The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Temper Temper

So we have had a few boo boos here in Loo Loo Land this week. Mom has been sick and Miss and Mr. are never okay with change and with Miss my being sick seems to stir up abandonment fears. So that would equal behaviors. I have not been a little sick I have been really sick which makes it that much worse. My allergies went nuts 2 weeks ago and I have been struggling to keep my asthma under control. On top of that I picked up the crud from the kids and so I had totally lost the battle against my asthma, could not breath and had to get fixed up with some steroids (which I hate!)

Yesterday Nan took off work early to drop me off at the doctors so that I didn't have to drive. She was in warrior mode I guess because she insisted on driving me and loading up the loo loo crew instead of just keeping them at home and letting me go on my own.
She was a Nan with a plan. She dropped me off and then took them to Wendy's for dinner - the drive threw. We had a video on in the van so why on earth would you get out and unload them? Miss decided that she, "Wants to eat insidddddddddde!" (insert banshee scream)

Nan passed out the food but kindly and lovingly told Miss that it would be A okay if she wanted to wait to eat when we got home since she did not want to eat in the van. Miss decided she would be okay to eat in the van. They picked me back up after getting some gas and that was the extent of the behavior.

Both Mr. and Miss are having problems with their adenoids. Thank you universe. Miss had her tonsils out at 3 and they should have taken her adenoids out as well but the thought is that they have grown back at least in part. Mr. has never had tonsil or adenoid surgery and the Pediatrician says his are bad. We are waiting for the ENT appointment. Happy happy joy joy. Anyway, the Ped started Miss on Singular. I gave her one and the following day she had a tantrum. I said, right we will wait until she is feeling better and try that Singular again and see what happens. One week later - I gave her a Singular last night. Tantrum today, guess what she is not going to take anymore.

About the tantrum - Today the kids were all picked up a little early from school by Dad. Mom was sick. They went to Wal-Mart for???? I dunno. Dad decided he would pick up dinner while he was there, frozen lasagna. Miss announced, "No I don't like lasagna!" which is not true and to which Dad replied, "Knock it off, yes you do like it." FIRST clue that things were not right with Miss.

They came home and she was moody and I thought well good let's go ahead and get the tantrum out of the way. But no, Big Sis asked Miss if she wanted to play a bored game and she did so tah-dah receiving attention from Big Sis won out over the moody blues. A while later Miss exited the room and looked to be 'on the prowl' as we call it. Think of a pacing caged tiger, someone's going to get it now who's it going to be?

Nan was starting to make DINNER and since Miss likes to help she directed her to come and help make dinner. No, she did not want to. Dad directed a second time to help. No not going to help and stomped to her room. Okay then. I asked Big Sis to help and she does. Miss comes out of her room and wants to play on the computer. You were given a directive and you did not do as you were asked so you will have to help out before you do the computer. NO! I don't want to help with DINNER! And she commenced hitting Dad.

I gave her the directive to take herself to her room because she was hitting or Dad would help her to go. She was not getting it together so Dad picked her up and took her to her room. The next few hits were diverted with the block and redirect technique (block the hit and turn the child around and direct them to where they are supposed to be). In her case she is directed to the bed because that is where she feels safe and has comfort items and can begin to calm herself down. She quickly got control and Dad walked out of sight but a few feet away. She trashed the room and screamed and yelled but she stayed put and with in 10 minutes started to calm down. When she was calm I went in for our talk.

What made you mad?
I did not want to help.
You usually like to help and you are a good helper so why didn't you want to help this time?
Because I didn't.
Does your teacher ever as you to help?
Yes.  She ask me to hold the door and I do it.
Do you get angry that she asked you to help?
When the teacher ask the class to clean out their desk.  Do you like that?
No. (face is saying how come you know my thoughts)
Do you get angry?
Why not?
I might be embarrassed.
Oh so you might feel embarrassed if the kids tease you if you have a tantrum at school?

