The Crew - Miss Fabulous, Lil Bro, Big Sis and Mr. Man

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder?

Maybe that really is true, that being away from someone makes us value them more when we are together again. I think it is true. But the surprising thing is it seems to be true for Miss Fabulous as well.

When I still see the RAD markers surface in her life and ours I find myself asking, “How healed is she? How healed is she ever going to be?” But the truth seems to be just as other RAD experienced parents have said that the healing is a long time coming. And yet she is healing just the same.

Last week was our school districts Spring Break. After our weekend of camping, which I will post about later, Miss went to stay with the Grandparents for Spring Break week. She had a great time being the only child and playing in the hot tub and getting undivided non-stop attention. It used to be that although the break was needed and enjoyable the he** that she ensued on this household upon her return made it almost not worth it. But this time she came home like most kids do, that is she was thrilled to see every one of us and has been sweet as a peach. Of course it often seems put on and fake but she is making a real effort that much is clear and we are happy with nice even if it is a little fake-o.

Tonight after her bath she asked me to help her with her hair. She asked nicely and was respectful. I kind of had a pause for a moment as if candid camera was going to be jumping out from behind the bathroom door to real the joke. But no, that did not happen. While I was braiding her hair she asked if I remember the time that she got mad and screamed and then I showed her the birth date papers. I looked confused because I was and she said never mind. But I racked my brain and thought back to a time maybe a year or more ago, I’m pretty sure I blogged about it, when she got angry at me and said that I wasn’t her real Mom anyway. Once everything had calmed down I went and got all of the kids birth certificates. We always do a second adoption here in our home state so that the kids official documents are issued from our state and not only from their country of birth. So when you line up everyone’s birth certificate they all look alike, even Big Sis’s. I showed her all the documents and told her that I was her real mother just the same way that I am Lil Bro’s, Mr. Man’s and Big Sis’s mother. I said see the papers say that I am your Mom and that The Hubs is your Dad.

I told her that I understood that she grew in someone else’s tummy and so did Lil Bro and so did Mr. Man and that those woman are very special because they gave each of my children life but I am your real Mom and that’s how it is going to be forever. I have never heard her say the real Mom bit again. Although it will no doubt be coming my way again once the teen years hit, heaven help me.

She said yes that was the time she was talking about and then she said, “But you are my real Mom.” It was a very sincere apology for something that she had said to me months ago. 

Miss had soccer practice today and she really gave it her all and she was down right impressive and because she did not sabotage herself and really tried her best it gave me a great opportunity to praise her all up and cheer her on.  I was the Mom giving her the thumbs up and she was the kid waving to me from the field when she scored the goal.  It was awesome and she really seemed to feel good about really trying and succeeding.  And I think it lead to her wanting me to know that she knows who her real Mom is even though all the baggage from the past hurts and so sometimes I am the Mom that gets to be the punching bag.


deborah said...

Oh, my word! This really brought tears to my eyes. I'm sooo happy to hear this. Go Miss Fabulous!!! These are the moments that make it all worth while, aren't they? :)

GB's Mom said...


Tara - SanitySrchr said...

Sounds like things are improving! There's nothing better than a good day!