Big Lots Big Tots Tantrum

The 4 year old had a mighty tantrum in Big Lots today.  One man got so mad at him that he threw his cans of sardines and a few other things on the nearest shelf and stormed out of the store.  Sorry Big Lots for the loss of that 2 dollar and 50 cent sale.

The whole hullabaloo was because Lil Bro wanted to go to the toys and I had exercised my parental authority and said no.  For several reasons actually.  He was not behaving nicely and was using a rude tone of voice in how he was speaking to the mama and he had already been warned about that.  That isn't really the point, the point is that he was told no and he was not happy to have to accept that answer and so he kicked up a royal ruckus. 

I could have left and gone to another store to get my Gain and dish liquid but I was tired and I needed those items and it would not have gone better had we walked down to the Dollar General.  Mostly I was tired.

I was proud that I did not get huffy or anything when the lady toward the back of the line yelled, "Sorry about your luck kid but you aren't getting a toy!"  I was composed and I didn't get flustered.  I was confident that I knew what I was doing with this kid.  If I had hauled off and slapped him the store would have been in a tizzy about that so clearly I was not going to win in this situation.  My child was not behaving perfectly, their glares had no affect on his powers and my thought was if we bothered them all that much they could let us move to the front of the line so they did not have to hear us any longer.

Had I left the store then his tantrum gains the power to control where we are at and any time he wants to leave said location he will remember that tantrums are a sure fire way to leave.  He was annoying but he wasn't a raging loo-loo, he wasn't endangering anyone and the store personnel had not asked us to leave.  Most importantly I was tired.  If he had been out of control like snot flying and people getting kicked then I would have left but my decision was to stay put.  Right or wrong?  Probably simply a matter of opinion.

This  has become a problem lately with Lil Bro.  I am hoping that it will pass and that I won't have to put forth a whole lot of effort.  That sounds bad.  Here's how I have been handling it.  The kids usually get a little treat of some kind in the dollar range for good behavior.  Lil Bro has not earned the treat lately, everyone else has.  I talk to him after the fact and ask him questions about what happened to ensure that it is all computing for him.  It is.  He is fully aware that he is being a toot toot and that does not earn a dollar piece O junk.

Any thought filled feedback is welcome as always.  Say what ya need to say!

Braving the Drizzle

We had a relatively normal weekend. Hooray for us!

We had our appointment with Dr. Psychiatrist on Friday, he adjusted Miss M’s meds slightly elevating one med. She has grown a bit since being on this med regiment for the past 10 months.
Miss was very RADtastic this weekend bringing out all of her passive aggressive Chinese water torture drip drop drip drop Lord give my strength behaviors. But she never raged or even tantrumed so we just keep on keeping on.

She is in that mode where she isn’t much fun to play with if you are another kid. She is having a real hard time making the right choice right now, and is having lots of perceptual problems as to what is really going on with sibling interactions. It seemed like a lot of attention seeking in the form of attempting to get the other child in trouble. She did not go about it all that swiftly however since the adult was present (in the same vicinity) and clearly observed the goings on and the fiction as well. But there was nothing earth shattering and she did not blow up even when she was over reacting so … that’s progress, again.

Mr. did well overall but did fail to earn one Wii time for becoming aggressive. He and Miss do not want to feel that they are being denied access to Mom but I do have to go to the potty at times and Nan is completely with in her rights to say, “No you will not go in there while Mom is in the potty.” But he got the train back on the tracks and did great otherwise.

Lil Bro got a fat lip at the park. He was running up the slide and lost his footing and BAM! busted his lip. Thankfully we know someone that lives right next to the park and so we ran over there for some ice in a baggy. The lip was bleeding significantly, as they tend to do, but a baggy of ice and a pop cycle later we all were able to move on.

Since that wasn’t enough excitement we decided to take the crew to the beach for the afternoon and since we are the Loo Loo’s and yes Smokey the bear died the night before the day I (as a toddler) was supposed to get to see him, it rained. It was a drizzle kind of annoying rain and so we went to the beach anyway because once we set these ‘no likey change’ kids in motion it is not a good idea to change the plan if at all possible.

Here are some pics from the day, pardon the occasional fuzzy spot on the pics they are rain drops.

Here I am braving the drizzle.

Longing to be out there with Dad surfing.

The smile is not reaching her eyes today.

Nan keeping watch.

Silly boys! 

Beach Bums 2010

Crack crack cracking up!

Mr. had himself a meltdown freak out last night and in the process cracked Nana’s thumb when she tried to help Mama out. I have explained to just stay back, I’m okay and I have learned to keep my fingers away from him (after he cracked my pinkie earlier in the winter.) Poor Nana! She is so worried that he is going to hurt me she just can’t help herself.

As kids get bigger it certainly does get trickier to handle their physical attacks. Mr. is a solid 65 lbs at this point and strong as an ox, especially when he is in that state of mind.

In part the start of this thing was my own stupidity. I got lazy. I know that he has behavior reactions (aggression) to food dyes and in particular yellow # 5 and #6 and red #40. I ran out of the clear benadryl and so I gave him the red benadryl doubting once again whether this food dye thing was real or just my imagination.

Note to self – it is real and please stop giving the kid the stuff on occasion when you run out of non-dyed whatever and are too lazy to drive down to the Pharmacy which is a ½ mile from your house. Over and out.

In addition the kids toe nails needed to be trimmed. His big toenails were putting holes in his socks, it was time. He has sensory issues, which truly make this an unpleasant experience. I respect that. He also does not like haircuts but he has learned to get through it because it is something that must me done. I explained that I was only going to cut the big toe nails for tonight, heaven knows it would be unthinkable to do all 10 nails at once. He really gave me a fit about it and likely that was exacerbated by the red dye #40 but I didn’t think of that at the time. I persisted in needing to trim the toenails and we did get it accomplished but he got himself mighty worked up in the process and he proceeded to freak/flip out. It was dessert time and he proceeded to demand that I get his dessert in a most not nice way. I told him I would be happy to get his dessert as soon as he decided to ask respectfully. I think he would have rather severed his own arm than ask me respectfully at this point. He refused, he screamed like a crazed banshee, “Get me that dessert NOW!!!” His brain flipped over to kill mode and he was looking to do harm and harm he did do, but we survived. And Mommy had a refresher course in Red dye #40.

