The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Saturday, June 12, 2010

On being fair...

Life tends not to be, I've noticed.

In our brood of 4 we have 2 typical and 2 not as typical kids. The typical kids need to do typical things like have friends sleep over. Show of hands, who's eyes are rolling with me right now? I try to dodge that bullet as often as I can truthfully. But then there comes a time when it is time to man up Mom up and just do the right thing by my kids. I have lost complete control over the eye rolls and sighs at this point.

Today for lunch I served one kid a grilled bread sandwich. The kid was like, "Um Mom, um can I have some cheese on my grilled cheese sandwich?" Hello that is stressed out! I was like, "Oh so you actually wanted cheese on the grilled cheese sandwich? Oh, no problem. Coming right up." You know when a person slip trips and tries to act as if that did not just happen. It was somewhat like that. lol!

The kids played from 9:30 to 1:30 in the pool today. They had a quick lunch break and that was it. It is 7:25 pm and the 4 year old has not had a nap and is going strong. What's up with that? He should be ready to collapse.

This friend that was over is one of those situations where the kids get along really well but the parenting stiles are totally different. For example that Mom delivered her kid and my kid to me at nearly 7 pm and they had not been fed. I don't feel comfortable sending someone there own kid back at 7 pm and not have fed the kid. Maybe that's just me.

It is really kind of willy nilly over there and we can't and don't do things that way over here. Funny thing is, the kids want to be over here. Maybe it's the food. Or ... kids need structure to feel their best.

While the friend was over we had struggles with Mr. and Miss. Fabulous as they both are that is a given. Mr. is head first into the it'snotfairs and theyareleavingmeout I wantstoplaytoos while Miss starts out hanging back quiet and shy with near perfect behavior. If that lasted we would have a friend over every single day. I'd have them lined up around the block. It doesn't last and the down side is no fun.

So Miss had a rage in the pool. She never assaulted anyone which is awesome but verbally it was a rage. The banshee screams which non of our neighbors seem to care about where in full force. Big Sis says to the friend, "At this point she is attention seeking so what we need to do is just ignore until she gets her behavior under control." :-0 Okay there therapeutic sister, you rock!

As soon as Miss got herself under control Big Sis went and gave her love and a hug and she then rejoined the game. It was awesome!

We had another whale of a tale later on to the tune of "Mommy never comes back!" A bit delayed from last weeks travels (I am guessing) but we have made a point to keep Miss very distracted and busy this week. Maybe it helped, who can know.

In other news I have been meaning to mention that we did finally get approval for Miss M's testing. Yes I did say approval. Mr. CBA gave me the low down. They were concerned that Miss would attack the clinician during testing "given her history."

Honestly that was a bit surprising. Number one this university has a center dedicated to autism and in fact the autism center is where the psychology department is. Are they telling me they never get attacked over there? I doubt that.
But secondly Miss is stable and has been for months and I made that very clear. She hasn't even attacked the CBA in months. We already presented record of testing that we had done in Dec. and no one was attacked during that.

But most importantly she is 53 pounds and 7 years old and I wouldn't let her attend the testing packin' weapons, come on we that are not uncouth!

The whole thing made me laugh. This traumatized kid was very clearly just that, a traumatized kid. She refused toys and things to color with. She stayed close to me and chewed her fingers or picked her skin or fidgeted with her clothes. She clearly wanted to leave and she looked about as dangerous as a whipped puppy. But I guess once you attack social workers and finish the job by peeing on their floor and assault psychologist in your own home to the point they want to admit you to a psych hospital and your psychiatrist has a big fat file on what's up with you, and and and I guess any clinician in their right mind would have to consider that this kid that definitely seems to have some learning issues might possibly feel threatened during a testing session.

This is getting a little ramblingon at this point but ... I never knew that my parenting experience would be like this. I had visited this child every 6 to 8 weeks during a sixth month period before she was our daughter and came home to us and I thought I really and truly thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I had no clue.

I did not want to be a therapeutic parent. I would not have checked that box on an application to adopt. And yet here I am, doing what I can do and hoping it is enough to get us through.


GB's Mom said...

You are turning into an awesome therapeutic parent! Not too many people check the RAD box when looking to adopt a child. {{{Hugs}}}

The LaBelle Family said...

Yes, don't we have those kind of days? You're doing a wonderful job! Keep up the good work. You'll be blessed, for sure. Love and hugs coming your way! :)

J. said...

I am loving hte image of her heading to testing with weapons... lol. Hang in there you are an awesome mama

Mom 4 Kids said...

J. - I know, The Hubs said that we could pat her down in front of them if they would feel better. lol!

Thanks for the positive thoughts all! Love!