Cruisin'

Alas we have returned to reality.  Thunk!

Boy that reentry is not easy when you have come to accept that every time you leave your state room the bed will be made and there will be a new towel animal waiting for you upon your return.

Man!  We had to like make dinner and junk tonight!

But ... the little ones did excellent here at home with Dad and Grandma.  My Fabulous Miss M is gearing up to give me the business for the next few days make no mistake about that, but they did very well while I was gone and that will make leaving again more doable!  Go me!

The cruise was an absolute retreat and spending that time with my 11 year old girl who will have out grown me in a blink was priceless.  She gets lost in the shuffle around here because she is capable and Mama has a lot on her plate.  I try to address it often, that I notice it and want it to be different.  And I do what I can do to make that happen.  I try to set aside time with her in the evening as many nights as possible but the reality is I am tired and worn out from the day and probably less fun then I'd like to be.

So making sure that she has this one on one time with Mama is important for both of us.

The Nanster needed time away too.  She is very good about backing us up and allowing either me or the Hubs to get done what we need to.  She is very dedicated to our brood and this was our way of saying thank you to her.

I will be posting more pictures of the trip soon.

Gone Daddy Gone

The Hubs and Big Sis went on a Kayak trip this weekend with another Dad and his son and the son's friend. They had a nice time and now I am so planning a weekend get away with Big Sis!

The little kids did very well this weekend. Mr. and Miss do better when Big Sis is not an option. It seems that they no longer view the other as competition but rather, all there is. Interesting how the dynamics affect how any given child may do with situations and issues at hand.

And ... the med dose increase is most definitely given the Fabulous Miss M her bounce back, back. We had really good progress from Oct. to Jan. with no rage outburst and then Jan. started to turn into Feb. which was heading toward March Madness and the rages made their return to the tune of once or twice a week. Still better than 2 and 3 times in a day but also still not much fun.

I was reading a post on another Mom's blog about kids with RAD who are also diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I really appreciated that post and it's info and it definitely supports what we have seen with Miss M.

We were kind of in this weird-o holding pattern regarding attachment progress until we were able to find the right meds to help the mood disorder. The issues themselves that have come from trauma and neglect and and and ... are still there but the things that we are doing to help her actually seem to help her when her brain is functioning at a more normal rate.

She handled Dad and Big Sis not being home this weekend. She was able to express that she didn't like that they were not there and that she missed them. Lil Bro is helping by acting as a tiny theaputic person. He does not like it when Mom leaves even to go to the store. He is smart and has amazing social skills and is able to initiate roll play that helps him work through those feelings. In play with dolls or sometimes a stuffed animal (this weekend it was bunnies) he says,

"Bunny baby sad because Mommy Bunny gone. It okay Baby Bunny, Mommy Bunny always come back.

But I want her and I cry and I miss her.

But Mommy always come back and Daddy Bunny and Nanny Bunny takes care of you. Everybody takes care of you.

Mommy always comes back."

I noticed the dialog coming from Miss M during play was more positive again this weekend. She definitely has picked up some of Lil Bro's self comforting message. I was able to go to the store and come back without her having a meltdown. Progress!

No Leg To Stand On, Part II

Thank you so much for the comments and suggestions! Really very good!

I thought what J. said (as a teacher) was interesting in that Miss’ scores reflect that she may be distracted during testing since she is doing well on her benchmark test which are one on one. I think that is a good point and we are considering that too. Or perhaps she is receiving extra help on the testing by her teacher when it is one on one. She is not supposed to receive help but from what we see from her during homework if I sit with her and guide her step by step her work looks as if she understands it quite well. The reality is that she cannot do it independently.

As others have commented we definitely have a teacher that is determined to view Miss through rose colored glasses. We do believe that she feels sorry for Miss because of her past and because of her struggles and is also probably totally snowballed by the charm factor.

This is a summery of her report card with my notes in ( ):

Comment from teacher – M continues to work very hard with the first grade skills. With harder reading skills, her weekly reading test scores have dropped a little (the last one was a 31%, a little? Really?), but she still continues to do her best and seems motivated about the reading lessons. Her individual reading and comprehension running record scored an 18 which is above grade level. I am so proud of her and I thank you for helping to reinforce the skills we learned in school by making sure that she completes her weekly homework. Mrs. Teacher

Grades:

Reads grade level materials independently – Not Demonstrated Consistently

Understands what is read - Not Demonstrated Consistently

Self corrects when reading – Satisfactory (We don’t see this at home at all, she has no clue that she misread the word.)