Mr. had to see the ENT on Thursday and he will be having his adenoids out in 3 to 4 weeks. That should be interesting. He has never had surgery and if toenail trimming is not your thing I am imagining prep for surgery is not going to be your thing either. Blood draws are … eventful experiences so an IV is probably going to be … challenging. It usually takes 4 or 5 adults and a burrito wrap to accomplish a blood draw for Mr. I wonder how many people an IV will take? Ah memories. We will be a making them.

Dr. ENT asked me if Mr. had ever put anything up his nose. Not to my knowledge. I asked Mr. to which Dr. ENT said, “He’s not going to tell you.” He said I’d be surprised what he finds up noses. I’m sure that I would be, it isn’t a subject I had devoted even one second of thought to before this moment I can assure you. Happy hunting.

photo by Nasa - Eye of God

Proud Not Poop'd

If you have a happy dance it would be just fine to bring it out now! Miss came home with clean pants Thursday!

I had her sit on the potty before she left out for school to see if she could take care of business and sure enough she did. I reminded her to go before she went outside at school and that would help her keep her pants clean and her butt hurt free.

When she came home with clean pants you would have thought we won the lottery. We were doing our happy dance and high-fives were at work and Miss earned 20 minutes of computer time before homework. Worth playing for? I think so.

She did well overall on homework and Mommy praised her all up and put a sticker on her paper. It is amazing the difference in the work she does at home with me and the work she does in class. Hey what do I know; I’m just the Mom.

Now on to this morning … Miss made the choice not to earn riding to school with Nan and the other kids. She treated Nan badly with mean words, a nasty attitude, and bullying and that does not earn riding to school with Nan, so Dad needed to take her to school. She was not happy about the situation and she expressed that in the form of a tantrum. She pulls out a level of drama that is seriously making us consider acting as an option for Miss. “I am begging you, let me ride with Nannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.” And the dramatic tantrum award goes to … Miss M!

So while we had ourselves a clean pants party yesterday I am not so sure we will be repeating that today. I am thinking an angry little girl just may decide to fill her pants today.

Backstrokes In A Tantrum Typhoon

What is going on here? This child is doing the backstroke into her old ways with alarming speed! We are all scratching our heads as to why?
Sunday was just as challenging as Saturday. Miss tantrumed about anything and nothing. Didn't want to get dressed, undressed, bath, play this not that, etc. etc. etc. everything is a BIG HAIRY DEAL.

She did not get physically aggressive with any person, which is good improvement over the past. I must keep focusing on the areas of improvements! But she is all about trashing property right now. She did not want to get a bath yesterday and she had her black dress shoes on. The wall took a beating and after her bath she did a bang up job restoring the wall to pre-scuff mark state. Hey while your down there go ahead and clean that dusty baseboard, good job!

After the big blow up she was extremely calm, almost passive. She also seemed very remorseful in her demeanor. She asked to go to bed early? Maybe she felt that was a way to be "good"? I don't know. What I do know is that it is discouraging or maybe just sad.

The kids are out of school today and Miss went to day camp. They were going to a place called jump up which is a giant bounce house basically. That should be good for her all the way around so hopefully we will see an improved spirit in her today. I wish that I could make it go away for her, for all of us. sigh.

A different but similar thought - last weekend The Hubs was putting up the tent. Did I mention that he has planned a family vacation, which involves camping in a tent? That's in June folks so I will have plenty to say on that subject, stay tuned. Anyway there are polls that come with the tent and our pit bull who is now 1 year old and who we have had since she was 6 months old was completely terrified of the polls. She is never afraid of anything. She would run behind Mama and hide. It was pretty obvious that she has been beat with a poll. And just like that my pit bull had a "trigger" that sent her back to her life before us. The Hubs tried to show her the poll was safe and that he was not going to hit her with the poll and despite her obvious trust in him and wanting to comply with what he was telling her (to come to him) her brain knew that the poll could hurt her and she was frozen with fear.

It reminded me of the kids and how so many different and sometimes really subtle things trigger flash backs. Being cold is a trigger for both of them. I knew when I first met Miss that she had been used to soothing herself to sleep when she was cold. She would always scrunch up and rock herself like she was cold, that's how she went to sleep. And Mr. lived in a creepy cold institution so no shock there that he would not like being cold. I know no one likes to be cold but parents of traumatized kids can relate to what I am saying here. This is a strong emotional reaction to being cold. For Mr. he becomes desperate to get to me and he keeps stating, "I'm cold, I'm cold." But he trusts that I am going to help him get warm.

Miss has more of a fight response to being cold because her damaged attachment tells her that I won't help her get warm and she becomes angry. In reality I've never allowed her to be cold. She has more clothes than anyone in the house, sweaters and jackets galore, I always remind her to take her sweater when we leave the house even in July in FL because she will get cold in the AC at some point. She has bucket loads of blankies and slippers and her most favorite robe, which she calls her "snuggie", but none of that matters in the moment when she is cold. Not that I can't say it has improved over time because it has but it is still present.

