Pre-School Graduation

Thursday Lil Bro graduated from Pre-school. It was a grand old time and a big to-do for the little ones. Miss is at Grandma’s for a visit this week and so we did not have her stuff to deal with which made it really nice.

As we were leaving a funny thing happened. One of Lil Bro’s classmates is Chinese. His family moved here to the sunshine state. He and Lil Bro were fast friends. Mr. Man, who is of Korean heritage, saw me talking to this little boy and his Mom. And having Asperger’s means he tends to be awkward in social settings but he is interested at times in making a social effort. This was one of those times. Mr. man walks up to us and says to the five-year-old Chinese boy, “Hey I’m one of you guys too. So …” I didn’t really wait for whatever might be following so. I just took over the conversation and said that this was Mr. Man and it was so nice talking with you blah blah let’s get the heck out of here.

With Mr. Man’s literal thinking it is at times a real benefit. It seems in regards to adoption and being adopted this way of thinking has helped Mr. Man. He knows that he grew in another tummy and he knows that he is part Asian and that Mom and Dad aren’t. He is fine with all that. It is kind of like here is the person that drives me home on the bus and here is the person who’s tummy I grew in. They are all people with a job and he is fine with that. He asked me why he grew in someone else’s tummy and not mine and I simply said, “Because that is where you started out at. If you had started in my tummy you would have grown there but once you start in a tummy you have to stay there until you are ready to come out, there is no changing tummies.” I was winging it but that answer totally made since to him and he was happy with that.

It was the same kind of answer for the why am I Asian and you aren’t? Because the person who’s tummy you grew in was Asian, you get that from her. Made since and he was fine with that. For him there is no question that I am his real Mom that this is his real family that Big Sis is his real sister. Once when Miss screamed at me that I wasn’t her real Mom anyway Mr. was totally offended by that. He said, “You are the real Mom, she must be trying to make a joke.” That is how he explains anything that does not make since to him, jokes don’t make since so it must be a joke.

Dealing with his issues has been so much easier because of that natural parent child love that exists between us. Having to deal with a child’s issues who are also constantly sabotaging the relationship is very very challenging.

Love and support to all those who are doing the job daily!

Ummm? Life As We Know It

Our bath time pass earning program seems to be crumbling a bit.  It has lasted longer than we ever anticipated it would but for a week now Miss has failed to earn a bath pass because she tantrums and has to start the earning all over.

Last week I received a note from teacher that Miss was "off task" several times which translates to acting up in class.  e.g. Can't keep our hands to our self, making noise outburst during class to receive attention, etc.  This week I received a note that Miss was kicking other students during recess.  She came home that evening and proceeded to tantrum about Mom checking her homework.  Let me clarify this because maybe your mind is saying that she did NOT want Mom to check the homework.  Quite the opposite with my attention seeker.  She knew it was ALL done wrong and so she would need to redo it and that would set her up to have a tantrum.  Mom didn't play along but instead took one look at the ALL wrong homework and said, "Since Mr. Behavior Guy is here tonight I think it would be awesome for you to go over this with him and if there are any changes he can help you make them."

That did not sit well with Miss.  She screamed, "NO!  YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME!!!"  I tried not to feed attention into the tantrum.  A few minutes later I suggested that if she did not like how her homework looked she might want to take a minute and make some changes before she and Mr. Behavior Guy went over it together.  She screamed, "NO!  YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME DO MY HOMEWORK RIGHT!!!" 

I explained that I needed to work on my laundry at the moment but that Mr. Behavior Guy was happy to help her.  That did not work out so well, at first.  She would not go for Mr. Behavior Guys attempts to move her away from the door to where I was doing laundry.  She was giving the door a beat down.  Interestingly the door was not locked, she could have come after me but she did not.  In the past she would have. 

He asked her to help him find the homework paper that he didn't see it etc.  She said, "OH GIVE ME A BREAK YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS!  I AM NOT COMING OVER THERE!"  Then she continued on with the door beat down.  He finally had to let her know that she needed to move to her room to calm down and that either she could go on her own or he would help her.  She would not go and so he proceeded to pick her up and take her to her room.  She would not let it go and proceeded to attack him.  He had to put her in a hold.  The Hubs was not at home and I can not handle her during a rage.

I think part of what is making Miss angry right now is that she was manipulating the teacher pretty well.  Miss had figured out that recess time on Thursday was walk and talk and that she would participate whether she did her homework or not on Wednesday night.  Every Wednesday night she would not bring some component of her homework home which meant that she could not complete her assignment.  I e-mailed the teacher that this was going on and it would seem that Mrs. Teacher got back to enforcing her own rules.  No homework, no recess time.  I am completely okay with this rule because Miss is a very active child and so she is getting all the physical activity that she needs.  On Thursdays she has cheer squad at school and then soccer practice in the evening.  Add to that non-stop motion and she is covered in the physical activity department.

Mr. is working on "Using Nice Words" to express his needs. 

Lil Bro is sick again and on antibiotics.  He has a sinus infection that has turned into a double ear infection.  It has not slowed him down in the least.  He has surgery scheduled for March 29th to have his tonsils and adenoids removed.  I am worried but know that it is necessary. 

