Friday, April 16, 2010
I charge for tantrums!
We know that Miss and Mr. are not going to go with out having meltdowns and outbursts but our goal is to teach them how to manage these outbursts acceptably when they occur. They have been taught over and over breathing techniques and self-calming techniques and where to go when they are losing control. Mom or Dad is always with them and helping them to remember what to do and in the process of being there for them we may just get whaled on a little.
These kids are getting older and bigger and there comes a time when they begin to have to answer to the law for their actions. Well in the Loo-Loo Household that time is now, I charge for tantrums! More specifically I charge for assault. The severity of the assault determines the amount of the fine. I am the judge and jury so I review every assault charge and determine the amount to be paid to the pain and suffering jar.
And for this moment/week it’s been working. I always know how much money each kid has. They have the opportunity to earn money here at home and sometimes grandparents send them money. The two offenders are ‘have a dollar spend a dollar’ kind of people but I am making sure that they have some money on hand.
If it is a situation of a more minor assault but the offender responded to block and redirect techniques and regained control then that would probably be a 50 cent fine. If things became violent and Dad had to hold the individual to keep them and others safe then that’s an automatic dollar fine.
The reason I came up with this is because there is not much that Miss cares about. It’s a really tricky thing when you don’t have a motivator that the person cares enough about to make the choice to change their behavior. One thing that Miss does care about is HER money.
Last Friday Miss had a moderate rage. She did become violent but she put a stop to it her self with out Dad having to hold her. She trashed her room and boy didn’t I wish those beads for making necklaces had been put back up in the top of the closet! But she picked every last one of those darling beads up and did a great job. When I sat with her about what assault had occurred she looked at me blankly because of our new word “assault”. I reminded her that it meant someone had been hurt. She said, “Oh yeah, Dad. I slapped him pretty hard a few times.” Gotta love the honesty, right!?
I said, “Okay, was there any kicking or punching?” She said, “No, I tried to kick Dad but I couldn’t.” Meaning she could not get to him to kick him. I said, “Okay well for slapping Dad you are going to need to pay 50 cent of your money to the pain and suffering jar and you need to give Dad a proper apology.” She said, “Is 50 cent two big coins?” I don’t know how but with a straight face I said, “Yes that’s right, two big coins.” She went in her moneybag and brought the 50 cents to Dad to put into the pain and suffering jar and she told him sorry with a big hug.
I don’t know how long this will motivate the troops but for now it seems to be helping them have prospective on assaulting their family members. Once there is enough money in the pain and suffering jar the adults will use the money for something relaxing.