Trotting with Trepidation Toward Tantrum Town

Schoolgirl Dorothy Gale lives in Kansas, but dreams of a better place "somewhere over the rainbow."  - Virgin Media . com

Yeah so Miss is pretty P.O'd about that Chinese food apparently. The morning was filled with tantrums and even verbal rage. She did not get aggressive which is good. But things like getting dressed to go outside in cold weather was a "trigger" for her this morning. I love how the mental health community throws around that word. Well lets see some days the "trigger" would be that Mean Mom would not allow her to eat the entire contents of the gummy vitamin bottle. This is not PC but sometimes in the Loo Loo house on bad days under our breath to another adult we might say something like, "Sometimes crazy is just crazy, kay?"

Anywho, she seems to be in a down mood or depressed state right now. After months of her fingernails growing out nice and pretty she has bitten them all off again, she is pinching her face again and leaving marks, and she is pulling her hair. These are all things that we see when she is experiencing anxiety and depression, that and tantrums let us not forget the tantrums.

Something at school is bothering her. I am not sure what yet. Maybe just all the love stuff going on during the week at school this week. She is complaining about certain kids again. It is hard to know. I have to maintain this balance of being available to her but not letting her feed me full of stories about school either. I try to have the policy of letting school handle school stuff but that isn't always easy. She legitimately has a hard time understanding reality. In her reality when she does something mean to another child and then they tell on her THEY are the mean one for ALWAYS TELLING ON ME. She feels totally hurt and betrayed and afraid and angry when in reality she was wrong wrong wrong all along.
Thanks to Jeri for the positive feedback on the last post. Truly the things we have learned have come from both the Attachment Therapist and the Certified Behavior Analyst. This guy has been an amazing gift. He has never once told me to put up a stick chart lol! We do use tracking systems for specific behaviors though.

We had spoken with Mr. CBA about Miss earning consequences for her yucky behavior. She has the snarly mean way of talking to her family, aggression, trashing belongings, and general disrespect that would not be tolerated from the other kids. It is difficult because she doesn't care about something enough to motivate her behavior. Mr. cares about that Wii time. But Miss cares more about feeling that she is getting her fair share of whatever, not the whatever itself. She has openly admitted that she is jealous of Mr.'s earned Wii time, likely because she views it as him receiving attention.

She likes a few computer websites like Littlest Pet Shops more so than the Wii. So ... with the stinky tantrums that were flying today Mom informed her that she had failed to earn her computer time. That was not a hit with Miss and so she had herself another tantrum.

It is kind of funny how the other kids know how to ignore her tantrum and move on with their own activity. We give her a few minutes to putter out or take herself to her room and if she doesn't do either of those and is escalating then she is directed to her room where she may banshee scream from now till the cows come home if she so chooses. Miss was not going to get her act together so she was directed to her room with the option that Dad would take her if she could not go on her own. Dad had to take her. Block and redirect technique was used and then she got control. He stepped away but stayed close. She was mad as a hornet and just not in a good place mentally. When I was able to go in we talked. (see yesterdays post)

I have learned (with the help of Mr. CBA) that I have to wait to go in until she is calm. Sadly when she is enraged my presence is like gasoline on a raging fire. I am able to be more involved during a tantrum than before so we are working toward a point where she can tolerate my handling her during a tantrum, she isn't there yet. But on the RAD parenting note I am the one that does the greatest majority of care giving and loving nurturing Mommy stuff with her and she can tolerate that stuff now without sabotaging it with inappropriate behavior. In fact she seeks it out/initiates it.

When we were able to talk I asked her if Mr. had behaved like she did would he have earned his Wii time? She said no. I asked would it be fair for her to behave that way and earn computer time. She said yes. I said let's try that again. She admitted that no it was not fair for her to earn a privilege for behavior that other children would not earn a privilege for. No she doesn't really believe that, she believes that she is entitled to what she wants and that when the universe does not comply with her wishes the universe is mean. But at least the message is being presented.

She did not tantrum the rest of the day so we must have hit upon something good somewhere. Either that or she was done anyway. Ha

Temper Temper

So we have had a few boo boos here in Loo Loo Land this week. Mom has been sick and Miss and Mr. are never okay with change and with Miss my being sick seems to stir up abandonment fears. So that would equal behaviors. I have not been a little sick I have been really sick which makes it that much worse. My allergies went nuts 2 weeks ago and I have been struggling to keep my asthma under control. On top of that I picked up the crud from the kids and so I had totally lost the battle against my asthma, could not breath and had to get fixed up with some steroids (which I hate!)

Yesterday Nan took off work early to drop me off at the doctors so that I didn't have to drive. She was in warrior mode I guess because she insisted on driving me and loading up the loo loo crew instead of just keeping them at home and letting me go on my own.
She was a Nan with a plan. She dropped me off and then took them to Wendy's for dinner - the drive threw. We had a video on in the van so why on earth would you get out and unload them? Miss decided that she, "Wants to eat insidddddddddde!" (insert banshee scream)

Nan passed out the food but kindly and lovingly told Miss that it would be A okay if she wanted to wait to eat when we got home since she did not want to eat in the van. Miss decided she would be okay to eat in the van. They picked me back up after getting some gas and that was the extent of the behavior.

Both Mr. and Miss are having problems with their adenoids. Thank you universe. Miss had her tonsils out at 3 and they should have taken her adenoids out as well but the thought is that they have grown back at least in part. Mr. has never had tonsil or adenoid surgery and the Pediatrician says his are bad. We are waiting for the ENT appointment. Happy happy joy joy. Anyway, the Ped started Miss on Singular. I gave her one and the following day she had a tantrum. I said, right we will wait until she is feeling better and try that Singular again and see what happens. One week later - I gave her a Singular last night. Tantrum today, guess what she is not going to take anymore.

About the tantrum - Today the kids were all picked up a little early from school by Dad. Mom was sick. They went to Wal-Mart for???? I dunno. Dad decided he would pick up dinner while he was there, frozen lasagna. Miss announced, "No I don't like lasagna!" which is not true and to which Dad replied, "Knock it off, yes you do like it." FIRST clue that things were not right with Miss.

