The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Twilight Zone Report Card Day

I am having a twilight zone moment.  I am hoping for clarification from other smart parents.

Over the past few weeks Miss has had notes sent home saying that she was off task many times through out the day, that she had "kicked some boys at recess" but Miss clarified that she tripped the boys first because they would not play with her and then she kicked them, and also there has been the whole lunch room thing which I mentioned in my last post.  Granted the teacher probably knows nothing about that since she is not with them during lunch.  But in addition she has work sent home WEEKLY that has to be signed (at the teachers request) because of the failing grade received.

Yesterday was report card day.  Mr. Man's was typical with good grades and a basic comment about him progressing well in second grade.  However, Miss Fabulous had a mind-blowingly fabulous report card to the point that I feel alarmed.  Unless you parent a challenging child that probably sounds really odd.  Here's why I feel alarmed ...

The child that we have in our home and family life does NOT make friends well.  She doesn't express truly caring for or connecting with people.  She can go through the motions of "getting along" when we have visitors but only for a short period of time and she often/usually rages after they leave. 

She recently said, "I love everyone!"  When I casually asked her what it means to love someone I could have just as easily asked her to explain nuclear fusion.  It was a nice thing to say and she understands that so she said it but she doesn't have a grasp on what it means.  Not even on her four year old brother's level.  He can explain to a person what love means in his four year old way and it is sincere and you can ascertain that he knows what loving someone is.  Even her brother with Asperger's Syndrome can clearly explain what loving his family means, despite being socially awkward.

At soccer practice we see the other 7 kids becoming a team and connecting with and supporting each other.  She doesn't seem to know how.  She smiles at the other kids in an awkward way and keeps to herself on the bench while she waits for her turn to go and play.  When they perform activities that are to promote team effort she gives half effort and it is clear to anyone watching her.  When it is about her she tends to go all out.  Not that this is surprising or life ending but I'm painting a verbal picture so that you can empathize with my Twilight Zone. 

With our congregation she is aloof and disinterested or she puts on a fake awkward smile and attempts to make nice when people approach her.  She is disconnected from the children her age.

With her siblings she truly struggles with interaction.  She either seems to watch from the outside looking in or she sabotages group interaction.  When she interacts positively with a sibling it is always one on one.  Even with the professional behavior therapist here she is going to "attention seek" by getting upset and crying and stomping and pouting or by getting angry.  Last week the CBA had to put this child in a restraining hold because she flew into a rage because I directed her to review her homework with the CBA instead of meeting her demand that I go over the homework. 

However, these are the remarks from Miss' report card - "Miss has been working hard on trying to do her best on all of her work.  She needs to slow down and take her time when doing all of her work.  She is such a great helper to all of her classmates and they all love her.  Keep working hard Miss!!!"

As a parent a person should read that on a report card and be thrilled but I live in the Twilight Zone on report card day.  Out of 28 categories on the report card Miss received 20 OUTSTANDINGs and 8 SATISFACTORY marks. 

Accepts Responsibility for own actions and
Respects rights and property of others and
works and plays cooperatively Miss received OUTSTANDING and part of the reason I live in the Twilight Zone on report card day is because I don't think tripping and kicking others at recess classifies as OUTSTANDING.  Apparently the teacher does?  She seems really sane so I don't think so but it makes me ask why?  Why does this teacher and ALL of Miss' teachers omit reality on report card day? 

Mr. Man received 16 OUTSTANDINGs, 10 SATISFACTORY marks, and 2 NOT DEMONSTRATED CONSISTENTLY marks for Writes legibly and Solves subtraction problems.  And he has an above average IQ according to the school's testing.  He definitely responds well to the structure and predictability of school routine and is better behaved at school than at home to a point but he isn't a completely different person. 

I am considering meeting with the teacher and the speech/language pathologist and asking them for examples of her OUTSTANDING positive interaction with peers and friends.  I am truly blown away and would like to present the professionals that work with Miss in real life examples of what the school is talking about verses the examples of what we see in family life.

What do you think?


Barb G said...

I can't speak for your daughter, but when our son is in a full-blown RAD session, he does great at school. It's like he has to balance his fear and rage for us with how well he can appear to others. Since he has begun healing, he has had more situations at school, where they can see his fear and anger. Excepting the kicking other kids, maybe in the classroom, she's giving all she's got, and there's nothing left over for you guys and church? That's what happens with our son. I'd ask for examples. This could simply be that positive mumbo-jumbo that some teachers hand out, deserved or not.

GB's Mom said...

I am so sorry you are back in the twilight zone with Miss. After living there for all of first grade, I just could not go back there again. GB is now in a class of high functioning, neurologically impaired students. Most, not all, of them are autistic. This class uses social stories and practices interacting everyday. GB loves school and the teacher truly *gets* her. My newest little one, Hope, just turned 5. Her only diagnoses is RAD. We agreed to start her in a 1:12:2+2 class. It didn't work as the teacher was missing most of her behaviors. After several months of meetings and agita, Hope is now in an 1:8:2 class. It is working much better. at least they are looking at the same child I see everyday.

I remember the twilight zone; I just don't live there any more. {{{Hugs}}}

Cyndi said...

That is RAD for you. Our kid with these issues was doing the same thing until this school year when she reached seventh grade and is at a new school where the teacher was willing to take the RAD information I gave her and she is seeing this kid for what she really is. The kid is actually happier with this plan since she does not have to sneak around. At first she was a real awful mess though.

deborah said...

Would it be feasible to send someone outside your family (someone that Miss doesn't know) to observe her behavior at school, perhaps even video tape for you? It would be hard, but, Dateline does that sort of thing all the time. You'd think it would be allowed? Anyway, I'm with you on wanting to know what's really going on there. Definitely do something to find out. Call a meeting with the teachers. Call the school board and ask them why teachers hand out good reports regardless of the truth. I understand your confusion and will be praying that you find some answers and soon!!

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

Oh golly! Twilight zone sucks. We're having a hard time with it here too!

J. said...

bard and GB said it for me, sounds like RAD , goog luck Mama, you can do it!