Uses letters and sounds – Outstanding

Thinks of words that make sense – Outstanding

Uses pictures for clues – Outstanding

Communicates effectively when speaking - Satisfactory

Communicates effectively through writing – Satisfactory (Daily Oral Language assignments are coming home unfinished and or to be redone because they are done so badly, that’s satisfactory?)

Uses correct capitalization and punctuation – Satisfactory (Not according to the DOL work.)

Applies Standard Spelling to written work – Satisfactory (Let’s look at those spelling grades again.)

Writes legibly – Satisfactory (If you happen to be fluent in chicken scratch!)

Social Studies and Science she received – Satisfactory (she failed the only test they took but apparently knowing stuff like if it is sunny or cloudy is all they have to know for the grade)

Understands number concepts - Satisfactory

Solves addition problems – Satisfactory

Solves subtraction problems- Not Demonstrated Consistently

Applies problem solving strategies in math – Not Demonstrated Consistently

Accepts Responsibility for own actions – Outstanding

Listens and follows directions – Satisfactory

Works Independently – Satisfactory (but she can’t do the work? Reads grade level materials independently – Not Demonstrated Consistently, How can she do work independently if she doesn’t understand the directions most of the time, either written or spoken? The diagnostic education evaluation/testing we had done in Dec. 09 confirmed that she does not understand spoken directions and the teacher confirmed that Miss has to be given direction several times.)

Completes activities in a timely manner – Satisfactory (she brings unfinished work home weekly)

Organizes and cares for materials – Outstanding (not according to her desk at school)

Demonstrates Personal Best – Outstanding

Respects rights and property of others – Outstanding (let’s ask the drop off kid at aftercare)

Works and plays cooperatively – Outstanding (let’s ask the drop off kid at aftercare)

Respects and accepts authority – Outstanding

Participates in class activities – Satisfactory

Uses courtesy in speech and actions – Outstanding (let’s ask the drop off kid at aftercare)

In harmony with the Mary Poppins grades of practically perfect in every way, which may mean that she is really good at not getting caught if we look at what happens at home and at aftercare, I dunno?

Here are her comments and weekly behavior scores from last week – “Miss had to miss some recess (twice) this week for talking, uh oh!”

Listens Carefully – Outstanding

Stays on Task – Outstanding

Follows Directions – Outstanding

Treats Others with Respect – Outstanding

Follows Class Rules – Satisfactory

Does His/Her best work – Outstanding

How can a kid be Outstanding and be talking and disrupting class to the point of needing to miss recess time? I will tell you, because she is precious and sweet and misunderstood and Mrs. Teacher loves her so that makes her Outstanding.  Ya think?
I kind of feel like what Heather and Brad expressed in their comment on the previous post applies here too, this kid has the adults totally under her thumb at school.

We did check the box indicating that we want to meet with Mrs. Teacher. I feel like this is the first step. We are going to ask 1.) is Miss going to be moving on to second grade in the fall 2.) if so what interventions and assistance will be in place for her right from the start 3.) is extended school year/summer school something that is going to be available to Miss?

Second grade will be a huge jump in skills and if Miss is struggling now in first grade she is likely to really struggle right from the start in second grade. Or maybe pigs will fly and she will miraculously and suddenly understand everything.


ON THE AWARD FRONT:

Big Sis received an award for A honor roll! Hooray she worked and earned straight A’s! As a reward she wants a day of pampering with Mom, I think we are going to get nails done and lunch and shopping!

The Science of Mama Knowledge

As a parent of a child with RAD we get doubted, it’s just a fact. Family that have known and loved us all of our life will suddenly become critical of our parenting regarding this particular child. They abandon reason and become sucked in by the little charmer.

Over time we have learned to suck it up and accept this is our lot in life, it’s not a lot but it’s our life. Ba-dunt-da-chee! But on the flip side of that there are moments in raising our child with RAD where we get to go YES! I knew I was right and secretly do our happy dance and the take that gesture!

Miss has had poor performance in school off and on, up and down. At her personal best she is a C, D student and when something rocks her boat and or challenges her she falls behind that. Just about the time Dad and I get the school on board that she needs more resources she will take a benchmark test and score on grade level. The school will say how well she is going and that she is “responding to the interventions in place”. Her grades remain this up and down roller coaster ride and her progress reports continue to look the same but she did okay on a benchmark test and so all is well/ we don’t have to apply anymore funding to your child.