They came home and she was moody and I thought well good let's go ahead and get the tantrum out of the way. But no, Big Sis asked Miss if she wanted to play a bored game and she did so tah-dah receiving attention from Big Sis won out over the moody blues. A while later Miss exited the room and looked to be 'on the prowl' as we call it. Think of a pacing caged tiger, someone's going to get it now who's it going to be?

Nan was starting to make DINNER and since Miss likes to help she directed her to come and help make dinner. No, she did not want to. Dad directed a second time to help. No not going to help and stomped to her room. Okay then. I asked Big Sis to help and she does. Miss comes out of her room and wants to play on the computer. You were given a directive and you did not do as you were asked so you will have to help out before you do the computer. NO! I don't want to help with DINNER! And she commenced hitting Dad.

I gave her the directive to take herself to her room because she was hitting or Dad would help her to go. She was not getting it together so Dad picked her up and took her to her room. The next few hits were diverted with the block and redirect technique (block the hit and turn the child around and direct them to where they are supposed to be). In her case she is directed to the bed because that is where she feels safe and has comfort items and can begin to calm herself down. She quickly got control and Dad walked out of sight but a few feet away. She trashed the room and screamed and yelled but she stayed put and with in 10 minutes started to calm down. When she was calm I went in for our talk.

What made you mad?
I did not want to help.
You usually like to help and you are a good helper so why didn't you want to help this time?
Because I didn't.
Does your teacher ever as you to help?
Yes.  She ask me to hold the door and I do it.
Do you get angry that she asked you to help?
No.
When the teacher ask the class to clean out their desk.  Do you like that?
No. (face is saying how come you know my thoughts)
Do you get angry?
No.
Why not?
I might be embarrassed.
Oh so you might feel embarrassed if the kids tease you if you have a tantrum at school?
Yes.

So let's talk about what happened before the tantrum at home. Dad picked the kids up from school and you all went to Wal-Mart. You said you didn't like Lasagna, but you do like Lasagna. What was that about?
But I didn't get my Chinese food at school.
Why not?
Because Dad picked me up early.
Oh, so what could you have done about that?
Told the grown up. (learned response)
What could you have told the grown up?(blank face equals no clue)
Okay so you were in the frozen foods with Dad and he was trying to figure out what he could fix you guys for dinner because Mom is sick and he is helping out. What kind of food do they have in the frozen foods?
Lasagna.
What else?
Chinese food.
Bingo! Could you have told Dad that you did not get your Chinese food at school and that you felt disappointed about that?
Yes.
What could you have done then?
Ask Dad if we could get Chinese for dinner.
Bingo! Good job!
Did getting angry fix what you were disappointed about?
No.
Did you use hands for hurting or for helping?
Hurting.
Who did you hurt?
Dad.
What do you want to do about it?
I want to tell Dad I'm sorry.

So she told Dad she was sorry and he thanked her for saying that and then she picked up what she had trashed and then she helped with dinner and then she played with play-doh. She also brought her lotion to me later and asked if she could put lotion on my feet. I thought that was really nice. Then she said she better put some on her feet because they "stank".  :-)

Now let's move on to Mr. Still doing well overall. He has his earned Wii time down pat. Being very time oriented helps in this area. He zips on and zips off at the right time.

As is typical with kids with ADHD homework can be overwhelming to him. Not really the work itself because he isn't struggling to do it but the organizational task of sitting down and doing the work. I help him by organizing his homework book for him (eventually he will progress into doing this too but he isn't there yet). He knows what assignment is for which day and he knows that he does not earn his 3:30 Wii time until the work is done. He flew through the math homework Wednesday night but he did several of them wrong. So I had to have him sit with me to correct them. It wasn't hard, it was easy to fix and I was helping him. He still lost it and in the process stabbed me with his pencil. Not cool. And the 3:30 Wii time was not earned because he became aggressive and used hands for hurting.
He was a train wreck. I stayed calm and kept my voice tone quiet and calm. I directed him to his room so that we could work on calming down. Miss is ahead of him in this area in that he is not successful yet at calming himself but he can calm down if Mom helps him. We went to lay on his bed and wrap up in a blanket. He calls it, "Wrap me up like when I was a baby in Russia." They swaddle the babies to help keep them quiet and this is what he likes to have done (pretty typical for a person with ASD).

He has been doing a good job at expressing how upset he is with himself for behaving aggressive. He thinks he is bad. So I was able to comfort him and remind him that everyone makes mistakes and that he made a mistake when he stabbed Mom with pencil. That does not make him bad, he just made a bad choice. Because he is comforted by what he learns from the bible we talked about the example of Peter and how Peter made lots of mistakes and even cut a guys ear off once (not that that's okay) but Jesus loved Peter and gave him special privileges even though Peter made mistakes. He liked that and seemed to get the point.
His behavior has been good the rest of the week. It is hard for him to deal with disappointment and change and frankly not getting things his own way but he has done better the past few days with not acting out with aggression.
He has been extremely affectionate and wants lots of hugs and cuddles from Mom and Dad. He has been writing really sweet love notes to us too. Good stuff!
** The photo is of Mr. in 2006 (age 3 1/2), pretty clever use of a baby link.

Psychiatrist Appointment

Today we had our visit with Dr. Psychiatrist, we also had Mr. CBA join us as this was his regularly scheduled time any who. Didn't do that on purpose but it worked out well.

Mr. is STRUGGLING. He has little to no frustration tolerance; we are trying to get his meds adjusted to help the poor child out. At the same time we have gone back to basics with behavior and he is on a earning program for his scheduled Wii time (the thing that motivates him at the moment). If he becomes aggressive then he does not earn his next Wii time. He wants the Wii time so he is trying really hard to not become aggressive. This is priority #1 because he has the physical ability to hurt the Mommy.

