework. I have been really impressed with this since he did not melt down at school but at home regarding school; they still saw it as significant. And that equals help!

· The speech teacher called me following some testing she had done with Miss. The testing was to get an overall view of Miss’ abilities academically. I went to the school for a meeting with her and she showed me the results of the testing, which were on the low side and therefore qualify Miss for continued help via her IEP. But she wanted me to see why Miss’ scores were low, because she clearly “was not feeling motivated to do her best.” For instance Miss correctly identified infantry as a vocabulary word but was not able to identify the colors red and yellow or apple. The only thing that surprised me is that my 7 year old knew what infantry was! Both the teacher the speech teacher and the IEP coordinator have indicated that they have Miss’ number and understand her lack of motivation at times. Rolled into that she has some areas, which are clearly not strengths for her such as word tenses, and she is getting help in those areas as well.

· We are still dealing with homework tantrums.

· Mr. Man was sick last week with an ear infection, sinus infection and viral tonsillitis. His temp was 103.2 with both Motrin and Tylenol. Poor guy!

· Miss still visits the school clinic when she is not happy about something in class. They usually send her packing with in 2 minutes once her temp is negative.

· Lil Bro is doing awesome in school and life in general.

· Big Sis is doing well too, we have had to revamp our at home schooling schedule. I guess it is typical to have adjustments when you begin schooling at home.

· On a sad note my kitty cat who is 17 years old and who I raised on a bottle because his Mom and litter mates all died, has bone cancer. The tumor is located on his rib cage and is aggressive. Right now he is comfortable and that is our goal but in the next few weeks that will likely change and we will need to make the humane choice on his behalf.

Keep on keepin’ on!

Teacher Conference

Tuesday was teacher parent conference night and we had a meeting with Mr. Man and Miss Fabulous' teachers and some of the support staff. The consensus was that Mr. needs some extra help and some accommodations such as typing homework instead of hand writing sentences.  The support staff and teacher were concerned that he had recently ripped out a bunch of his hair and since homework stresses him out they felt it appropriate to make accommodations.  The Hubs and I were on board with that! 

Mr.'s situation is such that even though he does not melt down at school his teacher is very well aware of how stressed he is at times.  He is driven by the need to be done first, if he isn't done first then he feels that his work doesn't count at all, that it isn't valuable.  And it doesn't matter how many times it is explained to him this is the way it is in his mind.

It is reassuring that he seems to be on track for getting needed  help this year at school.

Both of the kids have new speech teachers this year and they both are gung ho.  Miss' speech teacher wants to test test test and I said go for it!  Miss had just taken a reading assessment that day and she scored as a beginning reader in the second grade.  Much lower than she had scored the last time she was tested.  I asked the teacher if she felt that was accurate and she said no and I said me neither.  I said that I would guess that Miss Fab did not feel like taking that test at that time.   Mrs. Teacher said that was correct because she had to keep instructing Miss to get back to work and that this was important and that she needed to do her best. 

A typical thing to direct a student on as a teacher but with Miss probably the most wrong thing to say.  She said that she would retest her as soon as she was allowed to and that we would see how she did then.  I honestly considered recommending that they use candy and let her know the higher the score the more candy she'd get.  She'd ace it but that seems inappropriate.

We looked over some of the work that Miss had recently done and the teacher mentioned that her grades were not as good as they were getting into the real second grade curriculum and we said that was consistent with what we had seen in the past.  She recognized that there were answers that were obviously wrong that she felt Miss probably really did know the answer to.  That was encouraging to feel that the teacher understood that.  It is just Miss way of rebelling against being told to do something that she doesn't want to be doing.  She is not comfortable to tantrum there at school but she will refuse to answer their questions correctly so take that!

The teacher seemed to understand that Miss is not always on the level but that she is a pretty cute kid any how.  Miss seems to be having better peer relationships in school.  The teacher said that she feels Miss has the concepts that are being taught and that she tends to be a ring leader in her small group and that her group tends to do the best in terms of the concepts that they are working on.  I told her that was consistent with what Miss was sharing at home because she had told me that she was "very popular" and that "everyone wants to be in my group and I have to say whoa there slow down a minute people!"  Her teacher said that was accurate.

I hope that this positive trend carries on.  This is the time of year where we tend to see the most stability from Miss.  And I'm thankful for it!

This is Sparks the firefighting dragon.  As room Mom for Mr's class I was assigned to the job of drawing Mr. Sparks.  The kids will be decorating him on Friday.  On Monday I am commissioned to help with Miss' class hero.  These characters are for a contest related to the schools book fair.  Reading counts!

This is just a cute pic that I found when I was uploading Mr. Spark.  Dad took these three kids hiking while Miss went with Mom and Nan shopping.

And that's one to grow on!

Temple on Asperger's

So true!

FUNNY AND SWEET

I received this in an e-mail, hope it makes you smile!


1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.


-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

-- Kristen, age 10


2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

-- Camille, age 10


3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.

-- Lori, age 8


5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

-- Lynnette, age 8 

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

-- Martin, age 10


6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

-When they're rich.

-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.

- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

- - Howard, age 8



7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

-- Anita, age 9


8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is.......


9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10

School Days, making progress!

After the weeks homework battle things improved greatly.  There was a book report that Miss had to accomplish on Wednesday which included making a sheep out of a milk jug.  We waited til the last minute in part because of how much time her regular homework had been taking because of the battles.  But ... the last minute went well so no complaints.  Our milk jug sheep was a big hit in the classroom and Miss liked that.  For the book report itself we found the points that needed to be shared together and I wrote them down for us and then Miss rewrote the report independently.  She did very well with that and got gobs of praise about what a big girl she was and what an awesome job she is doing.  I hope that we are on the right track to shape her behavior toward homework in a positive way.  We love helping the kids with homework it can be an really enjoyable time together but the manipulation can not be supported.  I think we are on the right track.

Mr. is struggling with homework but this week went better.  For him he needs to know that he can leave the homework and come back to it.  He doesn't handle feeling trapped by the homework well and he starts to unravel.  But the realization that he can walk away and take a break and return back to the work seems to be helping.  Writing is a huge challenge for him and tends to overwhelm him so writing one sentence at a time and going to play for a few minutes and then coming back is working for him at the moment.

Friday I got to volunteer in Mr.'s classroom and it was very interesting to see him in that environment.  Other teachers were having fall parties but Mr.'s teacher choose to have a centers activity day.  We did a sink or float activity with different veggies and the kids had to predict whether the item would sink or float and why.  There was a counting activity with pumpkin seeds where the kids got to scoop out pumpkin seeds from the pumpkin and then guess how many seeds they had and then actually count them.  They also made a prediction about the size of the pumpkin by cutting a piece of yarn that they guessed would go around the whole pumpkin.  There was a leaf rubbing center and a mat weaving center.  It all went really well and the kids never missed the sugary treats!

Sink or Float Center

Counting Pumpkin Seeds

 Mat Weaving Station and it was Crazy Hat day so yes that is Mario

on my son's head. :-)

Leaf Rubbing Station



Homework Headaches

Thanks for all the comments checking in on me!

Overall Miss Fab is doing well and is obviously stable at the moment.  However, she is digging in with both heals regarding homework.  Despite getting A's in math on her report card she maintains that she does not know how to do the work.  One  minute she can count money and the next she has no clue.  She wants us to do the work step for step for her.  In the past this gag worked pretty well for her.  She is very believable and as a parent your natural instinct is to help the child.  Unfortunately she is clearly manipulating the help and now that we have our ducks in a row and clearly understand her level of ability it is time for her to get to work.

She is going into full on rages, ripping up the papers with her aggressive erasing technique and flat out refusing to move forward.  After an hour and a half for 5 problems and a full on rage I decided that we would give her 10 minutes to get the work done or Dad would take her to school the next morning and explain to Mrs. Teacher why the paper looked the way it did and why it was still not complete.  She was clearly torn.  She did not like the thought of him coming to class and talking to Mrs. Teacher but she also did not want to give in and do the work.  She completed one more of the math problems and it was done correctly but refused to do the last problem.

Dad took her to school the next day and asked Mrs. Teacher if Miss Fab knew how to do this work and she was confident that she did.  He explained what had happened etc.  The teacher said that Miss refuses to answer when she is called on sometimes and sometimes she does not complete her work.  Dad explained in the past that it had been determined that was willful behavior and having to do work during recess time had encouraged her to get her work completed in a timely manner.

We have a conference scheduled with Miss Fab's teacher on Nov. 9.

Mr. Behavior Guy was not all together helpful yesterday.  He seemed to talk out of both sides of his mouth saying one thing one time and another thing the next time.  He started falling back on "I'm using this method and that method" regarding homework help and trying to determine which method works best.  The Hubs and I were perturbed and explained numerous times that we were confident that Miss understood the work and she needed to do it.  He would agree with that but his actions didn't support that.  It was disheartening because this guy has been coming to our house for 2 years, once a week to work with Miss.  He has seen her in a full on rage many times, he has watched the manipulation she uses and still she can convince him that she doesn't know something that she does know.  What chance do with have with a teacher?  None.

Ultimately the suggestion was to work the homework through with Miss on a separate piece of paper and then have her redo the work on her actual homework sheet to turn in.  This way she is still having to accomplish the work independently and she can not maintain that she doesn't understand it.  The consequence within the "method" is that she has to do the work twice if she isn't willing to do the work independently the first time.  We are going to give it a try.  If she refuses to do the work independently the second time, having the answers and the work right in front of her from the first time, then it is clearly willful and we are to stick to her not moving on to anything else until she does it.  We are in for some lonnnnnnnnnnng nights.

On a positive note the weekend went pretty well.  The Hubs and I took Mr. Man and Miss Fabulous camping, in a tent this past weekend.  Big Sis went to Grandma's for a visit and Lil Bro got the weekend to himself with Nana. 

                                                     Miss took this picture of Mom and Dad.

They fell asleep, you would have thought they were rowing!

It was a really nice experience for the kids.  And Mom made it through too. 

Dad was in his glory!