Thursday Lil Bro graduated from Pre-school. It was a grand old time and a big to-do for the little ones. Miss is at Grandma’s for a visit this week and so we did not have her stuff to deal with which made it really nice.
As we were leaving a funny thing happened. One of Lil Bro’s classmates is Chinese. His family moved here to the sunshine state. He and Lil Bro were fast friends. Mr. Man, who is of Korean heritage, saw me talking to this little boy and his Mom. And having Asperger’s means he tends to be awkward in social settings but he is interested at times in making a social effort. This was one of those times. Mr. man walks up to us and says to the five-year-old Chinese boy, “Hey I’m one of you guys too. So …” I didn’t really wait for whatever might be following so. I just took over the conversation and said that this was Mr. Man and it was so nice talking with you blah blah let’s get the heck out of here.
With Mr. Man’s literal thinking it is at times a real benefit. It seems in regards to adoption and being adopted this way of thinking has helped Mr. Man. He knows that he grew in another tummy and he knows that he is part Asian and that Mom and Dad aren’t. He is fine with all that. It is kind of like here is the person that drives me home on the bus and here is the person who’s tummy I grew in. They are all people with a job and he is fine with that. He asked me why he grew in someone else’s tummy and not mine and I simply said, “Because that is where you started out at. If you had started in my tummy you would have grown there but once you start in a tummy you have to stay there until you are ready to come out, there is no changing tummies.” I was winging it but that answer totally made since to him and he was happy with that.
It was the same kind of answer for the why am I Asian and you aren’t? Because the person who’s tummy you grew in was Asian, you get that from her. Made since and he was fine with that. For him there is no question that I am his real Mom that this is his real family that Big Sis is his real sister. Once when Miss screamed at me that I wasn’t her real Mom anyway Mr. was totally offended by that. He said, “You are the real Mom, she must be trying to make a joke.” That is how he explains anything that does not make since to him, jokes don’t make since so it must be a joke.
Dealing with his issues has been so much easier because of that natural parent child love that exists between us. Having to deal with a child’s issues who are also constantly sabotaging the relationship is very very challenging.
Love and support to all those who are doing the job daily!