This morning was not a good morning for Mr. He has decided that school should be all done, he's done. In order for his 7 am Wii time to start he must get dressed for school so his dilemma was that he did not want to go to school and he felt oh so strong about this but he did want his Wii time so which way would he go? 5 minutes before he walked out the door he finally got dressed and got those last few minutes of Wii time.

Afternoon pick up from school was fine; he had already completed his homework so that was a plus. 3:30 Wii time was earned. 4:15 I had to pack up the troops, pick up Miss M from aftercare and head to the Psychiatrist appointment. This all went well, Miss M came b-bopping along happy as a lark and the drive to the office went well. We arrived and went right on back at 5 pm with Mr. CBA in tow.

So it was Me, Big Sis, Lil Bro, Mr. C, Miss M and Mr. CBA piling into the doctors office. Within the first 30 seconds Mr. C and Big Sis want the same little people animals that are in the room and Lil Bro grabs his crotch and announces, "Needs to Pee!" Dr. Psychiatrist thanked him for the announcement and Mr. CBA offered to take him to the potty (yes the man is officially family at this point). And so Mr. C demands the little people animals and Big Sis is not willing to relinquish all of them in fact she only wants to relinquish the ones she wants to relinquish and so there was that noise that two fighting cats make and Wham-O Mr. scratches Big Sis who quickly scratches him back and begins crying as if her arm has been amputated. I say, "No fighting over the toys" and Dr. Psychiatrist says, "If there is anymore fighting over the toys which includes yelling and hurting the toys go away. Does everyone understand?" Silence. "Does everyone understand me?" Happy hyper Miss M yells out, "I understand!" Dr. Psychiatrist says, "Great Miss M understands does anyone else understand?" They all say yes.

He looks at me and is noticeably flustered and says, "And so this is your life." I said, "Yes it appears that you get to see them in all their glory."

By this time Mr. CBA and Lil Bro return from the potty followed by the Hubs and Nan who have both arrived. Yes that is a lot of people in a little office room. Mr. is pacing the room with his jaw set and the other kids are playing with the toys in the room. The psychiatrist tries to talk to Mr. and he is uninterested and avoids the conversation. Mr. has never engaged the psychiatrist in conversation. I mention that unless the conversation is of interest to him he doesn't want to participate. The psychiatrist talks about Mario Brothers game (interest button has been pushed). He says, "How many Mario Brothers are there?" So Mr. answers and they have a short conversation. He talks to CBA about his input and he confirms the aggression and the "behavior shaping" program that we are on with Mr.

Miss M was happy and hyper which is a far cry from the child she used to be during these visits. He looks at her in amazement of how far she has come from the child that would be screaming and attacking her Mom and so on.  When she wasn't playing with the toys she was up on my lap given me hugs and chit-chatting.

So we arrive back home and put dinner together and fill Mr. CBA in on the week. He and Mr. go for their talk and Mr. keeps wandering out of the room and on one of the wanders he says, "Mr. CBA seems be much nicer today." It was hilarious because he said it right in front of the man and we all burst out laughing. Mr. was confused as to what the laughter was about.

He unraveled at bedtime because he had trouble leaving the project he was working on. He was very angry and grabbed and pulled my hair. I took his hands in mine and warned him that he would not earn his morning Wii time if he continued to be aggressive and then I walked away from him and directed him to bed. He followed me to his room but he was not in a good way. He was so frustrated that he began to attach himself. He scratched his face and arms and started pounding himself with his fist. I took his hands in mine and used a low tone of voice and said, "Mom is going to help you, you are going to be okay." And he said, "You hate me because I am bad." I said, "You are having trouble right now but I do not hate you and I am going to help you." He crawled into my lap and cried. Not long after that he got into bed and did fall asleep quickly.

See ... Loo Loo Land.

Wrangle Um In

So we have been on a good run here lately with Miss M, lots of good healing to report.  But she is also a person that deals with Bipolar and the nature of the illness is such that stability does not last indefinitely even on the right meds. 

She had done well through out the day with lots of good effort on her part but her mind seemed distracted a lot.  She struggled with her facial expressions and seemed aware of it and seemed to be making an effort to work through it, impressive for a 6 year old. 

As her attachment has deepened she seeks approval from her family.  But the course of the day was such that all 3 of the oldest kids had their various struggles and the demand for attention inevitably collided.  Last night at bedtime Miss M asked for help getting her PJ's on.  I said for her to get started and I would come and help her.  Another child came to me at that time with a scratch that needed ointment, which I could not find anywhere in the darn house.  Why do people refuse to use my categories and put things back where they belong? 

In the midst of me helping child #2 Miss M asked Nan to help her dress, Nan did.  Then Nan gave the directive to brush teeth, Nan went to help.  At the same time Nan removed the headband off of Miss M's head and viola - unprovoked RAGE.  Her brain left the building in a nanosecond, Dad had to put her in a hold (first time in 4 months), and I still could not find the darn ointment for child #2.

Dad only had to hold her for 3 to 4 minutes and the entire episode only lasted for 15 minutes.  Her brain began to return to her and she used the calming techniques she has learned.  I went in and we talked about how that could have gone differently.  She did not want to brush her hair (no one was planning to brush her hair) and we discussed how she could have used her words to explain that she did not want to brush hair or that she wanted to wait for Mom or whatever was bothering her.  We talked about what she choose to do, get angry.  I asked her how that worked out for her and she said, "Not to good."  What could you have done, "Tell the grown up."  Good one. 

In reality her brain is just not working well at the moment.  As I have said before the Chihuahua Chico is our own personal service dog and has unsolicited training as a seizure dog apparently and when Miss M's brain chemicals are off he will not go near her, he will not let her pet him, he will not come when she calls him, etc.  Guess who is avoiding Miss M like the plague this Sunday?

Not to worry she will get the train back on the track shortly I am sure.