Dad and I have had numerous personal discussions on what the best option is for Miss but the fact is I can not pull her out of school at this point and home school her and remain sane. We have looked into a charter school in the area that may be a good option but to up root her in that way, things would need to become worse or less supportive than they are right now at her current school, because for Miss I no likey change that is most definitely a BIG change.

So when her current progress report came home last week with “Not demonstrated consistently” on it in Language Arts and some other things I did not sweat it. I did not check the box marked “meet with teacher” because what else is there to say? We have said it over and over, “she needs more resources”.

I mentioned a few post back with all the tantrum talk that I was sure something at school was upsetting Miss and was the reason for the ‘I don’t want to go to school’ thing. Last Friday Miss finally talked in a way that I could put the pieces together. She had been mentioning this teacher Ms. D but I misunderstood and thought that Ms. D was one of the inclusion teachers that works with Miss, in fact she is an intern who has been in the classroom for … the same number of weeks that Miss’ ‘I don’t want to go to school’ tantrum phase came about.

My guess was that the teacher was giving Miss to Ms. D to work with because of her demand for attention/help in the classroom. Because Ms. D is not Miss’ preferred person she is feeling abandoned by the teacher, lack of control, and and and.
I really considered discussing this with Mrs. Teacher but decided it would likely fall on deaf ears and once again I would be making a problem where there wasn’t one, in Mrs. Teacher’s eyes. Wednesday Mrs. Teacher e-mailed me that Miss’ work was falling behind in both the classroom and in speech/language therapy and that Mrs. Teacher and the ST had met and felt it was the fact that the intern had been working with Miss for weeks now.
They had put together a plan to give Miss more help from both the teacher and the ST and just needed parent’s approval. We gave the okay and viola Miss came bee-bopping in the house yesterday with her most pleasant attitude back on. We had no ‘I don’t want to go to school’ issues this morning and she was happy as a lark. Miss I no likey change has her universe back in order and Mama has the reassurance that yes indeed I know my kid and my intuitions are dead on.



In other Loo-Loo school news: Big Sis placed second in the Science Fair Environmental division for 5th grade. Booya! So all that grey-water collecting that I did from the washing machine rinse cycle was not in vain.  Go Big Sis!!!



Mr. had himself a tantrum yesterday and failed to earn Wii time. That went over like a led balloon. It was interesting what “triggered” this tantrum.

1. He scored an 88 on a test in school yesterday and his teacher sent word that he missed those questions because he was rushing through the test in order to be first to finish. He was upset that he did not get a 100 but did not seem capable to put two and two together to realize that his rushing and not reading the test carefully was the cause. Sigh.

2. He wanted to eat and it was between snack and dinnertime. I offered carrot sticks as a tide me over and that was not a hit.

3. Strike 3 was when he wanted to go into Big Sis’ room for comfort (I think) and she said no because she was doing homework.

Insert Wham-O! and using hands for hurting aka trying to break Mom’s fingers and no he did not earn Wii time. He did get himself back under control in a relatively short time frame, which is progress. Last week he earned all of his Wii time but unfortunately we cannot control all variables in the universe and so at times he is going to lose it.

And that’s the Loo-Loo Review for today!

IEP Meetings and Virtual School

Monday we had Mr.'s IEP meeting. I tried to re-schedule it because Big Sis was sick and so I could not attend the meeting myself. The reschedule was not possible even though a second meeting at a later time would be. Dad and talked and Dad said he would attend even with out Mom.
We knew that the school was looking to end Mr.'s IEP. Mr. has made great progress since his IEP began at age 3. However, the reason Dad and I and the CBA and the Psychiatrist don't want to see the IEP done away with just yet is that Mr. is an ASD child who has significant struggles in life. He is EXTREMELY time oriented and routine and structure oriented and because of that he does okay in school for the most part.

He has however REQUIRED accommodations in order to make it through the school day/week. Accommodations were made in PE for example because of his lack of tolerance for other people touching him.

Another accommodation was regarding visual fears and the SALSA Spanish program at school. His visual fears are abnormal and typical for someone with an ASD diagnosis. He was so terrified that he would go and hid behind the bookshelves in the classroom before the program started. His teacher (who is awesome) made the accommodation for him to attend a second grade class during SALSA time. It is an enrichment program and not for a grade so she was okay with that.

These accommodations should fall under Social Emotional Behavior on the IEP. The IEP coordinator disagrees that Mr.'s behavior is any different than other students his age. Really? As far as I know he is the only one hiding during SALSA time. His CBA and his Psychiatrist feel that this is not typical of other students his age.

