Thursday cont. - Yikes! M had some definite struggles. V has chorus on Thursday afternoon so I take the other children to the park when the weather permits. Lately it has been so nice here, not to hot. M and C kept getting into disputes at the park. Their friend Sophia was there with her Grandparents so it was a nice little group. When it was time to leave they headed on to the car with no troubles but arriving at the car there were words over the water bottle and M's mood swung low at that point. She was irritated and not looking to make a come back. Bananas were smooshed, brothers hit, refusal to get in the car seat let alone put on the seat belt.
I had no time to indulge the tantrum as I had to get going to pick up V. So I closed the van door and made the appearance that I was going to drive off with M not in her seat. She started yelling "you can't do that I won't be safe!" I said "you are right so you best get in that seat and put the buckle on." She did and so I pulled back over to help her get the seat belt done. At which point she pimp slapped me.
By the time we arrived home 15 minutes later she was ready to rumble. She was just mentally not in a good place and so C being the quirky little guy that he is obliged her and pushed her buttons at which point she blew! I escorted the other 3 out to the backyard and locked them out of the house for safety sake. We have a burglar lock at the top of the sliding glass door which the kids can not reach. Prevents C from wondering but in these cases it also works to keep all in safe areas. M hit C really hard on the back before I could get them all separated. I called a friend who lives less than 5 minutes away to come for back up. She was very supportive. I also dispatched Nan to leave work, which she did.
That rage lasted an hour. But #2 quickly followed. She took her meds between the rages and so by the end of the second rage her med was kicking in and starting to help her. Nan was able to give her a quick bath and we put a movie on in her room and fed her dinner while she watched the movie. Despite all that she slept well last night.
Friday - M did okay this morning. C had a hard time getting it going but once he did he did great. V did okay too.
At 11:15 M had an appointment with her Psychiatrist. Nan and Dad were present too as was E but he was asleep so I guess that doesn't count. M refused to talk to doctor and she had told me on the way there that she was not going to, she never does. I told her that was fine, that she does not have to talk to him but that he is there to help her feel better.
So when we got there and he tried to talk to her she looked at me and gave me the "fix it" look. I just mentioned to him that she had explained in the car that she did not want to talk to him. He asked her if she wanted everyone else to leave so she could talk with him by herself. She said "NO!" He knew the answer but I think needs to put it in the notes that he gave her the opportunity.
Obviously the talking is more for the adults and today's session was so helpful to me. I have really been praying a lot lately for clarity. Every professional we have consulted with has said that we are not the cause of M's problems. I know that we don't mistreat her and so obviously how could we be the cause but the fact that she expressed this anger specifically at us and does pretty well everywhere else makes it hard to accept that we aren't the problem.
The explanation that the doctor gave was "you are the target of M's aggression not the cause. you are the target because she feels comfortable and safe with you so you are who she unleashes on. she knows you are going to love her anyway." Today it just really sunk in for some reason, I got the point.
He went on to explain that we did not get M until she was 2 and a half and that the first 2 years are so important in a child's development. They are learning to trust and so many fundamental things for being able to function as a person. He said that clearly M did not get that fundamental development and what we are experiencing are the "gaps".
We are still working on getting the behavioral analyst in the home to help us but it is so slow going. M is on a waiting list and they are "over run with cases". Whoopee! I wish I had the money available to just pay for what we need, but I don't. I have already been told (after they here what med she is on and what meds have not worked) "with a case like this she is going to need a maximum number of in home behavioral hours, aka not cheap.
I just need to keep reminding myself that we will get there, one day at a time.