Mr. is making improvements.  His CBA and I had a long talk Tuesday about where adjustments could be made.  We all recognize that Mr.'s brain is not on track at the moment either, but it is getting better.  Since Mr. is VERY time orientated we decided to make his earned Wii time on more of a set time schedule instead every ___ hours.  There are set times for the school week and set times for weekend days or time off from school.  Mr. is getting right with that program. 

He has become very combative as he has become a little older, both verbally and physically.  Our first plan of action is to extinguish the aggression.  So he does not fail to earn his next Wii time as long as he does not use hands for hurting.  If he uses hands (or body) for hurting or destroys property the next Wii time is not earned.

We are making progress.  He did give Mr. CBA the wango-tango Tuesday night.  Mr. CBA had to get Mom to come in, he has NEVER done that before.  It isn't that Mr. CBA can't handle Mr. on his own but he is seeking the most effective way to help him and at that moment it was Mama.

Mr. does not like conversations that he does not start or that are not of interest to him.  His little friend at school might start a conversation about Mario Brothers and that will be fine and great because that interests him.  But overall if he didn't start the conversation he is not interested in it.  So Mr. CBA's teaching talks about when we can't get our own way and not using aggression are really not of interest to Mr.  He feels like he has had the talk, he knows the dialog, time to move on.  Wrong.

The kids are off from school tomorrow so send up an extra prayer for the Loo Loo Crew!

The WHAM-O

Monday we went to the park to meet Mr.'s BFF "J", you may recall they are in the same class together at school. BFF "J"s Mom has been studying the bible for a while and is going to be getting baptized soon. She also works at the boy’s school. Needless to say this friendship is a good thing. BFF "J" is Mr.'s lifeline socially at school. Can I request that they be put in the same class again next year? I will be looking into that.

Mr. had done fair in the AM before our 1 PM play date. Big Sis has had her BFF "I" here since Sunday and that is a stressor for Mr. He is very much like all younger siblings in that he wants to be included in the friend group and the girls do include him and Lil Bro some but at the same time they want their friend time with no little ones. This is where it gets tricky. Mr. has extremely literal thinking as a person on the AS. And his fury is the same as if I tried to convince you that the sky is indeed pink despite the fact that you see it as blue. If I persisted in the fact that the sky is pink and you need to accept that at some point your dander might get up and you might want to punch me for my non-sense idea. Granted that hopefully you have the maturity and self-control to walk away and not punch me but you would likely want to. It's kind of like that for him for A LOT of things in life. His literal thinking tells him that the way he sees it is the correct way, the end, period, that's all folks. Add to that a brain that is chemically not right at the moment and viola - THE WHAM-O!!!
So yeah I was dealing with the wham-o from 3 PM to 6 PM yesterday. Dad made it home at 5:30 PM and assisted with the wham-o. The CBA called at let's say 5:27 PM and could hear Mr. carrying on the wham-o, apparently he was near by and considering coming to assist when he saw Dad drive past with a purpose and announced that "Reinforcements are on the way, I see Dad!"

I have it on video, some of it, so CBA can review it Thursday. Needless to say we have a call in to Dr. Psychiatrist and are awaiting the call back. I have reduced the ADHD med back to what it was before the increase in dose, as that clearly is not cutting it. We shall see what Dr. Psychiatrist says.

We did have a grand old time at the park, pre WHAM - O.

Lil Bro taking on the slide.

My crew including BFF "I".  (Miss M was at Day Camp)

BFF "J" looking over Mario Brother cards with Mr.

Winter in Florida - coats, hats and flip-flops?

On Thriftiness

So today stunk big time, it wasn't as bad as Friday but it wasn't good and Dad still had to be called to come home to rescue me and I am still sick of being the punching bag for children in my home. I will be totally honest that I feel like whining that it is not FAIR that one kid is finally getting her act together in terms of aggression and someone else wants to kick it up a notch. I have totally been having a why me pity party in my head.




But for now I choose to share something else about myself. My thriftiness has reached new levels.

So I bought this shampoo at Toys R Us for $3.00.

But I thought it doesn't work any better than the Suave in fact not as good and it is twice as much but the girls love the cute bottle.  No problem I will just switch the shampoo and keep the bottle only this cute bottle is totally rigged and I can't get the top off.  But no way was that going to foil my plan.

The hole is also more tiny than usual; it is as if they knew what my plan was going to be. So tiny in fact that my tiny funnel would not fit. So as you can see I rigged a straw apparatus with the funnel and commenced operation shampoo swap. The Suave shampoo was too thick to go down the funnel but I didn't stop there. I added a little water, just a tiny bit and VIOLA the bottle was filled.

The evidence was disposed of and they are known the wiser.

That's right Mr. Thomas the Tank Shampoo you are next my friend!

Now I will pay $5.00 for the baby bubble bath that does not irritate their skin because I can't find a comparable for less.  But it's day will come you can be sure.

How Long Is Winter Break?

Well Winter Break 2009 is off with a bang! Mr. C has been on a slippery slop lately and yesterday he flat out crashed and burned. He had A 3 HOUR TANTRUM. I had to call his Dad to come home from work because I could not handle him physically. He becomes so strong during these episodes. I am battered and bruised and my finger may be cracked or something. It seems messed up at the joint.

He damaged his closet door so badly that it has to be replaced. For whatever reason it became a kicking board at one point.

I contacted his psychiatrist and he has altered his ADHD med dose. His attention and focus have not been good in the last week or more and he has had a few minor struggles in school as well. From what his teacher shared they seemed focus and attention related.

After 3 hours of tantruming once he finally came back down to earth I was drained. I had a good cry that exhausted overwhelmed kind of cry. Apparently this made an impression on Mr. C. We had a detailed discussion again about how violence is not acceptable and how his actions are called "assault". He made a sincere effort today to do nice things for Mom. He had better control over his frustration level, I don't know if that is the med dose change or what. This med has an immediate effect, not accumulated like other types of meds.