We are very blessed to have a teacher that makes accommodations for his social/emotional needs but as the grade levels advance the expectations become more strict and teachers are not there to hand hold and they don't make accommodations unless they are required to because students are expected to be independent. We agree with this and this is what the principal expects. It wasn't always easy for Big Sis to be independent in the school environment but she is capable she is not a ASD student. It is better to help Mr. out on the front end of a potential problem then to try to put out fires (so to speak) on the back end of the problem.

The bottom line is we were able to have his IEP extended into the next school year. Because the teacher shared that he often withdrawals from the class and has to be redirected the Speech Language Pathologist made that a Communication goal to be worked on over the next year. So hooray he has the IEP for the next year and falls under the protective laws that govern the IEP.

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Virtual Public School - Big Sis has been requesting to home school. The topics of discussion at school involve sex and drugs already in the 5th grade and she wants to be removed from that. I can't fault her on that. I however did not feel confident in my ability to home school her and to be taking on the complete responsibility for her education. Then I received an e-mail about our counties Virtual Public School. It is awesome! Because it is a public school it is free and so are the supplies such as textbooks and microscopes and whatever else. The child has a teacher that they are in contact with virtually via the computer. Overall the child and their family have the home school schedule flexibility to get their work accomplished however, they have the same curriculum as if they were attending their zoned school, they graduate with a diploma from the county just as if they had graduated from their zoned school, and they have a teacher that they answer to. As certain the teacher will have sessions scheduled where all 6 th grades have to log in at a specific time to learn a particular math concept for instance, but overall there is the home school`` flexibility.

Big Sis is completely excited. The expectations that Dad and I have laid out are that you do the work responsibly and maintain your current grade average or you go back to your zoned school the following year. They ask that you make a one-year commitment because as a virtual school they get their funding on the backend of the school year after the student has completed the curriculum. If they student exits the program they get no reimbursement for the work they put into that students education. I think the one-year commitment is great. If she doesn't like it (which I doubt) then she would go back to her zoned school in 7th grade, which would be when she would be making a school change anyway.

School is Cool! Virtually! hee hee

Keep On Keepin On

Mr. made it through Wednesday okay. We are working on a more structured earning program regarding Wii/Computer time and his ADHD med has been adjusted again.

Mr. CBA was here Tuesday evening and Dad came home for the visit too. Mr. CBA was talking about the cycling that we are seeing with Mr. and the behaviors that are with the elevated aggression like sleep difficulty and increased appetite. I have to say I don't like the sound of that. Those are some of the things that we see with Miss M in relation to the bipolar when it is not regulated.

We just can't get around the fact that we are looking at a lot of inconsistency with Mr. and his frustration level. We went on the trip up north a month ago and I fully expected him to act out because of all the change but in fact he did great. He had been doing well before the trip also. The week following the trip, even before Dad went out of town, Mr. went south behavior wise and has not leveled back off.

So we will just have to see how all that unfolds.

Someone said, "Have you ever considered just chucking the Wii and Computer?" Yep I have and if it comes down to being a problem and not a benefit then I won't shed one tear as it goes up on craigslist but we have a kid on the Autism Spectrum who can have some way out there melt downs and is getting bigger all the time and the thing that is of most interest to him the most motivating to him is Wii and Computer time, so we use it.

Big Sis can get it if she loses a privilege for a period of time for poor choices. For instance she had the notion to cut her screen out of her window because she wanted it open. Well let's see would calling an adult for assistance been a good choice in this situation? Yes I think so. At any rate she will be making restitution for this in the form of paying for the screen and assisting Dad with the repair.

Sister Shot

Let's Go Green!

Let's Go Green!  I will be honest - I. Do. Not. Heart. Science Fair. Projects.

There, I said it. 

They become a lot of stinking work for the parents as they do most of the project help their child.  And what frightens me even more as I Big Sis begin this 5th grade Science Project is that in no time at all my first grade crew is also going to be needing help with Science Fair projects and that is going to be THREE projects going at once in the Loo Loo house.

This years project is on Recycling Greywater.

 We I am collecting greywater from the washing machine because I do ALL the laundry, 50% from the wash cycle and 50% from the rinse cycle.  Nan and I planted the lettuce plants that are going to be used in the project.  And I have a new 'you might be a redneck' to submit to Mr. Foxworthy - You might be a redneck if you have to plant your lettuce plants in a rabbit cage so that your Pit Bull Puppy does not eat the Science Fair Project.

I can't say I wouldn't have been willing to use the toilet bowl planter but we didn't have any extras.

                                                                                                                         

                                                                                                                                

Clearly I did not read the fine print in the parent handbook.  My bad.