The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Monday, February 15, 2010

Backstrokes In A Tantrum Typhoon

What is going on here? This child is doing the backstroke into her old ways with alarming speed! We are all scratching our heads as to why?
Sunday was just as challenging as Saturday. Miss tantrumed about anything and nothing. Didn't want to get dressed, undressed, bath, play this not that, etc. etc. etc. everything is a BIG HAIRY DEAL.

She did not get physically aggressive with any person, which is good improvement over the past. I must keep focusing on the areas of improvements! But she is all about trashing property right now. She did not want to get a bath yesterday and she had her black dress shoes on. The wall took a beating and after her bath she did a bang up job restoring the wall to pre-scuff mark state. Hey while your down there go ahead and clean that dusty baseboard, good job!

After the big blow up she was extremely calm, almost passive. She also seemed very remorseful in her demeanor. She asked to go to bed early? Maybe she felt that was a way to be "good"? I don't know. What I do know is that it is discouraging or maybe just sad.

The kids are out of school today and Miss went to day camp. They were going to a place called jump up which is a giant bounce house basically. That should be good for her all the way around so hopefully we will see an improved spirit in her today. I wish that I could make it go away for her, for all of us. sigh.

A different but similar thought - last weekend The Hubs was putting up the tent. Did I mention that he has planned a family vacation, which involves camping in a tent? That's in June folks so I will have plenty to say on that subject, stay tuned. Anyway there are polls that come with the tent and our pit bull who is now 1 year old and who we have had since she was 6 months old was completely terrified of the polls. She is never afraid of anything. She would run behind Mama and hide. It was pretty obvious that she has been beat with a poll. And just like that my pit bull had a "trigger" that sent her back to her life before us. The Hubs tried to show her the poll was safe and that he was not going to hit her with the poll and despite her obvious trust in him and wanting to comply with what he was telling her (to come to him) her brain knew that the poll could hurt her and she was frozen with fear.

It reminded me of the kids and how so many different and sometimes really subtle things trigger flash backs. Being cold is a trigger for both of them. I knew when I first met Miss that she had been used to soothing herself to sleep when she was cold. She would always scrunch up and rock herself like she was cold, that's how she went to sleep. And Mr. lived in a creepy cold institution so no shock there that he would not like being cold. I know no one likes to be cold but parents of traumatized kids can relate to what I am saying here. This is a strong emotional reaction to being cold. For Mr. he becomes desperate to get to me and he keeps stating, "I'm cold, I'm cold." But he trusts that I am going to help him get warm.

Miss has more of a fight response to being cold because her damaged attachment tells her that I won't help her get warm and she becomes angry. In reality I've never allowed her to be cold. She has more clothes than anyone in the house, sweaters and jackets galore, I always remind her to take her sweater when we leave the house even in July in FL because she will get cold in the AC at some point. She has bucket loads of blankies and slippers and her most favorite robe, which she calls her "snuggie", but none of that matters in the moment when she is cold. Not that I can't say it has improved over time because it has but it is still present.


aamayna said...

I just found your blog and thank you for being so open so others can learn. My daughter was adopted from GT at 13 months and had been institutionalized. While she does not suffer from RAD or other attachment disorders, she does have PTSD from neglect and we are entering therapy for it.
I look forward to learning from you (not a role you probaby ever hoped to fill, but you seem like a really great mom to these children. It is hard work but the rewards are more plentiful)

Anonymous said...

Could Ms' tantrums come from her allergies? If she'd needed Singulair and isn't getting it (and no, don't give it to her if it makes her worse -- google "singulair behavior"!) ... well, allgergies would have her immune system working hard, more inflamation ... be sure she's getting her Cs and Ds ... Is she taking something else? Zyrtec made me feel too weird, I had to stop it, but doesn't bother the rest of my familiy. Allergies elsewhere may even make any food sensitivies be more, well, sensitive. Or could it be as simple as an ear infection? I've got a kiddo who shows no physical signs, but he'll be really grumpy and we learned "He's been extra grumpy for days now, better take him to the doc."

The LaBelle Family said...

I'm so sorry the tantrums have returned. I've been away for a few days, so, haven't been reading until tonight... and, alas, things are going down the tubes again! I'm sorry, but, still admire your strength and commitment to this 'parenting' thing. It's a constant education, isn't it? Hang in there!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

ACK, we have the same thing going on. The BIG problems have not come back, but the little problems, dang. Every single little piddly incessant thing is back in triplicate lately. Though today was a great day, maybe we will go on the upswing soon.

J. said...

I hear you, we are swimming backwards upstream here too!Hang in there.

PWNort64 said...

I agree with others that there may be something else going on...especially with asking to go to bed early. When DS was on steroids for his asthma, I saw similar behavior...nothing would make him happy. Hang in there, you're doing a great job!