The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Monday, May 17, 2010

You are my best comfort!

Things continue not to be lovely with the Fabulous Miss M.  I don't think that she really wants her birth mom, she was just turning 2 years old the last time she was in her birth mom's care (and I use this term loosely) and she is just now turning 7 years old.  I don't think she has many concrete memories of her birth mom and I think the things she has remembered via flash backs are not good.  But I also think that kids with attachment issues and trauma history like to keep their options open, if only in their mind, and that disconnect factor means that she doesn't necessarily put it together that lack of care while with birth mom makes that a not good option.

She had a major tantrum yesterday and assaulted The Hubs.  She was banging on the sliding glass door because the other kids came in the house because she wasn't playing nicely.  She got mad that they did not want to play with her anymore but doesn't seem to check into the reality that they don't want to play with her because she is not being nice.  In her world she is simply being wronged and so she rages.  As my fifth grader says, "Question mark?"  Another question mark is why does she bang on the sliding glass door instead of just coming inside?  It wasn't locked and no one told her to stay outside.  My guess is the attention that she believes banging on the door draws.  I was taking care of the boys and their bath so the Hubs was handling her tantrum.  He directed her into the house because he wasn't comfortable with the door banging and was concerned she would hurt herself.

It all played out with in 20 minutes which is greatly improved from the hours this used to take. 

She had asked for grilled cheese at lunch but I was making a quick lunch and told her to choose something else.  At dinner I had more time and fixed grilled cheese.  She would not eat her dinner.  Question mark? 

She is back to pulling out some major retro stuff in the RAD department.  I'll be honest it makes me wonder how much has she healed and how much is a con artist at work that I fall for hook line and sinker?  It's baffling and disconcerting. 

But ... my Mr. has had some real up building comments for his Mama lately.  Today he said that his behavior guy was his buddy and then he said that Daddy was his best buddy and then he said, "but you are my best comfort Mommy."  I haven't found a way to bottle it yet but when I do I'll pass it on!


Jeri said...

I'm wondering if Miss M is preparing for the transition to summer time which opens up a whole new set of worries for next school year. I'm working in middle schools right now as a test administrator and it is so obvious that the count down is on. Just an idea. Hang in there.

GB's Mom said...

Jeri is right. This time of year has always been hardest for my kids. Before you start thinking you may have been conned, remember that with our kids, progress is uneven at best. Two steps forward,a step to the left and one step back! {{{hugs}}}

Lisa said...

Echoing Jeri and GB's Mom...

Please pass that bottle. :)

Mom 4 Kids said...

I hadn't thought about the school year ending affecting her. Thanks for that insight! I hope that is what it is.