Big Sis is holding steady as the "easy one".  Schooling at home is going well.  This week she was able to have an outing with some other friends who also school at home and they went to a veterinarian office for a tour.

I get to be the assistant soccer coach by default.  The other parents who said that they would do it puttered out.  Go me!  I have unofficially diagnosed one player as being on the autism spectrum and he and I do fine together.  And another player seems very ADHD to me.  He and I keep busy when he is on the bench by crowing like a rooster.  Whatever works!  Lil Bro is a great little player when he is paying attention, he is often distracted.  The little girl on the team is quiet and shy but she loves attention from the coach.  And then we have one natural little soccer player who had never seen a soccer ball before this season but he is doing awesome. 

I doubt that we will get suckered into coaching in the future but I must say it has all gone well thus far. 

Life as we know it ...

I have not felt like blogging lately. My thoughts have been scattered and my mood has been low. I just had that “as good as it gets” pity party going on.

Things have not been in crisis mode, which I should be thankful for. My daughter continues to be stable and my daughter continues to be a pain to live with. Some how crisis mode allows me to feel more positive than everyday pain in the butt mode does. And then I feel ungrateful.

The month of February was filled with I don’t want to take a bath and I hate homework rages. We handled the rages, everyone stayed safe. Then the behavior therapist suggested a bath pass earning program. I turned away as my eyes rolled up in my head because seriously I was not feeling the bath pass thing. We have be done so many things to accommodate a child who struggles with behavior problems at home but not at school that I literally felt done accommodating. I wanted to dig my heals in and say no more! When you are dirty you get a bath period because you are seven and that is the Mommy’s call to make. I tried to put on a good face but I was resentful that yet again we have to figure out some way to get this child to do what everyone else here is doing with out accommodations, including a child with Asperger’s and a four year old.

But … I sucked it up and went with the suggestion and it is working. Everyday that Miss has no bath tantrum or homework tantrum she earns a check on the board. Three checks in a row and she earns a bath pass card which she can use when she chooses. She cannot use the pass if she has poop in her pants. If she has earned one or two checks and has a tantrum then we start all over again, it must be 3 checks in a row. When she uses the pass we right pass on the board but it does not count as a check. In three weeks she has only had one tantrum regarding homework or bath. I should be thrilled and I do act thrilled to her but inside I am resentful. I am resentful that it takes this kind of effort to get such simple things accomplished. I should not be I know and I’m working on it.

Right now we are working through “due process” with the school to try to get our son’s IEP labeled correctly. Right now it is a language based IEP. His “language exceptionality” is based in his Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis of Asperger’s. We have brought this up for years and been brushed off. So we are now working with an educational advocate and hope to make progress, time will tell.

Mr. had a surgical procedure, nothing major, but his recovery took longer than expected. He missed a good bit of school because of it and he discovered upon his return to school he could say that his surgery site bothered him and that he would go to the clinic and Mom would come pick him up. So we had to address that issue.

His anxiety at school has been increasing and he wants to be at home with Mom. I am flattered and happy that he is most comfortable at home but he still has to go to school.


It’s Soccer time and Lil Bro and Miss Fabulous are both playing soccer now. The Hubs was recruited to coach Lil Bro’s team. There are 6 four and five year olds on the team, two of which are prone to crying when they don’t score a goal. They are cute as can be and the Hubs is doing a great job with them.

Miss started out strong and confident at her first practice. Second practice the coach tried to give her instruction as to how to kick the ball correctly and that was not a big hit with her. She went into passive aggressive mode where she missed every ball that came her way and only gave the appearance of participating but really was just kind of bopping around in the general area. I asked her what she thought of coach and she said that she could not understand him when he spoke. I told her to just do what he was showing her to do and she didn’t need to worry about understanding his words. As we know she is a very visual person and the coach was giving very good instruction visually, despite his accent.

So we hope that she will continue to be willing to show up to practice with out a bunch of boo-who. The evaluator who worked with her last spring recommended soccer to help Miss be a part of a team where the attention is not focused on any one person and you win by supporting the team.

Sometimes and Mostly

Insanity:  doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  Albert Einstein
I hear ya Albert, we have had some of that ourselves around these here parts.  For instance certain ones don't like getting a bath, they have a tantrum regarding said bath, they therefore fail to earn dessert and they still have to take the bath independently.  They understand these facts completely but yet they continue to carry on in the same way repeatedly with the belief that things will be different this time. 
All in all we are stable. 

1. Tantrums have been just that and not spiraled into rage outburst.
2. Homework is a hassle but that's life.
3. Sometimes we choose to do our best on school work and sometimes we don't.  Sometimes is better than never.
4. More often than not we make good choices.

Do I, the Mom, think underlying issues are resolved?  Probably not, but I also think that will be a long time coming if ever.  But we are doing as well as one would expect with the alphabet soup that is our life!  Go team!

And now I share some hope inspiring thoughts for the day...



* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, And some days you're the statue.


* Always keep your words soft and sweet, Just in case you have to eat them.


* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.


* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it.


* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.


* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.


* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.


* The second mouse gets the cheese.


* When everything's coming your way, You're in the wrong lane.


* Birthdays are good for you.  The more you have, the longer you live.


* You may be only one person in the world ... But you may also be the world to one person.


* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.


* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.

Some have weird names, and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.


*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.