The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Rages, Bullying, and Backslides

I had been waiting a few days to post this because I wanted to enjoy the beauty of the photo montage that our family made for Miss M. Thank you for the lovely comment that you left Jeri. Those sad eyes definately tell a story.

I have posted the link to one of the Bipolar Child Newsletters that deals with the seasonal aspect of the disorder. September has always been a difficult time for Miss M even before we knew what we were dealing with. Last September her violence was so high that her Psychiatrist called every facility in the state trying to locate an option for treatment.

Miss M raged 3 times last week - Thursday morning, Friday night and Sunday evening. The one Sunday took place in the Wal-Mart and continued out into the Wal-Mart parking lot. Big Sis was hysterical when she called for back up (as Dad had directed). When I arrived there is my 6 year old raging away in the parking lot with on lookers. One guy, bless his idiot heart, tried to give us water to give to her. If you want that bottle to become a projectile then sure give it here. One guy did the drive by, "Is everything okay here?" As if Miss M was in danger. Yeah everything is peachy keen, can't ya tell? The police were at the neighboring Hess station making an arrest. Have no idea what that was about, some lady in a truck. I contemplated going over and explaining to them the situation before someone else sent them over.

She finally got into her seat in the van when she saw the police car coming. She has a fear of the police and their dogs. We aren't sure the reason why. She has never had negative police interaction while she has been with us but perhaps she remembers something from before. She did say while she was raging "I don't want no mean dog!" We had no idea what that meant. When I asked her about it the next day she didn't remember and then when I described what was going on she said, "Oh, I didn't want their police dog to come." Good enough, we actually got an answer and it made sense.

So we already knew that Miss M was not at her best. Yesterday at pick up from the after care program at school the director called us over. Miss M has been bullying other children. One girl finally told when they questioned her about what had been going on between her and Miss M. She reported (reluctantly) that Miss M orders her to do this or that and if she doesn't then Miss M goes to the teachers/caregivers and says the child did something to her like step on her fingers or push her or something. So the other child wrongfully gets in trouble. This is some of the behavior that has gone on at home after school.

Also the hoarding/taking things that aren't hers has returned. She was hoarding some things in her desk at school, backpack, bedroom, etc. She took her sisters radio at some point and then when her sister questioned why it was in her room she informed her that since it was in her room now that it was her radio. There were a few other things along this line as well.

So we had a talk with her yesterday and that went well. She was honest about things.

There was a lullaby playing in her brother's room down the hall and she looked upset and asked us to turn it down so that she could not hear it. The lullaby talks about how much the parents love their little one and that they are always there to protect and love you, etc. We have played it for her at bedtime too. We asked her why it bothered her and she said it makes me scared. I asked her did it scare her that Mommy and Daddy love her always. She said yes and in the conversation admitted that she is afraid we will go away. Three steps forward, two steps back seems to be this healing dance.

I am going to get in touch with our therapist who specializes in attachment and see about an appointment for a chit-chat. It seems that because Miss M struggles to get the whole picture regarding any situation that she also struggles to put all the pieces together (so to speak) regarding the healing process. She seems to understand one point and then another point but not how the points connect for the whole picture.

What we know is that she is attached to us, she does love us, and she still has very deep emotional wounds that we are trying to help her heal. Add to that a chemical imbalance and a pinch of abandonment issues and ta-dah...

some days we're bearly hanging on.


Jennifer said...

Hi! I found you from the comment you left on my blog (Thanks!). I'm so sorry you are dealing with such difficult issues. One thing I have found is that as adoptive parents we deal with things which other parents can't relate to, and it is so hard when you are having to deal with these difficulties to not have anyone nearby who really understands. When I talk about any difficulties with our daughter from Russia inevitably I hear, "Well, that's just normal teenage behavior." Sometimes I want to scream, "You go adopt a child who spent 12 years living in orphanages in Russia, has had almost no education, can't speak English, has no concept of what it means to live with a family except what she has seen from Hollywood, and who was exposed to alcohol before birth, and then tell me how normal you think your child is!" Thank goodness for an online community of adoptive parents who can relate! I will be praying for you!

Mom 4 Kids said...

Jennifer thanks for your comment and very well said! I enjoy following your blog and look forward to your adoption news regarding China. :-)