I kind of got back to basics with him too. We stuck with a more rigid schedule today. Not only did his behavior choices determine if he had earned Wii/Computer time but I made a sign in sheet. He could choose 15 minutes of time every hour or 30 minutes of time every 2 hours. He stuck with 30 minutes every 2 hours. I directed him to engage in lots of positive brain activities, always with a few choices to pick from. He likes to destroy things, knock things over and what not especially the more agitated or frustrated he is. Knocking down block towers with cars is acceptable; destroying your room is not. So one of the first activities he choose was building with blocks and knocking them down.

He also did a lot of drawing today and asked to play with the leggos. He never got into the play-doh today but that will probably be of interest tomorrow. Although he had a lot of difficulty choosing what he wanted to do and getting started once I got him started in the play he took off from there on his own. Lil Bro joined him often and they did well together.

My girls did FABULOUS yesterday while Mom dealt with a 3 hour tantrum. Nan has been home sick with Shingles, horrible virus just AWFUL! Poor poor Nanster not even the Snuggie has saved her this time.

She is on meds for the virus and the nerve pain. The up side to this was she was feeling a little more human yesterday and was an extra pair of adult eyes to monitor the other Loo-Loos while I dealt with Mr.

Because they had done so well yesterday, Miss M never piggy backed on brothers bad behavior and Big Sis was helpful overall, so they got a day out with Dad. They headed out with him to a job he had to do and from there they had lunch and went to see the new Princess cartoon. He also took them on a hike.

Miss M was dealing with lots of emotional triggers today but she bounced back quickly each time.

At this point Winter Break seems Longgggggggggggggg!

Thanks to my Sister-In-Law for this funny!

Day 4 on the RAD planet W.O.D. (without Dad)

Well I must say my little RADish is holding her own and doing quiet well behavior wise. She seems to be going through a bit of a down cycle bipolar wise at the moment - eating more, more difficulty sleeping, more moody and tearful which are some key things we were able to pin point with all the tracking we did. She is handling it all well and right in the mix of missing Daddy. She was feeling sleepy because it was bath time and she no like a da bath. I assured her it would be a quick one and just kept her moving forward. I put the bubble bath under her grumpy nose and said, "Doesn't that smell good? Bubbles or no bubbles in the bath tub tonight?" It is kind of humorous to watch her try to hang on to being grumpy and fight the fact that her brain is truly interested in what you have presented to her - BUBBLES!

Dad called from Hawaii, you know that place that is just up the road where he seems to be getting a lot of work done. She got to talk with him for a minute and that helped her move forward too.

Mr. C however is still in I'll be a butt thank you mode. He was belligerent and defiant with Mr. CBA and it took Mr. CBA an hour and a half to get his brain turned around and going the right way. He threw things at this man and refused to cooperate. This guy is good. He is persistent and calm and they always get to where they need to be.

We know that Mr. C has a food dye allergy. The reaction is that he gets hostile and aggressive. Those darn things are really difficult to stay away from. Even though he makes a really good effort sometimes something slips by at school and he eats a piece of candy with dye in it. Yep, one piece and he reacts.

So last week he wanted to put on a Mario Brothers sticker tattoo. I was against it because it has the dye in it. He was upset and felt he never gets to do what the other kids do because of the dye thing. I felt bad for him and said we would try it but that if his behavior went bad then never again with the tattoos. Once those dyes are in his system it takes days to work it's way out. I forgot that he was even wearing the tattoo but now I am considering if the tattoo and the dyes have had anything to do with his behavior.

Lil Bro has been doing great the past few days which is nice. Apparently it must be a Murphy’s Law that at least one kid has to be in be a butt mode, remember that on our trip it was Lil Bro's turn and Mr. C was doing well.

Big Sis is doing well all in all. She is still emotional with Dad not being here but seemed more with it today. Her homework load this week has been light which helps too.

Dad is missing everyone and said he is ready to come home.  I said, "Now that's love!  Almost 16 years of marriage, you are in Hawii and after 4 days you want to come home?  Man you have got it bad!  Which is good!" 
 
Mahalo!
 

Snaps!

We had a cold snap here in FL this past weekend.  Monday was still a little chilly but things are coming back to normal [temperature wise] for the rest of the week.  But this picture of Big Sis is so darn cute.  She over reacted just a tad with the cold snap!

Apparently she thought our house was going to convert into an igloo.

Little Bro on the other hand does not want to wear long pants or long sleeves or that stinking coat! He will however be happy to be seen sporting this attractive winter hat which he so lovingly refers to as, "Hey dat my hat. Gimee dat my hat."

Monday morning I had to return the Rug Doctor that we rented Sunday to wash the carpets with. All of the bedrooms have carpet and they take a beating for sure. Anyway it was cold, cause we still be snappin as of Monday, yo. Mr. Man was NOT going to put on the appropriate clothing and I was on a deadline. I had to have the darn machine back by 9 am or we paid for another day. I had not scheduled a toddler meltdown nor had I allotted the proper amount of time for said meltdown.



And since we have an abundance of Grandmother types roaming the streets shopping at Publix, where I had to return said Rug Doctor I knew that if I showed up with this tiny little 3-year-old wearing shorts and a T-shirt with this lovely winter hat then I was with out a doubt going to catch some flack. So what to do? No time for the toddler take down where I wrestle winter clothes on to him and he rips them off proclaiming Noooooooooo with all the passion of Mel Gibson’s battle scene in Braveheart. At which time I am even further out of time AND I now have a toddler wearing Nada.


I did the only logical thing.  I carried the long sleeves and long pants that he was supposed to be wearing in my hand at all times like a GET BACK GRANDMA force field.  So I load up this Rug Doctor into the back of my Mom mobile while loading Lil Bro into the Mom mobile and I am buckling his car seat and he says to me.  Are you ready?  You know it's coming.  He says, "It cold out here Mom!"  You bet buddy, let's roll!

