The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Q TIP

I am finding this post kind of swirly in my head but I'll try to be coherent.

When Mr. Man was in his wonderful pre school class there was a sign on the wall made out of cotton swabs that said Q TIP.  I asked what it meant and the teacher explained that it was their reminder to "quit taking it personal."

Clearly that's an easy thing to understand but over the years I have had a much harder time accepting that phrase.  I have learned the roll of the therapeutic parent and I think I do okay for someone that never had a back ground in psychology or social work.  But my Mommy heart still takes it hard when my kid screams that I'm not her real Mom or that she wants her real Mom.  Or when she is a raging ball of fury and I can't fix it. 

Quit Taking It Personal

But somewhere inside I wrestle with what haven't I done?  Where have I gone wrong that I can't get her to truly accept that I am her Mom and that we are her family forever.  And the realization that this is how she sees things is even more difficult to accept.  More difficult to Quit Taking It Personal.

Tonight Miss Fabulous had a major rage.  She was screaming all kinds of things at her father who was helping her and she started screaming, "Mommy doesn't love me.  I love her but Mommy doesn't love me, she hates me!"  She said it repeatedly.

Once she was calm we moved a head with bath and afterward while I was doing her hair I asked what made her think that Mommy didn't love her.

Quit Taking It Personal

See my mind and heart had heard that she thought that I don't love her.  That wasn't the case at all, she is very clear that I do love her and that "You think I am pretty and sweet and special."  She said, "B___ my real Mom hates me."  I hate that real Mom term but it is her term and how she sees things at this point in time and so I can respect that, I know what she means. 

She explained why she felt that way, very simple and to the point.  And I got it.  The realization that her problems have nothing to do with me actually sunk in to my heart and not just my mind.  Quit Taking It Personal because it has nothing to do with you, I got it.

The rages over hair and bath and being told no and whatever else are not about me, about us.  Whoever the punching bag might be.  I got it.

Now I just have to keep remember it.

5 comments:

Molly said...

My boss (I work at a special needs summer camp) always says "leave your ego in the glove box. Don't bring it to camp."

By that he means, Q TIP.But often that is easier said than done. It's hard not to take things personally. We just have to keep reminding ourselves.

Cyndi said...

I fully understand what you are saying here. I find this difficult even though I have only one our of eight who sees the world this way.

GB's Mom said...

Q TIP- great idea! Miss M is making progress and the demon she is fighting isn't you. You are both on the same side. Sometimes, I need to remind myself,too.

The LaBelle Family said...

Nobody said it would be easy, did they? Hang in there, girlfriend, and Quit Taking It Personal! I'll try to remember that, too. I'm sorry the raging goes on. It's sooo hard to endure. I understand, believe me. I'll "say a little prayer for you", as Mama Cass sang years ago. Do you remember Mama Cass or are you too young? If you are, I don't want to hear about it, okay? I might just take it personal! LOL

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Oh geez, it took me to the comments to get the q t-i-p part, lol!

That is totally right, but still hard to manage. Genea has never said anything like that to me, it's not in her vocabulary yet. But my stomach just lurches reading about other Moms hearing it. I will probably vomit the day Genea figures that out and starts talking/ screaming about it.

But, I will quietly vomit in the bathroom with the door shut and go back out and move on!