So let's talk about what happened before the tantrum at home. Dad picked the kids up from school and you all went to Wal-Mart. You said you didn't like Lasagna, but you do like Lasagna. What was that about?
But I didn't get my Chinese food at school.
Why not?
Because Dad picked me up early.
Oh, so what could you have done about that?
Told the grown up. (learned response)
What could you have told the grown up?(blank face equals no clue)
Okay so you were in the frozen foods with Dad and he was trying to figure out what he could fix you guys for dinner because Mom is sick and he is helping out. What kind of food do they have in the frozen foods?
What else?
Chinese food.
Bingo! Could you have told Dad that you did not get your Chinese food at school and that you felt disappointed about that?
What could you have done then?
Ask Dad if we could get Chinese for dinner.
Bingo! Good job!
Did getting angry fix what you were disappointed about?
Did you use hands for hurting or for helping?
Who did you hurt?
What do you want to do about it?
I want to tell Dad I'm sorry.

So she told Dad she was sorry and he thanked her for saying that and then she picked up what she had trashed and then she helped with dinner and then she played with play-doh. She also brought her lotion to me later and asked if she could put lotion on my feet. I thought that was really nice. Then she said she better put some on her feet because they "stank".  :-)

Now let's move on to Mr. Still doing well overall. He has his earned Wii time down pat. Being very time oriented helps in this area. He zips on and zips off at the right time.

As is typical with kids with ADHD homework can be overwhelming to him. Not really the work itself because he isn't struggling to do it but the organizational task of sitting down and doing the work. I help him by organizing his homework book for him (eventually he will progress into doing this too but he isn't there yet). He knows what assignment is for which day and he knows that he does not earn his 3:30 Wii time until the work is done. He flew through the math homework Wednesday night but he did several of them wrong. So I had to have him sit with me to correct them. It wasn't hard, it was easy to fix and I was helping him. He still lost it and in the process stabbed me with his pencil. Not cool. And the 3:30 Wii time was not earned because he became aggressive and used hands for hurting.
He was a train wreck. I stayed calm and kept my voice tone quiet and calm. I directed him to his room so that we could work on calming down. Miss is ahead of him in this area in that he is not successful yet at calming himself but he can calm down if Mom helps him. We went to lay on his bed and wrap up in a blanket. He calls it, "Wrap me up like when I was a baby in Russia." They swaddle the babies to help keep them quiet and this is what he likes to have done (pretty typical for a person with ASD).

He has been doing a good job at expressing how upset he is with himself for behaving aggressive. He thinks he is bad. So I was able to comfort him and remind him that everyone makes mistakes and that he made a mistake when he stabbed Mom with pencil. That does not make him bad, he just made a bad choice. Because he is comforted by what he learns from the bible we talked about the example of Peter and how Peter made lots of mistakes and even cut a guys ear off once (not that that's okay) but Jesus loved Peter and gave him special privileges even though Peter made mistakes. He liked that and seemed to get the point.
His behavior has been good the rest of the week. It is hard for him to deal with disappointment and change and frankly not getting things his own way but he has done better the past few days with not acting out with aggression.
He has been extremely affectionate and wants lots of hugs and cuddles from Mom and Dad. He has been writing really sweet love notes to us too. Good stuff!
** The photo is of Mr. in 2006 (age 3 1/2), pretty clever use of a baby link.


Jeri said...

Dawn, do you realize that you have a RADtastic triad? Or, Quad? I'm talkin positive RADtastic in that, what other grandmother would know to sweetly deflect a big meltdown and put it back in the lap of the child? What other big sis would know to divert that same child by giving her attention (in addition to the simple fact that big sis is just so wonderful anyway)? What Dad would know how to adjust physically to deflect? Now, add wheezing, sickly you who still was able to talk through to Miss in order to get her to verbalize her fears and how she could have chosen to address them, giving her the ammunition she needs (and the heads up for ya'll) to handle it better next time. Go team Loo Loo!

Mom 4 Kids said...

Thanks for the positive feed back Jeri! You bet I realize we have a RADtastic Quad here in loo loo land. On top of that my Grandparents have been able to provide respite from time to time so Miss has only ever been at home or with them. Their age is starting to limit this but it has been a true blessing.

Hugs to you!