The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Friday, April 16, 2010

I charge for tantrums!

This process of healing, moving on, maturing and so forth has a lot of twist and turns. And frankly sometimes you throw up a little, maybe that’s just me.

We know that Miss and Mr. are not going to go with out having meltdowns and outbursts but our goal is to teach them how to manage these outbursts acceptably when they occur. They have been taught over and over breathing techniques and self-calming techniques and where to go when they are losing control. Mom or Dad is always with them and helping them to remember what to do and in the process of being there for them we may just get whaled on a little.

These kids are getting older and bigger and there comes a time when they begin to have to answer to the law for their actions. Well in the Loo-Loo Household that time is now, I charge for tantrums! More specifically I charge for assault. The severity of the assault determines the amount of the fine. I am the judge and jury so I review every assault charge and determine the amount to be paid to the pain and suffering jar.

And for this moment/week it’s been working. I always know how much money each kid has. They have the opportunity to earn money here at home and sometimes grandparents send them money. The two offenders are ‘have a dollar spend a dollar’ kind of people but I am making sure that they have some money on hand.

If it is a situation of a more minor assault but the offender responded to block and redirect techniques and regained control then that would probably be a 50 cent fine. If things became violent and Dad had to hold the individual to keep them and others safe then that’s an automatic dollar fine.

The reason I came up with this is because there is not much that Miss cares about. It’s a really tricky thing when you don’t have a motivator that the person cares enough about to make the choice to change their behavior. One thing that Miss does care about is HER money.

Last Friday Miss had a moderate rage. She did become violent but she put a stop to it her self with out Dad having to hold her. She trashed her room and boy didn’t I wish those beads for making necklaces had been put back up in the top of the closet! But she picked every last one of those darling beads up and did a great job. When I sat with her about what assault had occurred she looked at me blankly because of our new word “assault”. I reminded her that it meant someone had been hurt. She said, “Oh yeah, Dad. I slapped him pretty hard a few times.” Gotta love the honesty, right!?

I said, “Okay, was there any kicking or punching?” She said, “No, I tried to kick Dad but I couldn’t.” Meaning she could not get to him to kick him. I said, “Okay well for slapping Dad you are going to need to pay 50 cent of your money to the pain and suffering jar and you need to give Dad a proper apology.” She said, “Is 50 cent two big coins?” I don’t know how but with a straight face I said, “Yes that’s right, two big coins.” She went in her moneybag and brought the 50 cents to Dad to put into the pain and suffering jar and she told him sorry with a big hug.

I don’t know how long this will motivate the troops but for now it seems to be helping them have prospective on assaulting their family members. Once there is enough money in the pain and suffering jar the adults will use the money for something relaxing.


GB's Mom said...

Great idea- very concrete!

J. said...

whatever works is a brillant idea in my books. Have a great weekend.

marythemom said...

We did something similar, but since the kids never had any money I had to do something a little different.

I gave candy to everyone who had to suffer through it (parents, siblings, neighbor or friends - anyone standing near by. It was a reward to the others for having to witness a meltdown.

Didn't work to stop my children's meltdowns (I was hoping they would stop out spite - not wanting other kids to get candy), but it worked for someone else's child.

Mary in TX

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

You always have to find the "currency" that works! (As the good doc would say.) It just so happens it's ACTUAL currency that's working. Props to Mom and Dad!!!! :)

P.S. Tell Miss that mom's blogging friends are VERY proud of her for her ability to calm AND clean up AND being genuine with her apology AND with telling the truth!!!!!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

I mean, it works on so many levels. You get chores done, you get paid, you get peace in exchange, the kid learns and so on. I found with Genea that she did well with a way to "pay us back" or make it up to us, when she had a rockin wango tango. She would do her nasty chore or whatever, then she was good. It was like it was a relief to her to be able to make it right in her mind.
I also did what Mary tried with the reward for those who had to listen to the tantrum, with the same results. Not good.

The LaBelle Family said...

Fantasmagoria!!! Great idea...I may have to steal it, albeit, for lesser offenses. :)

Mom 4 Kids said...

Yep, concrete and whatever works!

We are proud of Miss too, the honesty cracks me up!

PWNort64 said...

We are racking up chores that must be done above and beyond the expected cooperation. Right now, I am owed 20+ chores for various infractions. I collected a few this weekend by way of having the powder room floors, floorboards, and toilet cleaned. Other redeemable chores are washing down doors, sweeping patios, washing off appliances, and vacuuming the family room.

I like the "pain and suffering" jar and recommend that it's contents be spent on margaritas!