Thanks Jules for the question!
You might remember the Feedback post where I mentioned that Miss M's teacher had written I love you on her school work. Me and Dad were not cool with it. We did go and have a meeting with Mrs. Teacher who claimed to not be aware of Miss M's history (read the file lady cause it is in there). At any rate the meeting went well and long. Dad mentioned the I love you on the paper and how saying that to Miss M made it that much worse when the school year ended, that it brought up abandonment issues for Miss M. She said, "Oh" with an I don't think you know what you are talking about expression.
At any rate we had made her aware of our concerns and Miss M's issues. No playing the 'I didn't know' card. Shortly there after Miss M was found to be bullying other children in the aftercare program. She was threatening them and making false allegations against them if they did not do what she told them to do. Aftercare had difficulty believing our warnings until it hit them between the eyes. People believe what they see, it's human nature. When a child is very good at being charming to your face and making you feel like you are the best caregiver known to the free world, you the caregiver tend to buy it. We seem to get the reaction that people think we are well meaning but misguided regarding Miss M. Until she pulls her stuff on them and then they go "oh that's what her parents were talking about."
For instance today in aftercare my 6 and a half year old daughter looked the aftercare giver dead in the eyes and pee'd all over everything. The director said, "She looked right at me, opened her legs and pee'd all over everything."
Now I will say that I have a child who does not have RAD and that child does have a medical issue related to wetting accidents. Wears pull-ups at night, has had wetting accidents at school every year accept this year (so far) and it is NOT an intentional happening. This child is mortified when it happens, has bladder spasms and once the bladder spasms hit that child needs to get to the toilet in exactly NOW or wet clothes will commence. But Miss M can hold it from now till the end of time if she wants to. Great control. So when she pee's her pants she has an agenda and is making a statement. I am hoping that it has nothing to do with me or home life and that she will let the folks at aftercare figure out what's bugging her.
As for Mrs. Teacher she is slowly getting a clue. She is a nice person and has been teaching for a while and as such seems to think she has been there and done that and knows it all. I am sure on most accounts that is true. But my little sweetie is not your typical been there and done that kind of kid. The "I Love You" notes on the paper have recently turned into "Not Your Best Work" and some frowny faces. Let's see it's November and we are closing in on mid-year, yeah that's about right on time.
Miss M does have some legitimate learning issues but...she also has the "I'll do it my way and feel in control" syndrome. She will make lots of on purpose mistakes (things we all know she has already mastered) or she will do the paper perfectly and then stick it down in her backpack and not turn it in for a grade. I don't say a word to her. I do however put it in her folder to the teacher with a note that says, "Mrs. Teacher I found this paper in Miss M's backpack with no marks on it. Wasn't sure if you had the chance to take a look at it yet." Big smiley face. :-)
So Jules thanks for the comment! I'd say we are a work in progress!