Myself and Lil Bro lug the Rug Doctor into Publix and make it to the return counter with no bullying Grandma interventions hang ups.  Check in is a breeze.  We head out of the store.  ALERT!  Grandmother straight ahead.  She gives me the look and starts to approach when she looks down at the CLOTHES IN MY HAND and says to herself, "Oh, okay."  My force field totally worked!

Apparently when it's cold outside we all get alittle more cuddly too.  Are they cute or what?

Today Stunk!

The med thing is going badly with Mr. Carter. I am not happy to see him in this state NOR to deal with him in this state. It is impossible to get everything done that must be done around here with an out of control kid. I am mentally exhausted and frankly ready to hurl because of this med-a-coaster we are on.

The med started at 50 mg. 2 days in it didn't look good. I called Psychiatrist he said to move to 100 mg. ?what? But I am just the Mom not the doctor. 1 day of that was enough thank you very much. Called Psychiatrist who said lets skip Tuesdays dose and Wednesday go to 25 mg. Wednesdays behavior with no med dose Tuesday was improved, at least aggression wise. Thursdays behavior NOT GOOD. We are DONE with this med cause Mama says so!

Thank goodness Miss M is holding it together at the moment. Take a number cause it is not your turn to flip out yet, K? She did apparently sneak some gum into camp today in her backpack for swimming. That little planned back fired because another camper stole the gum and of course Miss M saw it. Reported it. Cried about it and was right upset about it as I understand the situation. Camp teachers (who apparently have Miss M's number at this point in time) said they were sorry that happened and the gum taker was addressed however Miss M you are not supposed to bring gum to camp. BUSTED! So yeah that whole scene pretty much ticked her off.

This happened early on in the day. Apparently camper "sticky fingers" moves quick. When Nan picked Miss M up at 5 pm she was all upset relating the situation to Nan. Camp teacher was a little surprised at this because that was all taken care of and had not bothered Miss M all day. Both parents at separate times had the exact same response "then they don't know Miss M very well." At any rate her and Nan got some Micky D's for dinner because I let Nan know there was no way Miss M was going to handle Mr. Carter's stuff well tonight. Our plan worked. Miss M did okay. Mr. Carter not so much.

But ... Tomorrow is a new day. That Annie song "the sun will come up tomorrow" is playing in my head. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow ...

Med-a-coaster ...

get me off this thing!!!

Well we are doing the med-a-coaster ride with Mr. C at the moment. As I posted before this new med does NOT seem to agree with Mr. C but we trust our Psychiatrist completely. He got us to stability Miss M and it was a longgggggggggggg and UNPLESANT road, but we got there.

Monday Dr. Psychiatrist upped the med dose. NOT a good reaction. Tuesday was a very rough day. Called Dr. Psychiatrist and he said no med dose Tuesday and for Wednesday give Mr. C half the original med dose. None of us feel this med is going to be the ticket but we have to explore it from all options (dosing wise) to know that. Not the most pleasant thing for Mr. C or his family/punching bag.

Yesterday he blew loose 30 minutes before the CBA was supposed to arrive. I had to call Dad who happened to be close by to come home. Mr. C is very strong and my back is on shaky ground at the moment as it is, but that's another post. Dad arrived at 5 pm and Mr. C was going strong. Dad directed him to his room because he wasn't being safe. Dad helped him get there. Dad dodged flying objects and helped Mr. C stay put until Mr. CBA arrived at 5:10 pm. By 5:20 pm Dr. Psychiatrist called with the new med instructions and Mr. C was beginning to calm down. NOT becoming pleasant by any means but no longer explosive. The rest of the evening was a challenge but Mr. C went to sleep at 8 pm.

Miss M is on her good week in the BP cycle. We like this week. She is cooperative, happy as a clam, okay so she is picking her shoes apart at some point during the day at camp but we aren't asking for perfection here. I really can't say what the clothing destruction thing is, I am not in that head of hers. Remember that in Kindergarten she got into the habit of cutting up her clothes with scissors. This is the second pair of shoes that she has destroyed. I just get out my needle and thread and sew them up. I don't buy her expensive shoes so that it is not a huge problem and this too shall pass. I found a great pair of adidas girl shoes in Miss M size at the goodwill. They will be her starting back to school shoes. Those adidas are pretty sturdy so I hope to slow the shoe destruction process.

There are things that we take the opportunity to learn responsibility. Poop in the pants at age 6 is one of those things. A little vinegar water and a scrub brush and we clean our underwear that we pooped in. Not a big deal, just taking responsibility. But making an issue of each and every odd thing back fires with an attention seeker who does not properly discern between positive and negative attention. We learned that the hard way.

Camp Mom - Week 7

Oh how time flies when you're having fun!

This week at Camp Mom we had Vivian's friends over one after the other. They did great but Mr. Carter was having a multitude of struggles and was horrible. At one point Nan and I had to physically remove him from the pool. The other children were huddled on the other side and he was the offender. Yeah, time to get out.

The psychiatrist took him off his current med since things are going down hill. We will see what is to come on that note.

We did our usual Library and grocery shopping bit. Played in the pool obviously.

This weekend was our district convention and Grandma came to visit and help hold down the fort.

(Grandma with the Grandkids, even the fur baby!)
It went well given the make up of our group. Okay so Mr. Carter had an autism melt down where he proceeded to hit and bite his father with on lookers. We were wedged in the middle of the row and just could not move him because when you pick him up in that state he is going to hit, punch, kick and so forth and everyone around would have taken a hit to the head. Any who... after that he made a recovery and did okay. I mean how well would you do with a mega med coming out of your system, 10000 people around you, lights, noise, and the autism spectrum?

We feel spiritually refreshed despite it all!